When I told people I was going to Mendocino for a vacation, I usually heard a variation on one of these responses:

“Huh…well good for you, then.”

“Okay.”

“I think my uncle went there. Maybe. He’s not really one of those chatty kinds of uncles, you know?

What I did not hear was the one thing you hope to hear before any trip:

“I’ve been there. It’s great. You’re going to love it.”

This made me nervous. Because Americans aren’t typically coy about our travels. In fact, besides the tastiness of pizza and the timeless sexual allure of Bruce Greenwood, bragging like assholes about our vacations is one of the few things humanity can agree on. This is especially true when that vacation destination is a bit obscure, a bit off the beaten-track, which as braggy travel anecdotes go, is the sturdiest pog on the playground.

This all left me with a question to ponder during my drive from Los Angeles (it was a long drive, so I asked myself this question quite frequently): Why the hell isn’t anyone bragging about Mendocino?

But then, finally, I arrived in that city. And soon, I was asking myself an entirely different question: Where in the hell is everyone else?

Because though the city of Mendocino (and nearby Fort Bragg) is just as charming as Cambria, with a coastline just as majestic as Monterey’s, the place has all the slick commercial appeal and tourist density of Modesto on a Tuesday afternoon. Granted, part of that quietness could be explained by me being there on an off day during the off season, but I think it goes deeper than that: this is one California city that does not particularly want to be discovered. It’s as if — in some subconscious act of self-preservation against tourist hordes — the city actually longs to remain staunchly, defiantly “unslick.”

The result is a place with more whimsical sock stores than fine art galleries, and cell service weaker than an old man’s midnight pee. But these (slightly) rough edges are not bad. They not only define the city of Mendocino, but the tourist experience there, as well.

The (Slightly) Rough Edges

–The town’s best lunch spot, Tote Fete Deli & Burger Grill (get the clam chowder), does not have a customer restroom, and any bathroom use requires walking two blocks to a public toilet in the park, which feels like the sort of thing an evil wizard would curse me with if that evil wizard knew me very well.

–The best (and only) food truck, Tsunami Nacho, is parked next to the hospital, and has a name that evokes both natural disaster, and the gastrointestinal disaster normally associated with eating lightly grilled trophy fish in a hospital parking lot. That being said, try the tsunami nachos. It may sound like something Guy Fieri would invent after drinking too much seawater, but the dish is surprisingly delicate, perfectly seasoned, and one of the few non-stupid uses of fried wonton strips I have ever witnessed.

–Even the city’s most famous landmark — Glass Beach — is a former garbage dump. And so many people have stolen the bits of wave-tumbled garbage glass that made the beach so famous, tourists are now encouraged to seed the waves with bags of pre-smoothed glass (which can be purchased from the nearby Sea Glass Museum).

And, perhaps the roughest edge of all…

–Getting there. There are two ways to get to Mendocino from San Francisco, both take about three-and-a-half hours, and both end with an extended stretch of curvy, tree-lined, two-lane road. Neither road is especially dangerous — not if driven with the speed and focus they require — but you will spend a careful hour calculating road slopes and survival odds. This is neither a particularly welcome nor relaxing start to your vacation. Especially when there is no cell signal, but the local world music station comes in so perfectly you can hear every grain of maraca sand.

None of Mendocino’s rough edges are especially rough, but when there are so many other similarly picturesque cities nearby, situated on similarly beautiful stretches of coastline, with similarly clam-dense chowders, any potential inconvenience to your vacation can seem so unbearably inconvenient that the only reasonable response would be to drive to Napa for a soothing tumbler of chablis.

But if you can look past these rough edges, and if you can tolerate world music for the better part of an hour, you will find something special when you arrive in Mendocino. Because you will not only discover one of the most beautiful cities in the world, but you will also find a heartier breed of traveler. Most of these travelers will look like your mom’s friend who got really into turquoise jewelry, and your eighth grade PE teacher with a slightly crisper khaki covering his old man thighs (but still not covering nearly enough). Both of these people will be drinking too much wine, and talking too much about wine, or wearing actual yarn baby bjorns around their necks to lovingly cradle their empty wine glasses (Author’s note: this was something I actually saw, more than twice).

