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4 reasons Indians will soon be living inside a terrifying Hollywood dystopian movie


We've all had our fair share of those futuristic dystopian movies, like 1984 and The Running Man for those of you filmversed or older, and Hunger Games for those of you younger. The plots for this genre are pretty similar- you have a totally tight-assed government dictatorship that is totally all-powerful and totally asshole. They control every single aspect of the people's lives, from what they watch on TV to when they can scratch their ass. People who fall out of line are thrown into a Gladiator-style death games, or fed to a rat, or ambushed by a SWAT team in the middle of the night, or anything else that the government's annual budget will allow.

"As part of the annual fiscal plan, we are allocating 60% to genocide."

You watch a movie like that, and you think, actually, you DON'T think that this sort of situation will ever happen to India. And why would it? Sure we have a pretty corrupt government that is screwing us in every hole there is and blatantly feeding us bullshit lies. But toughness has never been the Indian bureaucracy's  forte. They can't even get us to follow the simplest of traffic rules for fuck's sake.

Even the cows don't pay attention to the red light any more.

But that's where you are wrong. While you are under the assumption that the netaas are seemingly content with just stealing all your money and lying to your face about it, these are the Bond-villainesque sinister plans afoot to completely turn your life into V for Vendetta, only without the vigilante to save the day. 

1. A secret Ruling class
The scary Hollywood version
Equilibrium, where you have a Father who controls everything, only nobody has seen the man in real life (until the end of the movie, when you find out he never existed). Or 1984, which has the mysterious Big Brother who knows even the deepest fears of his citizens, while the only thing the citizens know of Big Brother is that he is bald, and has a pretty cool moustache.

And is quite possibly Rakesh Roshan's evil twin.
This lack of information is how they present a pretty perfect picture of themselves, because the less you know of their behind-the scenes dickery, the less reason you have to hate them and the more you fear them.

The scarier real-life counterpart
RTI, bitches. Or the lack of it, political parties have decided that you have no right to their information. If you don't realize the magnitude of douchebaggery in this move- think of it this way- would you able to get away with not filing your Tax returns, or not giving any information about where you get your money from? The netas can get away with that sorta thing, which means they are basically this mysterious, faceless and all-powerful entity with an unlimited source of funds who hold the lives of a billion people in the palm of their hand.

Faceless, mysterious and with an unlimited money supply. Basically, the Cobra Commander.
With this big Fuck-You to democracy, what has come about is parties operating secretly behind a closed door, and you never know what the hell is going on. Thankfully, we have our vigilant and nosey reporters who would keep uncovering sh.. oh wait... read on.

2. Mind-control Propaganda
The scary Hollywood version-
1984, where the government uses propaganda to hypnotize the citizens. Or V for Vendetta, where one of the characters who happens to be some sort of Arnab Goswami kinda guy (but less annoying) pokes a little harmless fun at the evil government on his TV show. And the government shows its good humour by assassinating him in the middle of the night.

The scarier real life counterpart
Congress TV personality and chief blame-deflector Manish Tiwari has set about assassinating journalistic freedom by pushing a law whereby newspeople have to be licensed by the government.  In his defense, he's only doing it so that there can be some legitimacy in journalism, just like licensing of doctors, because of the similar fatal injuries that journalistic negligence can cause.

Non-sterilized recording instruments spread germs and even cause infections.

Yes, if this law comes to pass, every journalist ever has to be approved by a politician before he is even allowed to print a single word. For a world where this comes to pass, imagine if the CWG scam, the 2G scam and the Coal-gate were never even reported, with all of us living like the blissfully stupid sheep right before they are turned into delicious mutton curry. Also think back to Nazi Germany and Soviet Russia, where media propaganda was used to brainwash millions of people and leaders elevated themselves to a Cult of personality status.

"Also tell them that I have a really big penis."
But of course our judges will never allow for restriction free press. It's not just violating the constitution, but tearing out its pages and using it as toilet paper. As its protectors, our courts of law will kick some neta-ass, right?

3. Judges as a tool of oppression
The scary Hollywood version
Dredd, where the government enters into a tag-team with the judges to inflict some rapid justice on the people. And by rapid justice, I don't mean the record breaking 9 month trial you saw of the Delhi gangrape, but going around shooting everyone who looks suspicious. It's basically a scenario of what happens when the douchebaggery of a government and the ultimate power of a judiciary have unprotected sex and out springs a hate-baby.

The scarier real life counterpart
For ages, we could always rest assured knowing we had a powerful and independent judiciary who would occasionally tell the government to buckle the fuck up when a 10 minute drizzle melted our tar roads or tell the CBI to pull their heads out of their asses when the latest scam started playing in a TV channel near you. We could sleep at night knowing whatever fuckery the netas drummed up, our judges would put a stop to it as long as enough newspapers complained about it. Not any more.

"There is no room for this kanoon nonsense here."

Up until now, the judges were appointed through what is called a Collegium system, which is a really cool name for what basically means 'stay the fuck out of our business'. But that's about to change. Because the legislature hasn't found enough ways to fuck the country over, they are now pushing for having a say in the judge selection process. What that means is analogous to school students getting to pick the teacher evaluating their test papers. Being as all of you were school students once, you know how well that's going to turn out.

"We not wanting english saar for checking english test."
And what happens when you put all these things together? You don't have to wait long enough to find out, the results are already here-

4. A ridiculously evil leader
The scary Hollywood version
What's the one common thread running across all these movies, be it Equilibrium, V for Vendetta, Hunger Games or what have you? Apart from a conflicted central character? And apart from a lot of violence? And apart from being set in the future? And apart from the million other things that are common across these movies yet somehow they are 'different'?

Every Hollywood movie ever.

The top boss running the show is always, always a mahachutiya douchebag dictator. One thing that the movies never bother to explain is how such a borderline psychopath got to where he is in the first place without getting thrown in jail. But then, we realize the futility of questioning leadership dynamics in a movie where guys are dodging bullets shot from a point blank range, and move on.

The scarier real life counterpart
Unlike Hollywood movies, real life dystopias do come up with a very good back story detailing the complete fuck-up. In this case, it happens to be the politicians issuing an ordinance that pretty much over-rules a Supreme Court ruling preventing convicted politicians from contesting elections.
For those of you wondering how the Supreme Court, which is the highest judiciary body in the country, got overruled by a bunch of goons who probably didn't even go to school, it's because of the 'ordinance', which is legal parlance for 'Fuck You'.

"Up yours!"

Now of course this can't be all that bad, can it? A prospective prime minister could have been a pick pocket years ago, forced into stealing to buy medicine for his ageing mother, or a gundaa who fought for the protection of the people in his nukkad. So of course it's okay to vote for some righteous criminal who spent a few months or a year in jail.

Admit it, you would vote for this man in a heartbeat.

The court thought the same thing too, which is why they banned only those politicians who were slapped with a sentence of more than 2 years, a ban that has since then been overturned. Which basically means people who have been sentenced to prison for more than 2 years, a sentence which would only come with such petty crimes as murder, gangrape, robbery, stealing a few hundred crores, genocide and such.

This man would have been PM if he had only been sent to jail instead of being shot down.

So all in all, we are just a few years away from living in a dystopian movie. For now, you can be thankful Hunger Games-style gladiatorial death matches for the amusement of the ruling class haven't started yet.

Wait a minute!

Edit- Heard that the ordinance in point 4 was withdrawn just a few hours after publishing this article. But who's to say they can't introduce it again?


This post first appeared on Stagg Land- Tales From The Infinite Pit, please read the originial post: here

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4 reasons Indians will soon be living inside a terrifying Hollywood dystopian movie

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