Francis, the cat, is in his bed in the living room, staring at air, bored out of his mind.

The Pen shows up and gives Francis a fierce look.

“It” glides on over to the resting cat, set on giving him hell.

Cat (loud yawn/incredibly bored): ooaahh…
Pen (mad): Francis!
Cat (startled): AH!

Francis falls on his face, half of his body out on the floor.

Cat (complaining): ouch… that hurt.
Pen: serves you well, you stupid creature!
Cat (looks up): what the hell?

Pen: hell isn´t here pussycat, I am!
Cat (highly confused): what?
Pen: where the freck have you been?

Cat: are you crazy?
Pen: you didn´t answer my question.
Cat: neither did you.
Pen: I don´t have to answer anything.

Cat: Oh yeah? (gets up, albeit a bit wobbly) And what makes you think I have to answer you?
Pen: because I want you to!
Cat: You want me to what?
Pen: Answer me!

Cat (confused): I´m sorry. What was the question again?
Pen (loosing “its” patience): where have you been?
Cat: what are you talking about? I´ve been here all morning.

Pen: don´t you play with me pussycat!
Cat: I´m not. You´re a pain in the ass. Why would I want to play with you?
Pen: what?

Cat: why are you busting my chops?
Pen: busting your what now?
Cat (annoyed/sys): haa…

Pen: Francis, you stupid ball of fur…
Cat (interrupts/offended): Hey!
Pen: Hey my butt! You don´t call. You don´t write!

Cat: Pen, let´s be realistic. Do you have a cell phone?
Pen:  What? No.
Cat: Do you know how to read?
Pen: That´s beside the point.

Cat (irritated): Besides the point MY ASS! What the hell makes you think I know how to dial or do you honestly believe I know how to write?

Pen (realizes): I guess … maybe not?
Cat (yelling): NOT!

Francis sys once more, exasperated.

Cat: Haaa…
Pen: Francis?
Cat (rude/auto response): WHAT?

The Pen “stumbles” back in both fear and surprise.

“It” blinks really fast and looks at the sides, thinking of an exit strategy.

Cat (relaxes): Pen?
Pen (a bit fearful): what?
Cat: I´m sorry I yelled at you.
Pen: you are?

Cat: yes. It was rude of me. I´m sorry.
Pen (concerned): are you okay Francis?
Cat: yes. I´m just a little on edge and I took it out on you. That wasn´t very nice. I´m sorry.

Pen: okay. You´re forgiven.
Cat: thank you.
Pen: can I ask you a question?
Cat: sure.

Pen: where have you been?
Cat: here.
Pen: No. I mean for the last few weeks.
Cat: oh, that.

Pen: yes, that.
Cat: I was at a pet spa.
Pen (dumbstruck): you were where?

Cat: pet spa. It´s like a clinic, where you can get massages and bubble baths and all kinds of stuff.

Pen: why in world would you go to a place like that? Is your human insane?
Cat: No. He just loves me very, very much.

Pen: so let me get this straight; you went out to party, hard, where you got flees and then as punishment he takes you to get pampered for weeks? Is your human high on something?

Cat (dead serious): No.
Pen: Are you sure?
Cat: yes.
Pen: Why would he take you to a place like that?

Cat: He had to go away for a few weeks for work, he couldn´t take me with him and so he left me at that clinic, spa, whatever…
Pen: oh, okay.
Cat: okay?

Pen: yes. That explains it.
Cat: okay then. Bye.

Francis starts to walk away.

Pen: Not so fast pussycat.
Cat (looks back): what now?
Pen: I missed you.
Cat (smiling): I know.

Pen (hopeful): did you miss me?
Cat (dead serious): No.
Pen (mad): stupid, flee infested creature!
Cat: Love you too stick!

Francis walks away, waiving his tale up in the air, happy and singing.

Pen: Idiot! I know you missed me…
Cat (from afar): NO I DIDN´T!
Pen (yells back): ASS!
Cat (responds): BITE ME!

The Pen glides away, sulking.

Francis looks back and as he realizes the Pen can´t see him anymore, grins, happily.

Cat: I´ll die before letting you know the truth. Ha! Ha! Ha!

The end!

2020_ Joana Teixeira