But more than being very tipsy and slightly annoying, these guests to Mendocino are happy. And that happiness is contagious.

Everyone in this city seemed happy, in fact. From the Tesla-driving tech bros in the luxury hotels, to the roving herds of retirees stumbling to tasting rooms, to the locals selling wine and scones and whimsical socks. Even the lone stew-bum who hassled me, hassled me in an unmistakably friendly way, like how one of the tough cowboy robots would hassle a tourist in West World before it all ended in machine uprisings.

Part of this happiness could probably be attributed to the majesty of nature, or the wine and bacon lard and butter fat that lubricated every social and business transaction in the county. But it was more than that; it was the special, unique camaraderie that came from being part of a group that had found something better than expected.

Because I got exactly what I thought I would on this trip: I got to see sights that were too beautiful to be real but somehow were, and I got to see those views from most everywhere I looked, even while purchasing gas station Altoids, and I got to eat great food in the restaurants and bakeries where I expected I would get great food, and from the hospital parking lot where I most definitely did not. I drank more wine than was healthy for my liver, and I bought so many whimsical socks that the Sonora Elementary School 8th grade class may retroactively withdraw my title of Most Masculine Boy.

But I also got more than I expected. I got to experience all of these things without crowds, without pretension, and with other happy people who were experiencing the same.

I also experienced a few rough edges. Because of these rough edges, Mendocino will always be a “hidden gem.” Because of these rough edges, Mendocino will always be less known, less crowded, and less appreciated than cities like Monterey, Carmel, and Cambria. And because of these rough edges, Mendocino will always be better.

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SLEEP

For budget friendly luxury, and the perfect excuse to milk a few extra vacation days from your boss…The Little River Inn

The converted and expanded family home of Silas Coombs is now run as an inn by his great-granddaughter Cally Dym. This hotel offers all the quaint charm you would expect from the familial estate of a man named Silas Coombs (including homemade fudge at the check-in desk and an honest-to-goodness yarn store on site), but it also caters to the needs of the tech industry traveling from the (relatively) nearby locales of San Francisco and Silicon Valley.

The Little River Inn has converted two of their best rooms into “work/play suites” including high-speed ethernet, wifi connected to a 500 mbit line, a workstation with extra monitors, and many other technological goodies. Of course, these rooms also come with private balconies overlooking the best ocean view on the property (along with quaint rocking chairs to help you appreciate that view), so it’s debatable how much use you’ll get out of the telecommuting-friendly technology. But those gadgets are there if you need to convince yourself or (more importantly) your boss that you’ll still be available to work during your vacation.

These high-tech additions have effectively transformed a quaint oceanside property into a telecommuting center without losing any of the quaint oceanside charm that made the inn such a special place to begin with. It’s like if Jessica Fletcher’s house in Murder She Wrote hid a secret missile command center next to her more secret Dexter-style kill room.

Because little known fact #1: Jessica Fletcher was a serial killer. And little known fact #2: Murder She Wrote was filmed in Mendocino. Though you will quickly learn this second fact during your time in town, because next to “can I refill your wine glass,” or “let me explain how we put sugar on bacon,” “did you know Murder She Wrote was filmed here?” is the most common conversational gambit you will encounter during your stay.

For the most spectacular views in Mendocino, and possibly anywhere else…The Inn at Newport Ranch.

It’s difficult to find a view in Mendocino that isn’t majestic, even while driving to the grocery store for walking-around almonds. But of all the spectacular views in Mendocino, the most spectacular I found were at the Inn at Newport Ranch.

You are surrounded by beautiful vistas everywhere at this hotel, from the parking lot, to the abundant windows in the bedrooms, to tranquil strolls along the acres of property, to the much less tranquil tour across that same property in a souped-up golf cart.

