Anyone who’s ever suffered from Insomnia will agree with me when I say that it is just… Girngunrrfndfjjenfj (that incoherent word is me internally screaming). There is nothing more frustrating than lying awake for hours on end, willing your mind to relent and just…rest. As bad as it can get, I do find myself thinking about some pretty random yet admittedly funny things. So I thought, hey, why not share my misery with my blogging friends so that at least someone might benefit from all of this?! Or, you know, I’ll cause dozens of existential crises. Whatever. 

When Wordsworth was in a vacant or pensive mood, he thought about daffodils. Not me. Oh no.

So without further ado, here is a list of my most bizarre insomnia-induced thoughts: 

1. Rhinos are basically obese unicorns.
2. If cats had opposable thumbs and better attention spans, we would be so screwed. 
3. I am ridiculously addicted to coffee but don’t see it as a problem. 
4. We are truer to ourselves drunk than sober.
5. Friendship is basically spending time with another person and not hating it.
6. It is sad that more people are interested in astrology than astronomy. 
7. A boxing ring is not a ring. Also, boxing is pretty barbaric. 
8. Katy Perry looks really like Zooey Deschanel.
9. Holden Caulfield just really wanted a damn conversation. 
10. Garfield looks nothing like an actual cat but dammit he’s adorable. 
11. Cauliflower is the best damn vegetable. 
12. A priest hearing confession gets the best gossip. 
13. The universe, is like, really big.  
14. I have taught well over 1,000 students. Jesus tap-dancing Christ.
15. Was Jesus a good dancer? 
16. Why aren’t people kinder to one another? 
17. Diplomatic crises should be solved by making world leaders watch clips of sea otters holding hands.
18. The one thing North Koreans have going for them is that they probably don’t know who the Kardashians are.
19. Gossip Girl was actually a pretty rubbish show, but a pretty entertaining one too. 
20. If you could make shoes for spiders, they would be 75% less terrifying. 

So, erm, there you have it. These are the thoughts that race through my coffee-addled brain at stupid o’ clock at night. 

What do you think about  when you’re in bed? Normal things? Or collies that look like Richard Gere? Share below!