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Governor Herbert Defies Porn Declaration, Puts Gorgeous Face All Over I-15

(NewsWire) Salt Lake City, UT

gary herbert, billboard, governor, salt lake shitty

Gov. Herbert campaign billboard has caused 3 erection related auto accidents

The reelection campaign of Governor Gary Herbert faced public outcry Wednesday by revealing several dozen campaign billboards up and down the Wasatch Front prominently featuring the Governor’s delicious face oozing pure sex. Anti-pornography advocates responsible for the declaration of porn as a state-wide health crisis called for the Governor to remove the billboards immediately, as the massive erections they’ve caused have already lead to at least three automobile accidents.

The billboards, which juxtapose Governor Herbert’s leathery scrotum of a face next to cherrypicked facts lacking context, were revealed earlier this month much to the chagrin of the Utah chapter of Fighting the New Drug, an anti-pornography and masturbation group.

“Look, we commend Governor Herbert on his strong anti-pornography stance and for the courage it took to declare porn as a health crisis ahead of Utah’s disastrous air quality and opioid addiction problems,” said Clay Olsen, President of anti-masturbation group “No Morning Jack It.” But the fact is that pornography addicts are now being exposed to a greater danger than regular pornography: Government sanctioned GILF (Governor I’d Like to F–k) pornography right on our roadways. Frankly, I find it disgraceful, and a little hot. Sexuality goes against everything it means to be human.”

Pornography addict Robbie Trip explained, “The average citizen is bombarded with sexualized images in television and advertising every day. I’ve even heard some violently lurid descriptions of people on the radio that’s gotten me off. And the Governor, a person we once believed to be a champion against the sensual, puts his 10 foot shiny, bloated face dripping with raw sexual energy all over the valley. As a human being desperately trying to flee the mental prison of pornography, I find this direct affront to his purported beliefs disturbing to say the least.”

The Governor’s office released a statement explaining that while his office is “kinda” concerned about air quality, opioid addiction, homelessness, and education, he reassured concerned porn suffering citizens that the harms of pornography are at the forefront of his policy, but the Office of the Governor can’t “protect every Utah citizen from every possible sexual kink.” The statement went on to say they’d do they’re best to protect people sexualized images in the future, starting with “gay stuff.”

 

The post Governor Herbert Defies Porn Declaration, Puts Gorgeous Face All Over I-15 appeared first on Salt Lake Shitty.



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