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Cat Jokes

Cat jokes are conventionally a branch of animal jokes, this bundle of cat jokes gathered by Jokesful are so funny. These cat jokes consist of question and answer jokes as well as long and short jokes that will really make you cry laughing. Still, we begin by a hilarious video that you should watch as far as you are a cat lover. In today’s thread, you will discover and laugh out loud about our cat jokes. Enjoy!

Cat Jokes Video

Cat Jokes

Cat Jokes

A man drives deep into the forest to get rid of his cat. He lets her out at an abandoned place. After one hour he gets a phone call from his wife: “The cat is back.”
The man growls: “Ok, can you put her on, I got lost and need directions.”

Q: Why shouldn’t you kidnap the kitten, Keanu?
A: Because curiousity killed the cat burglar.

A woman sits in a diner. A cat comes in, buys a chocolate ice cream and leaves.

The woman is totally astonished, “Wow – that was unusual”.

The diner manager agrees, “That’s right. She’s never asked for anything else but strawberry before.”

Q: What do you call a lion who has eaten your mother’s sister?
A: An aunt-eater!

Q: Who are cats going to vote for in November?
A: Hillary Kitten.

Q: Why shouldn’t you kidnap the kitten, Keanu?
A: Because curiousity killed the cat burglar.

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?
A: Kitty Perry

Q: There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
A: None, because they were copycats!

A Chinese student is looking for an inexpensive room to rent. He finds one, but the owner warns him, “Yes, you can have the room. But we have a dog and two cats. I hope you like them.”
“No problem,” beams the student, “I’m happy to eat anything!”

Q. What do cats read in the morning?

A. Mewspapers!

Q. There were four cats in a boat, one jumped out. How many were left?

A. None. They were all copy cats!

Q. What is a cat’s favourite color?

A. Purrr-ple

Q. What game did the cat like to play with the mouse?

A. Catch!

Q. Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?

A. To the mewseum.

Q. What kind of cats like to go bowling?

A. Alley cats!

Q. Why do cats make terrible story tellers?

A. They only have one tail.

Q. What do cats eat for breakfast?

A. Mice Crispies.

Q. Why did the cat run away from the tree?

A. Because it was afraid of the bark!

Q. Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide?

A. Because he’s always spotted.

Two gangsters are about to break out of prison. The first one jumps off a wall into a trash container.

The guard shouts, “Who’s there?”

Gangster replies, “MEOOOOOOW!”

The guard is relieved, “Ah ok, just a cat.”

Then the second gangster jumps.

The guard gets suspicious, “Hello, anybody there?”

The second gangster yells, “Nah, just the cat again!”

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens. How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up. How do you know when your cat has been using your computer? When your mouse has teeth marks on it! If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws. What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas? Santa Claws! What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit. What has more lives than a cat? A frog – it croaks all the time! What is a cat’s favorite subject in school? HISS-tory. Which is the cats’ all-time favorite song? “Three Blind Mice.”

The Cat door was retro-fitted with garage door opener. 9. House guests confuse your cat for beanbag chair. 8. No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz. 7. Luxurious, shiny black fur has been replaced with mint green polyester pants suit. 6. It’s no longer safe to lift him without a spotter. 5. Your two-year-old son sees the Pillsbury Dough Boy and is convinced it’s the cat. 4. Waits for the third bowl of food before getting finicky. 3. She only catches mice that get trapped in her gravitational pull. 2. An enormous gut keeps your floors freshly buffed. and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat is Overweight… 1. He has more chins than lives.

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “Whatcha doing, Tim?” “My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. “And I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”

A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man “I can’t believe what I m seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!” The man replied “Nah lady this cats not clever at all I m beating it 6 games to 1”

For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: – Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. – No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. – You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. – Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile. – No cat or teenager shares you taste in music. – Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. – Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry o n as if they did. – Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy — a sense of complete and utter boredom. – Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone’s furniture. – Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.

Cat Jokes for Kids

What looks like half a cat ?
The other half !
What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool ?
She had mittens !
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot ?
A carrot !
How do cats eat spaghetti ?
The same as everyone else – they put it in their mouths!
What is a French cat’s favourite pudding ?
Chocolate mousse !
What do cat actors say on stage ?
Tabby or not tabby !
What did the cat say when he lost all his money ?
I’m paw !
How do you know if you cat’s got a bad cold ?
He has cat-arrh !
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling ?
She’s got that down in the mouth look !
What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla ?
An animal that puts you out a night !

Did you enjoy the best thread about cat jokes? Check also:

Knock Knock Jokes

Chuck Norris Jokes

The post Cat Jokes appeared first on Jokesful.

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