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The Real Victim of This Tragedy Is My Artisanal Wares

Hipster Guy

This recent tragedy? Sad, atrocious, not to mention tragic. 

Which is why we should be focusing on what’s most important right now: my new small business of Artisanal Wares

You see, this past spring I got on a real creative tear: pressing ink stamps of ladybugs onto T-shirts and fabricating earrings from found objects in my neighbor’s trash. I became divinely inspired to repurpose corks from wine bottles and even learned calligraphy. For countless hours I pressed and painted, hand-dipped and handcrafted until the inventory in my living room matched the mood board hanging above my bed. 

There I was, about to activate the promo code DREAMBIG10 on my website when what happens? A national tragedy. 
Do you have any idea what that’s like? I had just sent out a press release to local media. 

But just because I’m a victim of this tragedy doesn’t mean I can’t be a part of the solution. What we need now is healing, and the best way to do that is through the power of kitschy doodads and ornamental knicknacks. I’m not a hero, just someone on their #grind turning their side hustle into a small business. 

Still, I must pick up my cross and bear it – just like Jesus and probably Gandhi, too. So, yes, I will temporarily be changing my profile picture on all social media platforms. I will be donating 10% of all my profits to charity after charging 110% on all merchandise. Why? Because this isn’t just about the events of the tragedy. It’s about something much bigger: tie-dyed bandanas and miniature clay pots for putting spare change in. 

My pop-up store in the park on Sunday? Still happening. But it won’t be as fun now because of this tragedy. It’s going to come up, and when it does, I will solemnly nod my head and then remind customers that a free button is included with every purchase of $20 or more. 

Trust me, I wish this tragedy had never happened. It was powerful – some would say selfishly powerful – but it has also created the opportunity for us to come together and start a conversation. There are lots of voices that need to be heard, and I know that one of them is the brand voice of my company’s mascot, Todd the Totebag Toad. Now more than ever it’s important to amplify my small business’s core values of Imagination, Joy, and Whimsy. 

Which is why I want us all to imagine a world without tragedies. A world free of pain and suffering and news deemed “more timely and relevant” than my press release to local media. I don’t know about you, but that’s the world I want to live in. 

We can’t let the tragedy win. Yes, it happened. It was tragic. But the sooner we move on from this tragedy, the sooner we can start to move on with my life.

The post The Real Victim of This Tragedy Is My Artisanal Wares appeared first on Robot Butt.

This post first appeared on Robot Butt | Purveyors Of Fine Comedy And Satire, please read the originial post: here

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The Real Victim of This Tragedy Is My Artisanal Wares


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