It's been a long time, loyal readers, but your pervy preacher is back. I don't Write too frequently so that I can maintain even the smallest semblance of quality on this page. Staggland holds itself to the highest standards of quality.

Meanwhile, please enjoy this picture of Sunny Leone.

But then, my quality standards are based on the assumption that you, dear reader, are fairly intelligent. If you're reading this, it means you understand English, have a privileged middle class upbringing, and therefore have what passes for education in India.



Then why oh why, privileged reader, did you go full retard in 2014? As if it's not enough that my FB feed is filled with you sharing your precious Storypick and ScoopWhoop links, the world had to bear witness to these acts of utter chutiyapa:


Maria Sharapova doesn't watch cricket and pisses off... the Mallus?
Sachin fans are the most annoying fans in India. It's something that you just had to put up with in the 90s, and maybe were even complicit in. Being a fan of Sachin somehow conferred a sense of entitlement, because Sachin-fandom was obviously something you earned through blood, sweat and tears.

And some homo-erotic posturing.

Sachin fans have over the years convinced themselves that Sachin's achievement= their own achievement, and by transitivity, Sachin's failure=their own failure. Add to this another layer of transitivity and fuck-wittery and you have any Sachin-criticism being equated by a fan to someone punching his own mother in the face.

"Tuune meri maa pe haath kaise lagaya behenchod!"

Unfortunately, nobody gave the memo to Russian superbabe Maria Sharapova, whose only crime was taking a cricket pop quiz in the middle of a tennis tournament, and not knowing who Sachin is, because Fuck you Maria! Aren't all Russian tennis players taught about Sachin in the Communist Tennis Academy?

Reputed online publications were quick to address the issue, but that's just one part of it. The internet works in beautifully random ways, never more evident than when Sharapova's ignorance triggered the biggest Mallu shit storm outside of a Mohan Lal vs Mammooty dick measuring contest.



How did this come about? Was there some sort of a call to social-jihaad sent out over secret Malayali chatrooms? Did Mallus sit around a table in a toddy shop and chart out a Facebook war strategy? Did it look anything like this? We'll never know. But somehow, hundreds upon hundreds of people took to Maria's Facebook page, spewing barely contained Mallu rage with unintentional hilarity.

Maria doesn't know what the fuck they're saying, but she agrees 100%

The Mallus are an educated people, known more for being football fans, so what caused this retarded flame war will remain a mystery. Regardless, the troops are fighting on to this very day! As for whether Sharapova now knows how many centuries Sachin scored in away matches on a bouncy pitch where India didn't win, ask her in English.



Deepika Padukone and TOI fight over boobs, and everyone picks a side
Feminism is a pretty twisted concept to wrap your mind around. Does not punching a girl make you anti-feminist? Is not giving up a seat to a woman feminist? I don't know, I'm going to ask a woman to make me a sandwich while I think about this.

Advertising pamphlet and part time newspaper Times of India made the rookie mistake of boobwatching that all of you have made at some point- getting too excited about boobs on the radar, nudging your friend about it and getting caught in the process.

Dheere bol chutiye, woh sun legi.

Deepika got pissed off, and whether she had any right to be is a debate for another day. But that's where things took a turn for the bizarre. White knights started putting on their shining armour and took to Twitter, the most feminist-y of social media platforms, to voice their outrage over boobs being checked out.

And now let's get back to shooting that item number that adds nothing to the plot... except boobs.

Not to be left behind, the pro-boob crowd showed up, questioning Deepika's monopoly over her boobs, how she had liberally cast them in her movies that had nothing else worth talking about, and how TOI was any different.  TOI even came up with an in depth Boob-chronicle: an unofficial biography of Deepika's boobs and their journey through Bollywood, as other newspapers joined the Boob wars with their own artillery.

This writer couldn't write a blog on it as he was drowned by all the other voices.

Boob is love, boob is life, boob cuts across barriers and boob unites. But somehow, between TOI, Deepika, and you the people, boobs became a battleground for the never ending argument about ethics, morality and parampara. My head hurts thinking about the time these people wasted debating boobs which could have been put to much better use by, well, watching boobs. I think I'm going to do exactly that.

India embraces politics, and votes for stupidity
The elections were a big fucking deal this time round, and more so on social media. This was the first time the people on Facebook and Twitter were old enough to cast a vote, so of course they had to take to make their opinions heard through tweets and status updates about Pappu, Namo and Kejri. The more pro-actively inclined among us decided that just talking chutiyapa on a public forum wasn't nearly enough to leave a mark, and took it 1 step further.

That's also how he asks out girls on twitter.

But that wasn't the only thing happening. In other parts of the world we had ISIS doing their thing, Putin turning into a James Bond villain, Israel-Hamas doing an India-Pak. Speaking of which, back home, we had India-Pak doing... well, an India-Pak, UP getting into the state sport of religious riot, people getting killed in Assam, TMC bringing the Bollywood politician cliche to life...

2014- A brief political overview

A lot was posted and tweeted about the same, and going into the maha-chutiyapa vomitted to social media would require me to write a book, probably hardbound, with an angry penis scrawled on the cover, which would be made into a movie starring Jacky Bhagani.. But instead, I could sum up all the keyboard diarrhea and this entire article with this one screenshot.


Fuck you, dear reader. Fuck you.

Honorable Mention- India takes on Racism, by addressing topics of considerable global significance such as an NYT cartoon and a Priyanka Chopra movie.

PS- Articles will now be shorter so I can write more frequently.