Welcome to a dull but dry South Manchester on day 414 of COVID-19 restrictions. 

Rather than my normal preamble, let’s dive right into some Sunday Stealing questions. 

1. What was your proudest moment

I am guessing this is about my own proudest moment. I don’t know really if I’m honest. I’ve done a few things that I should be quite proud of but pride isn’t something that I really associate with. I am quite a humble person, or perhaps meek. I’ve overcome some hurdles is my life that would perhaps warrant a boastful outburst like attaining the qualifications to get to university and then acquiring a degree but these are things that a lot of people do. I’m quite proud that I have worked in and visited some amazing countries in my life, including Russia, China, Brazil, Vietnam, Japan, Australia, USA, Canada, South Africa – and I still want to visit more. I’ll say that.

2. What is your favourite childhood memory?

There are too many to mention but one that sticks out is going to football matches with my old man. I used to walk down to Walsall Football Club and stand with my dad on the terraces cheering for the team that I still support today. We are rubbish but I still support them to this day.

3. Describe your dream vacation.

That’s easy – a first class trip around the world. I don’t think I will ever do this (unless I win the lottery) but I would love to fly out of Manchester to Europe, Asia, Australia, North and South America, Africa then back home via Europe, writing about all of my adventures on the way. Ideally this would take a year or two. In the meantime, budget permitting I will no doubt just pop to places then back home again.

4. Do you see yourself as an optimist, pessimist, or realist?  Why?

Generally, I am a realist but I can be both optimistic and pessimistic. Why? It depends on the situation and how knowledgeable I am at the time. 

For example, I am optimistic about escaping from the COVID-19 lockdown because the vaccination programme in the UK is lowering infections despite the easing of restrictions. 

I am pessimistic about travelling abroad this year because the places that I want to go to are still struggling and the UK policy to keep COVID-19 out of the country will mean that there are restrictions on travel for a few months yet. 

I am realistic about the possibility of travelling next year. I think things will change and I will be able to go to Europe in summer 2022 because, although they are struggling at the moment, I think they will get their act together soon.

5. What is something you wanted to do as a child, but never got to do.

I wanted to learn a better musical instrument than the trombone. 

6. What board game do you hate the most?

I don’t really hate board games but some were a little boring or just overelaborate. Cluedo for example was tedious but I still played it.

7. Describe the worst haircut you ever got.

I have had many terrible haircuts, from the crewcut that my dad made me have as a young child to the chrysanthemum-headed mess that I told you about last week. I also had a mullet in the 1980’s but contrary to recent style critics, I loved it. 

I generally hate my hair anyway – I can barely tolerate it now and it is probably fine for everybody else. Mrs PM will not let me grow a mullet again – what a spoilsport she is.

8. What’s the worst job you ever had?

I was a postman while I was at university as a holiday job but the third time I did it, the post office asked me to sort out letters rather than delivering them. I loved delivering letters but I hated sorting them out. I started work at 2pm and worked until 10pm emptying bag after bag of letters and compartmentalizing them according to area. It was tedious.

9. What is one thing you want to be remembered for?

Being a nice guy and writing a blockbuster novel – it might happen one day (you never know).

10. On a scale of 1-10, what is the highest level of pain you’ve ever experienced?

I have been quite lucky with pain and never experienced anything truly terrible. Nothing specific leaps to mind but it can’t be more than a 4 out of 10 whatever it was.

11. What fashion trend do you wish would go away?

Anything that comes out of a fashion show. When I see some of the outfits that people parade in front of so-called fashionistas I inwardly cringe. Take a look at some of these:

12. What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had

I have weird dreams every night – specially if I have eaten Cheese the night before. They are usually epic in nature, involving an elaborate storyline with the weirdness of my imagination running amok.

Talking of dreams, I love this line from Stan Laurel:

And that has happened to me too. 

13. What are 2 weaknesses you have.

I procrastinate though I am trying to combat this. Beer and cheese are also weaknesses – though not together – that would just be weird.

14. How would you spend your 100th birthday?

In the UK when we reach 100 years old, we receive a telegram from the Queen. By the time I am 100 years old, she will no longer be on the throne. If she is, then that would be incredible because she would be 136 years old. 

I want to receive my telegram from the reigning monarch and then get myself on the news and ask that monarch what he or she will send me on my 200th birthday.

I plan to live forever.

15. What food/drinks would you pack in a picnic basket?

Dips: Sabra humous, cheese and chive, guacamole, mild salsa

Dippers: Dorito plain corn chips

Green olives from Spain

Ham and cheese sandwiches with tomato and mayonnaise

Cheesecake

A bottle of Rioja and a bottle of Savignon Blanc