When do you decide when enough is enough? What is it that determines when we end our lives is it purely down to our mindset at the time or is it all predetermined? We can all see in advance what is happening with our lives and which direction we are going and if you can see that your life is just going to continue in the same way that it always has, do you take that as a sign that things are never going to change or do you believe that somewhere along the way life will take a new twist? In my case i can see my life opening out in front of me and it’s just more of the same but i can see elements of it that are going to make me struggle more! Do i take that as a Trigger Point letting me know it’s time to go or do i just carry on with the daily suffering and wait until it’s my natural time to go? It’s a tough decision to make but i think the way i’m seeing things it’s a sign that my fate is predetermined and i know that sometime soon i’m going to reach my trigger point, i don’t believe there will be any new twist in my life and that is the thing that makes me realise my time is nearly up! I must admit ever since i started doing this blog/journal i’ve really hated being morbid and negative but it’s just how i feel, i see this as my personal therapy session but so far i haven’t had anything therapeutic from it! As a depression sufferer i can’t be the person i would like to be, i have a very bubbly personality inside that i just can’t get out, my emotional negative side stops my inner mischievous side from showing itself and the longer it stays in there the less chance it has of ever coming back out, have i answered my own question when i asked “when do you decide when enough is enough?”, i think i might have and i’m convinced it’s all predetermined.
Just a thought
There was a huge Lottery jackpot to be won a few weeks ago and i remember my mother asking me if winning the lottery would make any difference to how i feel, i said that it would make me able to help people and animals and not worry about money but if i was given the choice between winning the lottery or euthanasia i would still take the euthanasia because no amount of money is going to make me better, retail therapy is a short lived ideology that has no real benefits except for that very short burst of excitement you might feel when buying something but that’s not therapy it’s very quick fix that might last until you get home, whereas if you have the means of euthanasia you have that choice to end it whenever you want which in turn might make you live a bit and do a few crazy things before you do the final deed, that to me is far more appealing that the lottery!
The woods, peace and tranquility