It’s almost time to see  –  what’s it going to be? An ambitious little he, or a bossy little she?

What’s in store for your your bundle of joy? Will it be hair bows or bow ties? Glitter or guns? Earning seventy-seven cents on the dollar or dying early of a stroke? Finding out is a joyful moment that you’ll definitely want to share with family, friends, Carol from your car pool – the list goes on! Here are some ideas to make your children’s-genitalia-themed party the best!

1. Pre-planning: Have your ultrasound technician send a top-secret note describing your unborn child’s sex organs to the teenage employees in your grocery store’s bakery department. They can then begin preparing a cake that will either be pink or Blue inside (should it turn out that neither a pink nor blue cake will quite work, you may wish to discuss alternative instructions, letting those concerned know if you would instead like a lavender cake and/or some informational pamphlets).

2. Invitations: Send out invites at least a few weeks in advance. Be sure to give everyone a specific date to RSVP by, and provide space for them to let you know how many will be attending, if they’re having the hot dogs or the oysters, etc. Note that gifts are not customary at these events; at this point your guests wouldn’t have any idea whether to shop for a toy doctor’s kit or a tiny nurse’s uniform!

3. Decorations: Pink and blue balloons are the obvious choice, but you may want to get creative and choose something that reflects your style as a couple. You could go with a “Cheerleaders and Football Players” theme if you’re sports fans, or animal lovers might opt for “Dogs and Bitches.” If you’re artistic types, why not hang up some prints of Georgia O’Keefe flowers and Andy Warhol bananas? Run wild with it!

4. Games: As guests arrive, have them all vote for what they think you’re having by selecting chocolate candies from one of two Mason jars  – either with “Nuts” or “No Nuts!” Then everyone can sit around and nibble on their treats and not think about how you were just comparing them to a newborn’s testicles.

Another fun idea is to have your guests choose to be on either “Team Pink” or “Team Blue.” Come up with special pink and blue drinks for each team to enjoy as they compete in trivia or board games. Each time Team Blue scores a point, they all take a sip. Each time Team Pink scores, whisper, “Are you sure you should have another? I’m worried about you.”

If your guests are bringing their kids, you’ll want to keep them entertained as well. For example, you might have the girls hand-sew and embroider their own princess dresses and put on a fully choreographed fashion show to benefit local charities, while the boys go out in the backyard and punch the mud.

5. The Big Reveal: At the end of the evening you’ll cut open the cake and see what color it is, and then everyone will finally have a clearer idea of what your baby will look like naked. Take a moment to bask in the glow of this newfound knowledge and, if necessary, discard any hopes and dreams for the child you were secretly planning for. Convince yourself that you will be equally happy with this baby, even though he or she will be physically aggressive or bad at math. It’s going to work out fine! After all, at least now you know exactly what kind of child to expect, so there can be no further surprises.

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