2020-03-01 21:29
Back when I was in high school a friend of mine and I would occasionally stop by the Dairy Queen and get a mug of root beer. Back then you could get a big frosted mug of root beer for a qu… Read More
Blog Directory > Arts & Entertainment Blogs > Humor Blogs > thewritingdeputy | A humorous look at everything w humor Blog >
Thewritingdeputy | A Humorous Look At Everything W Blog
thewritingdeputy.wordpress.com
Tags:
cabin
root
math
persistent boil problemacirc
internal clock
geometry
spring
clock
holiday
winter survival
A humorous look at everything with special attention to writing and the writing process
2020-02-24 22:14
It’s about this time of year, when we’re going into our fifteenth month of winter, that I start looking forward to spring. Spring is coming. It always does. The weather will war… Read More
2020-02-09 19:11
My new novel A Death in a Snowstorm was released last Friday by Beacon Publishing Group. Since it was released, Amazon has raised the price on the paperback copy. I don’t know why, an… Read More
2020-02-03 23:20
When my wife and I were first married, we were young headstrong individuals. Those strong heads occasionally butted against each other resulting in disagreements. When I say occasionally I… Read More
2020-01-27 23:00
When I was young I did not have an internal clock—that thing inside a person that tells them when to wake up. I cannot remember ever waking up on my own when I was young. Either I wou… Read More
2020-01-19 20:22
Cabin fever: extreme irritability and restlessness from living in isolation or a confined indoor area for a prolonged time __Merriam-Webster
As Iowa winters go, this has truly been one of… Read More
2020-01-12 23:16
When I was young I had very few winter survival skills. The only real one was that I had the brains of pocket lint, which sometimes can be a definite advantage. I’ve said in other pos… Read More
2020-01-05 18:40
I hate math because I’m not very good at it. I never have been. The problem with math is, it is too rigid. They expect you to come up with the same answer EVERY time you do a problem… Read More
2019-12-31 21:42
It is time again for my list of New Year’s Resolutions that I do on a regular basis, which means whenever I can think of something. I have a few ground rules. There won’t be any… Read More
2019-12-23 23:06
Everything in this post has been extensively researched for five minutes. Every fact is true and correct except for the stuff I made up.
Tis the season again. A time of presents and family… Read More
2019-12-17 00:10
I’m forty-three years-old. My birth certificate would argue against that, but my birth certificate has always been an insolent nerd far too concerned with numbers, dates and facts to… Read More
2019-12-08 18:45
As a writer, I occasionally get questions from readers of this blog. Most of them are from people who are trying to sell me stuff for erectile dysfunction, but some are about writing and my… Read More
2019-12-04 22:35
With the snow comes the holiday season, a time of giving, self-reflection and joy. But sprinkled within this prayer for a wonderful season and hopeful New Year is the vile custom which is… Read More
2019-11-24 21:56
“There is some leftover goulash in the fridge you can have tomorrow at noon, and you can just pick something up for tomorrow night,” my wife says walking into the room. “D… Read More
2019-11-20 00:17
I was born in South Dakota, but my family moved to Iowa when I was nine. I call Iowa my home state the way Lincoln, born in Kentucky, called Illinois his home state. They call Illinois the… Read More
2019-11-13 23:48
Recently I was at a wedding reception with several of my siblings and their spouses. When I was finished eating, I looked up, and all my siblings were done eating while their spouses were s… Read More
2019-11-07 01:36
I was born a fisherman. It’s in my blood, my DNA and my jeans (When I was young it was often in my jeans where I stored my hooks and sinkers. Sometimes it was in the wash when I forgo… Read More
2019-10-30 19:57
Lord, I was born a ramblin’ man,Tryin’ to make a livin’ and doin’ the best I can.And when it’s time for leavin,’I hope you understand,That I was born a r… Read More
2019-10-25 17:54
As I grow older, I find doctors prescribing more and more medications for me. The labels on the bottles say they are for different ailments, but in fact they are all for being old, because… Read More
2018-12-07 00:44
I walk into the room and my wife glares at me in a way that makes me want to run back out of the room. What did I do wrong? Or rather, what of the things I’ve done wrong did she find… Read More
2018-12-02 16:48
When I was young, I loved winter. It might have been the beauty of the world cloaked in the pure innocence of virgin snow, the way the crispness of the cold reddening my uncovered face invi… Read More
2018-10-25 21:37
Two is your eyes and one’s your nose,And five is your fingers and your toes,And four is the legs on an easy chair,Yet there ‘s no number can compare with six. Bert and E… Read More
2018-07-26 00:54
When I was little back in South Dakota, Mom was gone from our house for a couple days. I was outside playing when she got back, and when I went into the house to see her, she was sitting in… Read More
2018-07-22 16:31
To say she was my dog wouldn’t be entirely accurate. She was my youngest daughter’s dog, but she went away to college, and afterward ended up in an apartment that didn’t a… Read More
2018-05-06 15:44
We have decided that we need to lose some weight, and when I say we I of course mean my wife. I get dragged along with the same enthusiasm the Japanese-Americans had when they jumped on the… Read More
2018-04-22 15:35
My wife talks to the TV. (And not in a way you can understand such as when your football team is on the three-yard line with their butts in the end zone, and the dufus coach calls an end s… Read More
2018-04-15 14:04
I’m going to jail—federal prison to be exact. I got a call from the IRS the other day. The very stern and serious guy on the phone said they had issued a warrant for my arrest f… Read More
2018-04-08 16:09
I went to the movies the other night and was all excited because I got the seniors’ discount and only had to pay half-price for admission. (There is no surer sign of getting old than… Read More
2018-03-11 15:52
There are two sets of qualities that make a good leader. One is to be tall with wavy hair, and the other is to be short with an attitude. The latter is called a Napoleon Complex, e.g. Valdi… Read More
2018-02-25 16:24
I’ve never been much on haggling. My wife on the other hand loves a good haggle. (I think it’s genetic, because her father was a master haggler. I won’t tell you how much… Read More
2018-02-18 18:36
“So what are your plans for the day,” my wife often asks.
