Excerpt from the Book Sports the Olympics Forgot This book describes 40 sports that ought to be played but aren’t, because I made them up.

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Zigeuner soon passed the limping Hayes with the one-skied Schnabel bringing up the rear and this is how they finished three hours later at Flin Flon. Both Hayes and Schnabel went to hospital afterwards where they shared a ward with Parent and Braepond. Al Zigeuner’s humanitarian assistance to Braepond is remembered in the Zigeuner award given to acts of charity during the Contest.

The rules for the contest have not changed since 1943 and it’s still an arduous challenge even for the fittest and healthiest contestants. Al Zigeuner won the contest again in 1944 by a greater margin than in 1943 because he didn’t have to carry any of his fellow competitors. Ziguener’s record of winning twice was only bettered between 1996 and 1998 by Benny ‘The Heron’ Novoselic, whose time of 4:21:32 in 1998 is still a record.