In the last couple of years the entire shape of my life has changed, personally and even professionally to a point, even though I'd been blogging for 8 years in the last 2 I've doubled my readership and now as long as I write every day I'm pretty happy that around 30,000 people every month pop back to read my daily updates.
Last night I was talking to another lovely blogger, Laura from Elle Blonde, she very excitedly told me how she loves to read my daily updates, she's on the lookout for news of Mr Adorable, and in a story that's become better than Bridget Jones, she really wants us to get it together, well lovely Laura, me too although I don't think we're any closer to achieving that now than we were about a month ago, I did say I would rather wait 6 months for another date with him than to go on lots of random dates with distinctly unadorable men so by my thinking, there are around 5 months before I just give up on the idea completely! Seriously, though, how hard can it be to find an evening where we can both just sit on the sofa together and watch a movie and maybe have some dinner? Well the answer to that is impossibly hard!
Anyway, i've digressed again, my point was that in the last 2 years I've learned more about myself than I had in the last 10 years, maybe I changed a little along the way but I'm fairly sure the person I am now is the person I will be for the rest of my life, so being much closer to my true personality than I have for around 10 years here are some facts I thought I would share about myself.
- I am eccentric, I've always known this but I think as I've grown into myself I'm much happier to just accept it and go with it.
- The worst condition I ever suffer from is loneliness, I'm someone who thrives and flourishes when I am not on my own, I have learned to quite enjoy my own company from time to time but it's daily conversations and spending time with friends and my fabulous children which essentially keeps me sane.
- I'm pretty high functioning, inspiring and wildly creative on a good day.
- On a bad day, I just want to hide under a blanket and make the world go away, on a really bad day I can't even string a sentence together.
- I am happiest when I am in a relationship because I'm someone who loves to have a best friend or partner in crime to bounce off and share things with.
- I rarely get mad, cross or cranky, I'm actually much more likely to be sad and disappointed.
- I am messy, unorganized and scatterbrained.
- I am emotionally connected and heart lead but still pretty good at business.
- I love to sing, I always have but in the last couple of months I've found myself singing more than usual, probably because I've welcomed music back into my life, when I get stressed I stop singing!
- I am still healing, every day it gets a little better and I feel I'm safe and ready to have a relationship but there are parts of me which were so damaged by the last few years that they're going to take a whole lot of time to be fully healed.
This is the most personal, emotional and honest article I've written for a while, it's really hard to open yourself up and say "hey, this is me, this is what I'm really like" but then I think if you are completely honest and open all of the time then technically it should make it easier for people to accept that you really have no hidden agenda, they can trust what you say is what you really mean.
To experience life and all it's complexities, you truly have to be able to feel and whatever happens now, I intend to let myself feel ecstasy and pain, to be able to truly laugh and cry openly, the future is equally as exciting as it is terrifying and I just have to hope that I'm going to end up in a relationship with someone who can truly embrace that because when it comes down to it, I have the biggest heart filled with love and adventures just waiting to be captured, treasured, and cherished and I won't stop looking until I find it.