I have to have plans. She does things, which normally consist of going to her friends to have coffee or talking to the… Read More
2018-02-12 23:23
I’ve been watching some of the winter Olympics, and I’ve decided I don’t like them as well as the summer Olympics. I think it’s because they always have them in the… Read More
2018-02-04 16:02
When I was young, maybe seven or eight, my sister hit me in the head with a hammer. (Stop it. Stop giggling. It does NOT explain everything.) I don’t remember why she hit me&mda&helli…Read More
2018-01-28 17:03
My entire life I have lived in the Snowbelt, and I’m not talking someplace where once a year a couple of snowflakes fall and everyone runs around like they’re Arctic explorers… Read More
2017-08-06 16:30
I recently attended my forty-fifth high school reunion. It was good to catch up with what people had been doing for all these years, but two things struck me immediately.
First, I do not… Read More
2017-06-29 21:30
I’m gardening again, because I love it so much, or at least that what my wife says. She says I don’t like it as much as cooking, cleaning the house or doing laundry, but… Read More
2017-06-20 23:58
When I was in high school I had a plan to be a multimillionaire before I retired. Over the years I have worked hard, saved, refined and altered the plan until I am on the verge of fulf… Read More
2017-05-14 13:01
Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers, mothers to be, people who want to be mothers and anyone who has ever had a mother. ( Did I miss anyone?)
I once knew a guy who bough… Read More
2017-04-27 22:13
I’m often asked by different people if I’ve ever smoked, i.e. doctors, dentists, optometrists, insurance people and a Walmart greeter. (I think the greeter was just being nosey… Read More
2017-04-21 21:40
Announcer (in a deep, manly, announcer voice): Stay tuned at the end of this blog for a chance to win free prizes. Now excuse me while I go smoke a couple more packs of cigarettes so my v… Read More
2017-04-14 22:11
I have great gums. I’ve had three dental hygienists tell me so. Recently one told me my gums were all twos and threes with maybe a borderline four, but it was nothing to worry about… Read More
2017-04-03 23:21
I haven’t been online for a while. I had a virus or got hacked, and my computer had problems, too. People kept telling me they were getting friend requests from me. I don’t se… Read More
2017-01-17 23:24
I haven’t written a blog post lately because I’ve been busy growing a beard. My wife doesn’t understand how labor intensive growing a beard can be.
Often she’ll come… Read More
2016-12-04 16:54
&nb&helli…Read More
2016-11-16 22:27
The nurse led me into the examining room, took my blood pressure and stood to leave.
“The doctor will be in to see you in a little bit,” she said and left, closing the door beh… Read More
2016-11-03 21:12
My grandpa was a barber. He wasn’t a hairdresser or hairstylist. He was a barber. If you had called him a cosmetologist, he would have decked you, because he was a good Baptist and wo… Read More
2016-10-30 17:37
It’s almost the end of October and the yearly heat dance has started. It began when my wife asked me to change the furnace filter.
“Did you want me to start the furnace?”… Read More
2016-10-17 21:27
I’ve always had an inner mountain man. I’m one of those guys who feels he was born a hundred years too late. Deep inside me is a grizzled old man yearning to live off the land a… Read More
2016-10-13 22:21
I still remember the old Timex watch commercials. They would drop a watch into the ocean where it would be eaten by a fish which would be eaten by a bigger fish which would be eaten by an e… Read More
2016-10-09 15:43
Sometimes people ask me what is the best part about being a writer. Usually I tell them it’s the creativity, but actually it’s not having to wear a suit or a uniform when I wri… Read More
2016-09-25 15:32
My novel The Almond People will be out in early 2017. It’s my fifth novel, and my first horror novel. When my first novel was published, people would sometimes call me a writer… Read More
2016-09-12 22:18
After careful consideration, weighing the scientific facts and doing the mathematical calculations, I have come to the logical conclusion that my wife is … A SORCERESS!!
