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The People I’m Murdering Are the Real Murderers

Middle Aged Man Serial Killer

Hello, I’d like to discuss the portrayal of Michael Myers in the new Halloween movie, but also the representation of all killers and murderers in Hollywood horror films. Frankly, I find it offensive. I’ve been hearing so often that representation is important, and I am beginning to agree.

As a Serial Killer myself, I do not appreciate the way these characters are always shown having it all figured out, always having all the cards. Victims don’t just fall into our laps. And even when they do, clean-up is a bitch.

Mr. Myers barely ever breaks into more than a brisk stroll. Do you know how hard I had to work to chase down that family of four back in Sheboygan? Sure, they were bleeding out, but even then, I was still jogging. I didn’t get to where I am today by having it handed to me, even though popular media would have you believe that just being a murderer suddenly gives you a huge leg up in this world. Let me assure you, this is not the case. We don’t get special privileges.

These days, murderers are shone in such a bad light. Back in the day it was okay to be proud of being a killer. You can take pride in being gay or black, but if you say you’re proud to be a serial killer everybody freaks out. They say, “Your culture is Irish, or German, not being a murderer.” Bonnie and Clyde, Clint Eastwood, John Cleese. All cold-blooded murderers, as well as the heroes of their stories.

Nowadays, if you murder someone in a movie without “justification” you’re suddenly the bad guy. And when I’m systematically terrorizing a single woman who lives alone before ultimately shoving her own kitchen knife into her chest, they almost always try to kill me back! Some of them have even come close. Where’s the respect for what I have to go through?

If you ask me, the people I’m Murdering are the real murderers.

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This post first appeared on Robot Butt | Purveyors Of Fine Comedy And Satire, please read the originial post: here

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The People I’m Murdering Are the Real Murderers


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