“He had a deep voice and said my name three times. I showed up in my cutest blood-stained romper and had a lovely candlelight dinner in his bathroom. He never contacted me again.” 

– Bloody Mary

“It was doomed from the start. We both love the song ‘Come Sail Away,’ but she gets seasick and naturally lost interest after I told her about me being cursed to sail the seas forever.”

– The Flying Dutchman

“I thought I was ready. I’m no Scrooge and always picked up the check, but I mentioned my ex too many times one night and never heard from her again. She’s right. I need to move on.”

– The Ghost of Christmas Past

“To text thee or not to text thee, that is the question. Did thou not have a good time? Art thou still alive? Aye. Nay. Tis a mystery fit for the stage.”

– King Hamlet

*Burp* “Ya know, as a ball of slime that loves to eat, there’s only so much I can do. She couldn’t stand my stench and ended things when I refused to switch to a plant-based diet.” 

– Slimer

“There was this cute wizard. He heard me moaning in the stall and introduced himself. I felt embarrassed but I did need a prom date. He went MIA after we got caught necking in Dumbledore’s office. I still moan but have been known to sob about it in the ladies room.”

– Moaning Myrtle

“He cut off all contact. I didn’t catfish him. It’s right there in the name. I arrived early and he screamed and ran off the second he saw me. I make sure to carry it around with me now.”

– The Headless Horseman

“Well yes, she did break up with me, from a certain point of view.”

– Ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi

“We met online and exchanged racy photos for a couple months. It was fun but it fizzled out because I was more into it than she was. I think I saw her at a music festival but I’m not sure.”

– The Snapchat Ghost aka Ghostface Chillah

“It’s unfortunate. We were inseparable. I was haunting her house, but we became good friends. She married a mortal before I could tell her how I really feel. Nice Ghosts really do finish last.”

– Casper the Friendly Ghost 

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