I know what… Read More
2016-08-28 15:58
My wife wants a piano. She doesn’t play the piano and neither do I. There are all kinds of musical chromosomes floating around in my DNA. My mother never had a piano lesson in her li… Read More
2016-08-21 17:53
I stopped filling my birdfeeder for a few days. There are some younger birds who are at it all the time. It’s the middle of summer and food is easy to find, but they still sit at the… Read More
2016-08-17 22:00
THE RORSCHACH INKBLOT TEST
My wife walked into the room holding a red outfit in one hand and a blue one in the other hand.
“Which of these should I wear to the Cavanaugh’s?&rdqu&hell…Read More
2016-08-14 17:54
I believe there are things that happen which cannot be explained by worldly means, e.g., how rap and disco became popular, why the Chicago Cubs can’t win a World Series and many thi… Read More
2016-08-07 21:57
Long ago in a different time I worked at a packinghouse to support my wife’s and kids’ addiction to food, clothing and heat. One day a guy I worked with told me he had joined… Read More
2016-08-03 00:11
I’ve finally made it down to my recommended BMI weight. It was only five pounds under the point when people started asking, “How long do you have to live?”
Losing weight… Read More
2016-07-26 22:42
The first actual eight-hour-a-day-hate-it-after-two-hours-but have-to-keep-working-because-I-need-the-money-to-buy-frivolous-junk-I–thought-I-just-had-to-have job I ever had was in th… Read More
2016-07-18 21:18
I’m feeding squirrels. I started out feeding birds by putting a bird feeder up in my backyard. A while later I put up a bigger post with two feeders on it. The squirrels shinnied up… Read More
2016-04-03 19:01
Someone once said, “If the year went to the bathroom, April is where it’d wipe when it was finished.” It’s the Ain’t month: ain’t winter, ain’t spr… Read More
2016-03-28 20:09
When we were in California last year, my wife and I stopped at Napa Valley. When you’re in Napa Valley you visit a winery, because that’s really all there is. When… Read More
2016-03-23 21:53
The other day my wife walked through the door and started yelling. Of course I quickly went through the list of things she might have found out that I’d done. I came up empty… Read More
2016-03-13 21:33
I’ve always believed cats are alien beings from another planet that have come here to conquer Earth. They would have already accomplished their goal if they had opposable thumbs to ho… Read More
2016-03-02 00:01
When my wife and I retire in a few years, we plan on doing some traveling. My wife has this idea that if we buy a $40,000 camper and pull it with a $60,000 truck that gets three gallons to… Read More
2015-08-17 22:55
It has been a while since my last blog post. It has been a busy summer, and I’ve had a lot to do with trying to make the weeds grow in my garden and all. Today it was raining and a M… Read More
2015-07-09 23:29
I’ve never been a big fan of movie musicals. I don’t hate them. It’s just, if I had my choice, I’d rather have a movie with a good story, good acting, symbolism, ir… Read More
2015-07-03 20:18
Happy almost Fourth of July. Tomorrow is the day, two hundred thirty-nine years ago, when the American Patriots declared their independence from England, because they were tired of dr… Read More
2015-06-06 13:41
I’m gardening again. This is the time of year when I till, plant and weed a piece of ground while Mother Nature watches and laughs manically. Right now, early in the season, my gard… Read More
2015-05-07 18:54
In the 1968 Mexico City Olympics, Bob Beamon was a long jumper for the United States. After scratching on his first two attempts, Bob’s third attempt broke the world record by… Read More
2015-04-21 20:26
Recently there has been a scandal in the writing world. An author was exposed for paying a company to post almost five thousand glowing reviews of his book on Amazon. The reason he did it… Read More
2015-04-03 20:59
Above is the cover for my fourth novel In The Lake due out in May in paperback and ebook. Richard Stroud, who did the cover for my first novel, did the cover for this one also. I tol… Read More
2015-03-21 02:07
My wife and I just got back from California. We went out to celebrate my aunt’s eighty-eighth birthday, and decided to stay a week to check out the state. My aunt is the last one of m… Read More
2015-03-13 00:12
When I was still in law enforcement, the most asked question I got was: “How come you belly hangs so far over your belt?” (“It’s where I store my spare ammunitio… Read More
2015-02-28 00:27
It is interesting to know one’s heritage, especially if that one is me. My great grandfather on my father’s side came over from Germany. My grandfather was the first person in h… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
If you do someone a favor, the first time they appreciate it. If you do it a second time, it becomes your job. That’s how I ended up doing all the cooking at our house. One evening my… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Awhile ago we got new pillows. They are the gel ones that are supposed to contour around your head and give you the perfect fit. (My wife says in the morning my pillow looks like the mold of… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
I have run into a problem with the mystery I have been working on. To try to work it out I went back to working on my coming-of-ag… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
( I apologize in advance. I had trouble coming up with something to write about this week) I just finished starting my cabbage seedlin… Read More
Subscribe to Thewritingdeputy | A Humorous Look At Everything W
Get updates delivered right to your inbox!