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The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 166

The Pen comes along and spots the white cat by the window still.

A grin comes over “it´s” lips.

Pen (happy/to “it self”): Oh I´ve missed this…

The grinning pen nears the clueless feline.

Pen (cont./yelling): FRANCIS!

Cat (jumping high into the air/screaming): AH!

The white ball of fur falls on his face.

Cat (complaining): ouch…

Pen (laughing out loud): Ha! Ha! Ha! God I missed doing that.

The cat gets up, slowly, mildly confused and fearful.

Cat (wobbly): what the…
Pen: Wow Francis! You have gotten… well, fatter.
Cat: I beg your pardon?

Pen: No need for pardon dear. You´ve gotten bigger!

Cat (annoyed): Now you listen here you, you… I´m sorry, what the hell are you?
Pen: This again? I´m a pen. The Pen! The all amazing… (notices the cat isn´t listening anymore) Hey!

Cat: what?
Pen: are you even listening?
Cat: no.
Pen: You asked a question, I was answering you.

Cat: you talk too much.
Pen (offended): I talk too much? Are you kidding me? I talk too much?
Cat: I you said that already.

Pen: said what?

Cat: That you talk too much.
Pen: I said no such thing! You said that!
Cat: said what?
Pen: that I talk too much.

Cat: that´s because you do. I asked you a simple question.
Pen: what question?
Cat: I asked you: “who are you?”
Pen: yes, and I answered.

Cat: No. You babbled on…
Pen: No…
Cat (interrupting): Anyways, what do you want?
Pen: Now you listen here Francis…
Cat (interrupts again): who´s Francis?
Pen (getting angry): you freaking cat from hell…
Cat: I´m not from hell.

Cat: You really need to relax.
Pen (furious): Francis, I swear to God…
Cat: I´ve told you before: A: My name is not Francis. B: you need to chill!

The cat turns his back to the Pen and starts walking away.

Pen (rushes after him): Oh no you don´t!
Cat (stops when the pen cuts his path): what the…?
Pen: You don´t turn your back to me!
Cat (defying): why not?

Pen: what?
Cat: why can´t I turn my back to you?
Pen: because I was talking to you, and it´s rude and it´s very unlike you.
Cat: says who?

Pen: says me! I know you, and you´re not usually like this and what´s the matter with you?

Cat (lowers his head to the Pen´s level): I´m not Francis!
Pen (doesn´t believe him): oh really?
Cat: really.

Pen: then who the freck are you?
Cat: I´m Alfred.
Pen (breaks out laughing): Ha! Ha! Ha!

Cat (annoyed): what´s so funny?

Pen: oh, I´m sorry… Your name is now Alfred? Ha! Ha! Ha!

Cat: why are you laughing? It´s my name.
Pen: oh yeah? Since when? Last week?
Cat: you really are a stupid stick.

Pen: Aha! You are Francis!
Cat: No, I´m not. (Points behind the Pen) He´s Francis.
Pen (turns/ not believing him): yeah, right…

Francis´s huge head is in “its” face.

Francis: BOO!
Pen (screams like a deranged woman/jumps into the air): AH!

Cat: hi there Francis.
Francis: Hi Alfred.

Pen (magically gets back up/scared): wait, there´s two of you?
Francis: I see you´ve met the Pen from hell.
Cat: I have.

Pen (screaming): HEY!
Francis: what do you want?
Pen: there´s two of you?

Cat: yes.
Francis: well, technically speaking there´s seven of us.
Cat: yes. Mother had a litter of seven baby cats.
Pen (exasperated): there´s seven of you?

Francis (grinning proudly): yes.
Cat: seven little cotton balls.
Pen: balls of fur from hell is more like it…

Cat: why does he keep saying we´re from hell?
Pen (interrupts/pointing at Alfred): YOU!
Cat (fearful): what?
Pen: you told me you didn´t know who he was.

Cat: I said no such thing.
Pen: yes, you did!
Cat: you asked me about Francis.
Pen: yes. And you asked me who Francis was?

Cat: yes.
Pen: AHA! So you admit it!
Cat: admit what?
Pen (highly annoyed): that you lied.

Cat: I didn´t lie.
Pen: you said you didn´t know who Francis was.
Cat: ´cause I didn´t.
Pen (sys, tired): haa…

Cat: see, I don´t know him as Francis.
Pen (confused): you don´t?
Cat: no. I´m guessing that´s the name his human gave him.
Pen: So, if you don´t know him as Francis, what do you know him as?

Cat: three.
Pen: I´m sorry… Three?
Cat: yeah. Even though my name is Alfred. That is the name my human gave me. I´m seven.
Pen: You were the last to be born.

Cat: yes.
Pen: Oh, okay. Thank you for clearing that up.
Cat: sure.

Pen (turns to Francis) And you!
Francis: hi.
Pen: hi my butt. You never told me you had six brothers.
Francis: that´s because I don´t.

Pen: don´t what?
Francis: I don´t have six brothers.
Pen (pointing at Alfred): but he just said…
Francis: yes. But that´s just from out litter. I have eleven brothers.

Pen (feeling dizzy): eleven brothers…
Cat (Alfred): and sixteen sisters.
Francis: yes. Sixteen sisters.
Pen: oh god… I don´t feel so good…

The Pen starts to “glide” away.

Francis (smiling like an idiot(: You´re leaving already?
Pen: I should… It was nice meeting you Alfred…
Cat: You too.

Francis: that was fun.
Cat: so that´s the Pen.
Francis: it is.

Cat: I swear, all this time, whenever you told your stories about a pen from hell, I always thought you were making that up.

Francis: I wasn´t.
Cat: I´m hungry.
Francis: of course you are, come on.

The two cats leave the room towards the kitchen to feast.

From afar the Pen watches on.

Pen (horrified): good God! There´s twenty eight of them!

The Pen glides away, pensive.

The end!

2021_ Joana Teixeira

This post first appeared on Geek The Cat, please read the originial post: here

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The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 166


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