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7th February :(

I can’t believe it’s been 8 years since my Dad passed away. It has gone so very quickly. However, it’s made me feel like I’ve achieved a lot. I needed others 8 years ago (granted I was only nearly 23). That isn’t me now and that is a very recent thing. I’m a full grown woman at this point but he never got see that. This is the first point in my life where I’ve actually felt ‘grown up’ in the sense that I’ve matured and I no longer have the urge to conflict with everyone around me because I do not agree with them. Instead, I opt for a more quiet life and just accept that some people will never agree with my way of seeing certain things. This isn’t either mine or others faults but we’ve all had different life experiences. An Example of this is that I think that a young person who has left the care system and gone to fend for themselves has a better chance in life not being involved with the system. Whereas, one of them might think that a person like myself that had a disability which meant they ended up in care as an adult had a better chance in life. Both of those opinions aren’t wrong but it depends on the perspective that you view it from.

I went to have my nails done today because I just had enough of how short they were. I feel so much more happy with the state of my hands now. It is good to treat yourself now and again. I needed it after my Maths exam yesterday. I’m taking a day off of studying and had my therapy group so I stopped off in town afterwards. I didn’t have much sleep last night so I’m probably going to nap for a bit.

Anyway, back to what has changed over the last 8 years. I had absolutely no GCSEs back then but was completing my btec in media production. I am a hell of a lot tireder than I used to be. However, I think that is just how life feels as I’ve aged. I feel much older than 30. As the wii fit tried to stay to me… it rated me 41 on the first body test and 51 on the second and so far my last one I did. I’m quite concerned that I’m going to be aged another decade when I get on there again. I know that my balance is a bit off. I’m also aware that my memory is a bit poor. I could probably pass for middle age but I still look young. I’m starting to see the odd line appearing and the odd white type of grey hair. I had one strand and then two more appeared. My handwriting has even changed. I lost my bank card so I cancelled it. I had to go to the bank to withdraw money for my nails to be done. I don’t even have the same signature as the one on the computer system. It got questioned. I had my driving license on me so we got around it. The fact that my writing has changed so much shows that my functioning has changed. I’m regards to functioning, I’m extremely tired and must sleep for a bit now.



This post first appeared on Diary Of A Painfully Shy Introvert, please read the originial post: here

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7th February :(

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