There is quite simply not a bad view anywhere at this hotel; you are either looking at a breathtaking view of ocean, the redwood forest, or grass bluffs that look like the setting for a Victorian-period romantic comedy where Kate Hudson struggles through a British accent.

The surroundings at the Inn at Newport Ranch are so amazing that it’s easy to overlook the actual hotel. But the Inn at Newport Ranch offers all the amenities you would expect from a luxury hotel, along with the uniquely obsessive attention to detail that can only come from that luxury hotel being the passion project of its owner. In this case, that owner is Will Jackson and his attention to detail can be seen throughout the hotel — the alignment of the grain in the reclaimed redwood doors, the logs used as foundation supports, the game room hidden behind a map like the secret lair of a Scooby Doo villain, etc.–and if you bump into Will Jackson, he will be happy to take you through all of them. Despite being 89 years old, Jackson is a combination Warren Buffet/Jack Lalanne/Bill Brasky who still exudes such an aura of red-cheeked vitality that you feel slightly terrified he might challenge you to an arm-wrestling match, and slightly more terrified he might win.

The hotel offers a complimentary happy hour and breakfast for guests, and if you’re lucky, they will be serving banana pancakes one of those mornings.

A family-style dinner is also available for purchase in the stately dining hall–complete with walk-through fireplace, if you ever felt like walking through one of those. This on-site dinner is especially convenient, because you will want to stay on this property as long as you can.

For all the best parts of a B & B, without having to make forced conversation about somebody’s cat…The Brewery Gulch Inn.

The Brewery Gulch inn is a quaint boutique hotel with stunning ocean views. I am well aware that I have described almost every person, place, and thing in the greater Mendocino area as “quaint” and “with stunning ocean views,” but dammit if this isn’t always true. But what really sets the Brewery Gulch Inn apart, and made my stay such a pleasant, comfortable experience, was the bed and breakfast atmosphere. To be clear, the Brewery Gulch Inn is neither a B & B nor makes any claims to be one, but this hotel still includes many aspect of the bed and breakfast experience; specifically, all the good ones.

That is to say, there was a roaring fire and comfortable leather chairs with a view of that fire, and somewhat less comfortable driftwood rocking chairs on the lawn with views of the ocean, and plenty of wine to enjoy while taking in either view in either chair. But the people in those chairs enjoyed that wine and those views in mostly quiet reflection, and kept any conversation at reasonable volumes. Unless, of course, that conversation happened to be about President Trump, which is a subject that has lead to very few conversations of reasonable volume, and likely will not for the foreseeable future.

The common room of this hotel, and the calm quiet of that room, was my favorite part of my stay at the Brewery Gulch Inn, and was where I felt the most relaxed and comfortable in a week that was defined by comfort and relaxation. The platter of homemade pastries within arm’s reach may have also factored a bit in the intensity of my emotions, though in Mendocino, you somehow never seem to find yourself much further than arm’s reach from a platter of homemade pastries.

And to continue along this theme, I am going to discuss the food at the Brewery Gulch Inn here. Because the excellent breakfast, wine happy hour (featuring the hotel owner Guy Pacurar’s Fathers and Daughters sauvignon blanc from his personal vineyard), buffet dinner, and the perpetual platter of “just because” pastries in the lobby are only available for guests (though if you call the front desk and ask nicely, they may be able to squeeze you in for breakfast). In either case, the millionaire’s bacon is a must order. The bacon is covered in both brown sugar and chili flakes, which may seem a bit like “gilding the lily” (or “sugaring the bacon” as it were) but the combination of sweet and heat elevates the already excellent thick cut bacon into something unforgettable.

Here’s a video of chef Peg Davis explaining how you can make that bacon yourself. Does it involve putting a fistful of brown sugar on a bacon tray? You better goddamn believe it involves putting a fistful of brown sugar on a bacon tray.

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EAT

The crab cakes at The Little River Inn: On the northernmost wall of Ole’s Whale Watch Bar at the Little River Inn, you will find at least a dozen top prizes for crab cake competitions on the wall. While I was unaware crab cake competition were a thing before I visited the restaurant (or dozens of things as it were), these pucks of seafood goodness cooked by chef Marc Dym clearly deserved every award.

