If you’re like most Christian parents, even the title of this post makes you bristle.  Your protective instincts probably kick in when you hear me say your Children aren’t good enough.  But they aren’t…and mine aren’t, either.

The Good News Requires the Bad News

We want to build our children up.  In general, this is a good thing.  But the good news that we have a Savior is meaningless without the bad news that we need a Savior, so if we skip over this step, we’re cheating our children out of the heart of the gospel.

There’s a natural tendency, because we’re uncomfortable seeing our children uncomfortable, for parents to unwittingly talk their kids out of their need for a Savior. We rush to reassure them and, in so doing, undermine the Gospel.

Christian Kids Know They Fall Short

A child growing up in a Christian home hears that obedience pleases God, concludes (logically — and accurately) that disobedience displeases God, and becomes upset.  This is good!  The Holy Spirit is at work here.

And then we jump in with, “oh, no, Sweetie; God’s not displeased with you; God loves you,” and stifle that work of the Spirit, instead of acknowledging that yes, rebellion does displease God, but if we’re believers, He has covered our sin with His righteousness so He counts us as righteous even when we aren’t acting that way.

Or a child says, “But I can’t be kind to my sister,” and we respond with, “Sure you can!” (Sometimes followed up, more egregiously, with some version of “just try harder.”)

The biblical response is, “You’re right; you can’t…not in your own strength. That’s why we need a Savior.”

The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

I know that no Christian parents mean to undermine the gospel in their homes.  We want to edify our children, to protect them, and enable them to feel safe.

But for all our good intentions, it is spiritually dangerous to cause them to feel safe in their sin.  When they say, “I can’t,” they’re right!

We parents need to learn to live with the discomfort of letting our children realize the weight of their own sin.

“For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation…” (2 Cor. 7:10)

For Gospel-Centered Parenting, Slow Down

Next time your children (especially older elementary schoolers/tweens) are coming to you with frustrations over their behavior, pause.

Ask yourself if what you’re about to tell them is true, or if it’s false assurance.  Ask yourself if you’re giving them the Gospel.  If you’re encouraging them to trust in self, or pointing them to Jesus.