Against all odds––and seemingly against all logic––the NFL has decided to hold Super Bowl Lii (2017) in Minneapolis' Metrodome. Not only that, but they are going to use the version of the domed stadium that collapsed under the weight of heavy snowfall in 2010.
Many locals are dumbfounded but impressed with the ingenuity of the Vikings owners alongside Minneapolis officials in tricking the NFL and Roger Goodell to hold the Super Bowl in the Land of 10,000 Lakes.
"Yo, get this," Vikings Owner and president Mark Wilf whispered with a look over his shoulder, "the NFL actually thinks we are building a brand new stadium right fucking now in which to play this game that's what, 3 years down the line? Good fucking luck."
We spoke on the edge of the space that once held the Metrodome. It's nothing but a hole in the ground.
But how are they going to play the world's biggest sporting event under the domed ceiling if it was razed to the ground in January? Easy, says Wilf. "Instead of building that state of-the-art-stadium, we are using the billion dollars in secured taxpayer funds to build a spot-on replica of the Metrodome circa December 2010. Just a big 'fuck you' to the league."
|Notice any Vikings players on the field? Didn't think so. Shitty fan turnout as well.|
Locals' opinions seemed to be mixed on the ruse. "I like the idea," said avid Vikings fan Kevin Kookie as he drank his Wednesday afternoon beer at a Minneapolis bar. "The league has been robbing us of Super Bowls for years. They've also robbed us of playoff wins, playoff appearances, and winning records in general. It's about time we returned the favor." He continued after a gulp of beer and a thousand yard stare, "And tricking the NFL that we're building a big fancy stadium to host the Super Bowl then pulling the rug out from under them, well," he laughed. "It just makes sense."
Another Vikings supporter I spoke with disagreed. "Maybe we should just go ahead and use that money to build the real stadium. Just a thought," said Meerial Puffin with a shrug. "Maybe bring in some attention and economical reinforcement to the Twin Cities area, one of the hidden gems of this country." She thought for a moment before saying with that trademark Midwestern insecurity, "Or, I dunno. It's probably stupid. No one wants to come here."
So opinions are mixed––that much is sure––when it comes to the plan to build a replica of the collapsed Metrodome instead of a real stadium. But you can't deny this: The Lombardi Trophy is going to be in Minneapolis in 2017. Too bad it will be for all the wrong reasons.