Francis, the cat, is in his living room, splashed on the couch, highly entertained, and watching t.v.

Pen (out of nowhere): YOU!
Cat (screams like a girl): AH!

The startled cat jumps high into the air and ends up falling on his face down on the floor.

Cat (complaining): ouch…
Pen: You measly…
Cat (interrupts): shut up!

Pen: I beg your pardon?
Cat: No pardon.

Francis struggles to get up.

Pen: Not what I…
Cat (interrupts once more/looks at the pen fiercely): I said (yells) SHUT UP!
Pen: don´t you dare talk to me in that tone you flea infested creature!
Cat (wonders): how the hell did you know about the fleas?

Pen (confused): how did I…?
Cat: yeah! How did you know?
Pen (looks at Francis disgusted): you have fleas…?
Cat: Not anymore.

Pen: but…
Cat: if you didn´t know I had fleas, why did you call me a flea infested creature?
Pen: I meant it as term of endearment.

Francis is left at a loss for words. He just looks very confused.

Pen (annoyed/cont.): what?
Cat: You have a very strange way of being endearing towards people.
Pen: you´re a cat.
Cat: you´re a demon.

Pen: I´ll take that as a compliment.
Cat (stunned): calling you a demon is giving you a compliment?
Pen: yes. People respect demons.
Cat: I think you´ve got your wires crossed.

Pen: my wires…?
Cat:  yeah, see, people fear demons.
Pen (smiling): that means you fear me, right?
Cat: No.

Pen: But, you just said…
Cat: I said people fear demons.
Pen: so?
Cat: so I´m a cat you idjit.

Pen: what?
Cat (proud): idiotic jerk!
Pen: don´t do that.
Cat: do what?

Pen: make up words.
Cat: I didn´t make it up.
Pen: Oh no?
Cat: no.

Pen: Then who was the idiot that thought it was a good idea to mix those two words.
Cat: how the hell should I know?
Pen: you´re the one who said it!
Cat: I must have read it somewhere.

Pen: You can´t read!
Cat: And how would you know that?
Pen: A: you´re a cat! B: You´re an idiot!
Cat: you´re the idiot. I´ll have you know I´m a very smart cat.

Pen: and what makes you think that?
Cat: Jason has told me several times I´m a very smart kitty.
Pen: your human´s crazier than you are.

Cat: Go away! And die!
Pen: where were you?
Cat: I´ve have been here all morning.
Pen: No, I mean…

Cat: yes…? I don´t have all day. Plus you´re making me miss my soap.
Pen: soap? You´re a stupid cat, what the hell do you want with soap?
Cat (highly confused): what?
Pen: you´re the one who said soap! You´re missing your soap!

Cat (duh): on tv…
Pen: commercials about soap? What´s so special about that?
Cat (dumbstruck): soap… opera… program on TV …
Pen: oh…

Cat: please go away.
Pen (startled): please…?
Cat: yes. Please.

Francis turns his back to the pen and readies himself to jump back up on the couch.

As he jumps…

Pen (loud): Francis?

Francis misses the jump and lands on his face.

Cat (face down/eating his words): mother… f…
Pen: what was that dear?
Cat (looks up): I SAID…
Pen (interrupts): Francis!

Cat (murderous glare): What?
Pen (blows him a kiss): Love you…

Francis gets up in a hurry to murder the Pen, but the latter manages to get away unscathed.

The angry feline stops in his tracks two seconds later, about to pass out.

Cat: I´m getting to old for this sh…
Pen (from the other room/interrupts): WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE YOU STUPID MUTT!

Cat (takes a deep breath): haa… one of these days I´ll bury so deep into the ground you won´t be found for the next 10000 years. You just wait you stupid stick!

Pen (in the other room/talking to “itself”): crap! I didn´t get him to tell me where he was. Oh well, I´ll get it out of him next time.

The Pen wonders off, in the direction opposite from Francis, laughing and singing.

Pen (singing): …la, la, la… Ha! Ha! Ha!

The end!

2020_ Joana Teixeira