Porn not being legal in the land of Kamasutra is like food not being legal on a farm- yea we invented it, but we're having none of it. Or at least that's the way the government wants it to be.
Regardless of that, if you are reading this article, there is a 97% probability that you have porn on your computer.

So there doesn't seem to be any logic in keeping porn illegal when just about everyone at some point during the day will be bringing out their secret stash and playing with their mini hose.

Intellectuals have already argued about this enough times on those news channels you watch when there's nothing good on TV. Its been debated in newspapers as well. But somehow the debates there always disintegrate into pseudo-legalosophy that makes things more confusing than before.

"For porn to be made illegal, we must first define porn- define that depth of penile penetration where family soap operas end and hardcore boning begins"

This blog is not gonna go in that direction, not at this stage anyway. Instead, we are going to give you five rock-hard throbbing reasons that  ejaculate all over the ban law.

1. Asshole neutralization
Look around yourself and you're gonna see a bunch of pissed off men everywhere, doing nothing but pissing other people off. That right there is our generation paying for the last generation's obsession with male babies and female foeticide.

Let me explain- With too many cocks and too little pussy to go around, people today are just frustrated and don't know why- everything else about their lives seems to be in order. This frustration eventually boils up into a ball of rage inside them, sort of like what happens with the Incredible Hulk when he is angry.

This is not me pulling stuff out of my ass. Sigmund fucking Freud, the inventor of psychology, stated that our behavior and every goddamn thing we think and do is in someway rooted to our sexual desires.  He even claimed that every stage of a man's life is defined by some sort of sexual fixation, although he was probably just talking about himself there.

Think about it. Boss being a dick to you? He isn't being served on time. Policeman pulled you over and fined you? His stick is not getting polished enough. Landlord being an asshole? His downstairs isn't getting serviced properly. The list just goes on and on.

Think about how much better life would be if you can find a way to get guys laid more often. But you can't, unless you are planning to become a really cheap pimp, in which case please leave your contact number in the comments section. For the rest of us, porn is the best and most practical solution.


At a personal level, watching your daily dose of Naughty America and rubbing one out every day would probably make you a more likable person since you have all your shit together.


On a grander scale, reduced frustration means reduced rage means reduced negativity. Happy boss, happy cop, happy landlord. On an even granderer stage....

The possibilities of masturbating the assholery out of assholes are limitless- happier work environments, lesser crimes of passion, lesser acts of vandalism and terrorism, and harmony and co-existence for all mankind.

2. Educating the kids
If you watched movies with your family growing up, your Dad probably had a finger on the Channel changer the entire time in case a woman in the movie so much as got groped. The confusing sex education you received was not from your teachers but your best friend- who told you masturbation will turn your hair grey and give you pimples and make your dick fall off because of all the yanking.

Naturally, most of us grew up with weird ideas about sex, and we have to wait for blogs like this one to come along and clear the air. In an India where porn was a lot more mainstream, we would all be a lot more comfortable with it, and it would be a lot easier for parents to teach their kids about the birds and the bees.

Pay attention here, this blog is not advocating porn for kids, because it doesn't need to. Most kids have got access to all the porn they need, and then some. If you are reading this blog, then you had porn on your computer when you were a kid. And naturally, you grew up thinking porn is how real sex should be.

What this article is advocating is PG-Porn- sit down with the teens with a bag of popcorn and a porn DVD and tell them what is real and what is just batshit crazy. Its just like telling them the difference between driving a car in real life and driving a car in GTA.

Now most of you might find this argument weak, and why wouldn't you? Its not like there is any credible backing to this theory, oh except maybe the goddamn teachers union of the goddamn United Kingdom.


3. Reclaiming our reputation as the Kamasutra studs
This is how modern Indian women think of sex-

This is how they actually have sex-

Research tells us that most Indian women find sex to be too much of a chore, mainly due to prevailing social taboos and psychological factors.
Guys, our women are still not comfortable with their sexuality, let alone exploring it with your manbooby, shapeless and hairy ball of flab you call a body.
In a world where porn was the norm, most chicks would be not only be a lot cooler with rolling around the sack, they might even open up to trying new stuff once in a while. Win win situation for everyone involved.
But then, people are gonna object that its against our sanskaar, that it's a corrupting western influence, because fuck it, people in this country just love to object to every little thing.
But this is not going to turn into a debate on the morals involved or freedom of choice. Those of you objecting on the grounds of cultural identity, just think about how the world thinks of Indians presently.


This is how the world thinks of the French-


Which one would you rather be?
Exactly.
We invented the Kamasutra, goddamnit. That's like the Oxford dictionary of banging. And we are the guys who wrote the Oxford dictionary of banging. But in the two thousand years between then and now, the Europeans stole that identity from us. It was the most valuable thing they ever stole, even more valuable than the fucking Kohinoor.

Porn brings creativity into your pathetic sex lives, and creativity raises sex from taboo to art. Not only is your sex life better than before, but you are getting international accreditation for it.


4. Community building
People have some pretty fucked up sexual fantasies, that are too vulgar to describe even on StaggLandd, but I will still link to a couple of them here and here (No pics, thank God). Reading those pages has killed a part of my soul, as am sure it will kill some part of yours.

Living horror movies like those are not a few and far in between. Think up the worst sexual nightmare you can, and google it. You'll find someone has already written a 2000-word blog describing in mind-raping detail the exquisite pleasure they get from humping their dog or eating their lover's shit or whatever the hell it is they get off to.

And that's just the sick guys with an internet connection who like to write. What about the sick guys who don't like to write? What about the sick guys not on the internet? What about you? Yes you, sitting on the computer.




Not gonna admit it? Neither will anyone else. Apart from the guys posting on the internet, and that's under anonymity, we lock up our depraved fantasies in the back of our mind and flush the key down the toilet, lest they lock us up in the nuthouse. But that's where you got it wrong- every damn person has got that one sick disgusting sexual fantasy they think they can't tell anyone else, except there are probably at least a 100 other people in your city with the exact same fantasy. Now if only we were just no so tight-assed about this whole porn thing...
"You jerk off to Olive Oyl too?  Good to know I'm not alone, I thought there was something wrong with me."

No matter how much you guilt or embarrassment you feel about your weird-ass sexual fantasies, there's always someone who shares it. Doesn't that make you feel better? We are all weirdos, but there's something comforting about knowing there exist weirdos with a wavelength of weirdness that matches yours.
Having it out in the open and talking to someone about it is actually healthy for you, sort of like a group therapy.

5. Job creation, GDP, Employment & all that shit
The global porn industry is worth over a $100 billion. Of which India's contribution- Nil. And its not for lack of demand- every guy you know has got porn on his computer, in some cases even the girls carry some. So why not internally meet that demand through our own desi flavor?

And we have the manpower to fill it in. Think of all the losers that get spit out from Bollywood each year. The desi porn industry would be the safety net for all these people. Sure, nobody would watch a Bollywood film starring them, but who would say no to a porno starring a Poonam Pandey or a Sherlyn Chopra?


So not only are jobs being created, but revenue is being generated which contributes to the GDP, which increasing our spending power, which creates more jobs and so on and so forth. This is something the government should seriously consider to get the economy out of the state it is in presently.

"Motion to reallocate funds from primary education to the porn industry. I also move the house to make boob implants for porn stars a tax deductible expense"

That's all for now. If you can think of any other compelling reason, leave it in the comments section.