According to the press release KFC just sent out, there are only two things that your sainted mother wants on Sunday, May 14th: A reasonably-priced family meal she doesn’t have to cook and “some alone time with a captivating novella.” (YMMV)

And just because KFC knows that your mom’s a lady in the streets and a woman with very…singular tastes in the sheets library, they’ve helpfully provided an e-book that you can gift your mom with pride. It’s a romance novel starring everyone’s favorite oiled-up, swashbuckling hero. The only, the oily, the very sexy Colonel Sanders.

Attend:

No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you this is not a drill, fam. What you’re seeing is a 100 percent for real, bona fide, authentic ad that suggests that reading this book will fulfill every one of your mom’s fantasies. And if you really Love your mom and want her to get the full experience of enjoying this triumph of words and letters, you can even get a hard copy of the book ( pun proudly intended; dead-eyed hunk not included) by following the restaurant’s page on Facebook and wishing and hoping that you’re one of the lucky 100 who gets both the book and the meal for the low, low price of FREE NINETY NINE.

But just look at this cover! Look at it:

Everyone else? You’ll have to pay $20 for the food and download the book yourself. But hey, there’s plenty of time to get it printed and bound before the big day. And if your mom doesn’t really go for lighter romance, we’re sure she’ll find something she’ll love in the Chuck Tingle collection of timely and not-at-all strange erotic fiction.