There is a lot of great food at the Little River Inn (including excellent fish and chips, scallop pasta, olallieberry cobbler, and a chimera of flapjack and crepe known as Ole’s Swedish hotcakes) but these crab cakes are a must-order.

The cookies at Mendocino Cookie Company: Because what vacation is complete without compulsively eating shortbread until you hate yourself?

The sandwiches at Mendocino Market: Deep trance was playing over the speakers when I walked into this sandwich shop/market, and they definitely make their sandwiches at the pace you would expect from a sandwich shop/market that is tuned to the deep trance station on Sirius XM. But their sandwiches (especially the rockfish) are worth the wait.

The burrito at Los Gallitos: Most of the food options in Mendocino tend toward seafood (for good reason) and more expensive, more elevated cuisine (for good reason, as well), but if you’re looking for something a bit less fussy and a lot more affordable try Los Gallitos in Fort Bragg. This restaurant serves some very solid Tex-Mex from a tiny restaurant next to a Laundromat.

And, as previously mentioned: The clam chowder at Tote Fete and the tsunami nachos at Tsunami Nacho

DRINK

Lula Cellars: There are a lot of choices for quality winery stops on the drive up the 128 to Mendocino, but only one of those tasting rooms has (and prepare yourself for some caps lock) A GODDAMN YELLOW LAB WEARING A BANDANA.

JUST LOOK AT THAT DOG!

HER NAME IS HONEY AND SHE IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND.

Sometimes she even wears aviator goggles and sits in a car like she’s about to compete in the Wacky Races.

I would recommend you stop at Lula Winery even if the wine was bad, as I have already made it clear that I will heartily endorse a business with subpar beverages and adorable dogs, but Lula also pours some fantastic wines made from locally-grown, dry-farmed grapes. For just $5 you can taste eight wines, including a fantastic rose and their award-winning pinot noir, though this meager tasting fee is waived if you buy a bottle.

Also, this winery is dog-friendly, so stop by, grab a glass of wine, take a seat at one of the pond-side chairs, and look out over the majesty of nature while your own pooch scampers about with Honey the winery dog.

Word to the wise: Lula is on that windy, tree-lined road I wrote about earlier, so either assign a designated driver or make judicious use of the spit bucket during the tasting. Granted, this is good advice for any wine tasting, but not for the typical reason of “maybe I’ll get pulled over and blow a .080001,” but instead for the very real possibility that “maybe I’ll drive into a tree.”

The saison at Ole’s Whale Watch Bar at Little River Inn: This beer is exclusively brewed for Little River Inn by nearby Anderson Valley Brewery, and is so fantastic that I braved darkness and rain and road curves to drive back for another glass after my stay at the hotel, and I was genuinely mopey when I was told the keg was tapped.

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DO

Ride the Pudding Creek express on the Skunk Train: This train is so aggressively charming that it became a beloved local institution despite the fact it got its nickname from the old-timey gasoline/coal stinking like a fart badger. This train (with new, non-horrible smelling engine) is so aggressively charming that even the few railyard hobos happily waved at the train as it chugged by. This train is so aggressively charming you won’t even mind that the entirely of the trip is thirty minutes driving forwards, and thirty minutes driving backwards, as the scenery is beautiful in either direction.

Also, an hour is both exactly how long the charm of antique train travel lasts, and enough time to finish a second cocktail from the onboard bar (or hot cocoa for those lucky few with enough dignity to avoid day-drinking on a family-friendly excursion).

Visit Glass Beach: Which as I mentioned earlier, is a former marine trash heap, but as far as former marine trash heaps go, this one is quite scenic.

See where they filmed Daniel-san harvesting the cliff bonsai in The Karate Kid 3 at Irish Beach: Because The Karate Kid 3 is a bad movie without question, but even bad Ralph Macchio is still pretty goddamn good.