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The Stagg Menn's guide to writing Office Mail

Due to a number of reasons, not least of which is moving to a different city, Stagglandd has not been as active as we'd want it to be. We here being me, and all 8 7 of the blog followers.

This guy ended up here while googling porn. He doesn't count.

This is not where I reassure you that StaggLandd will be active in no time, because I have to move to a different city, find a place to live, scout the neighborhood for hot chicks, do absolutely nothing about the hot chicks except go home and jerk myself off to sleep, and finally set up my internet connection for some more healthy jerking off to sleep, and of course writing for StaggLandd during the post-masturbation fatigue and recovery time period.
Ejaculating words after ejaculating semen can be pretty damn tiring.

Until then, I have to sign out on a high. This is going to be one of the rare posts where I cite wisdom from my own life, rather than bitching about other stuff that has become the norm here. Mainly because I can't think of any topics to write about at such short notice.

As a reader of this blog, you are probably old enough to be working in office, or about to join one, or given your reading taste, about to get fired from one.

Even Galileo was persecuted for being ahead of his times, just like you for reading StaggLandd.

Office mailers are an integral part of your daily work, you probably spend more time mailing your colleagues and your boss than you spend working. Depending on what kind of a work culture you belong to, you probably have to send an official mail for anything from permission to scratch your ass to taking a piss.

"This mail is a formal request to contact  a hospital."
And if you're anyone normal, you probably hate your job, but not as much as you hate having to actually take permission to do the job you hate doing.

"Request to use office computer on Saturday, and ruin my whole fucking weekend."

Well, suffer no longer. This article is a solution to how you can actually make your office mailers fun and get a kick out of writing them. In its no-bullshit approach and journalistic integrity, StaggLandd is giving you an example of a real life mail I sent to my maha-chutiya boss. It is in fact the last communication I ever sent him. I repeat, the following is a true story.

Nothing out of the ordinary? Tsk tsk. Look at the letter like a stagg mann, like you would look at a woman.
No close is too close.

No, not like that. From head to toe. Vertically instead of horizontally.

Yes, StaggMann's real life alter-ego is just as screwed up as he is.

And it doesn't just have to be on a relieving letter. It can work on leave applications, deadline extension requests, minutes of the meeting and whatever else people send mail for in offices. But of course, it'll require some flair for writing to get away with it while still looking cool as fuck.

No. Just No.
 And it doesn't have to only be obscenities. Think about that hot colleague you never had the balls to talk to except through official communication. This would be a pussy way to tell her your feelings, without her even knowing, but at least it's a step up from doing absolutely nothing.

"And maybe next year, I can say Hi to her."
Do use the comments section in case you decide to go ahead with it. Apart from gaining a very soothing sense of mental satisfaction, you can also take screenshots of it and upload it to your Facebook, or take a printout of it for bragging rights.

Disclaimer- The stunts shown in this article have been performed by a professional communications specialist, and StaggLandd will not be held responsible in case this backfires in your own office. However, StaggLandd encourages you to give it a try anyway.

This post first appeared on Stagg Land- Tales From The Infinite Pit, please read the originial post: here

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The Stagg Menn's guide to writing Office Mail


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