2022-01-02 23:19
Happy New Year, dear readers! I pray 2022 brings an end to the epidemic and a return to respect, kindness and caring for your fellow human. That's it. That's all I ask. Well, truthfully ther… Read More
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Depression Marathon Blog
depressionmarathon.blogspot.com
Female runner and health professional reveals her battle with severe and persistent depression including how it changed her identity, personality and life.
2021-12-29 03:29
I am amazed. Sixteen years ago today I began my recovery journey. I'm
celebrating 16 years of sobriety today. 16 years. Wow. I never envisioned this
day.I'm not sure anyone who knew me i… Read More
2021-12-26 23:24
Consider this my Christmas gift to all of you. I encountered this sign today while on a 6-mile hike on the Superior Hiking Trail near Duluth. It made me chuckle. Hope it does the same for yo… Read More
2021-12-26 02:45
Merry Christmas, friends. Despite my concerns last week, I actually had a nice couple of days. I hope you did, too. If you didn't, if you're feeling alone, I'm sorry. You're not alone. Hang… Read More
2021-12-19 23:58
They say it's just a number. (Who are they, anyway?) It's the day after my birthday, and according to my body it's more than just a number. I can't believe how old I am! Let me rephrase that… Read More
2021-12-14 01:34
I've been feeling a little low. I'm still taking a break from training. I'm running on my own but not training. Maybe that's why I'm a little low, but I don't think so. I'm enjoying just run… Read More
2021-12-05 15:48
I should be standing on a starting line in Sacramento, California, right now. Instead I'm sitting in the midst of the first significant winter storm of the year in Duluth, Minnesota. I don't… Read More
2021-11-28 22:09
After completing my last long run today, I came home and cancelled my flight to Sacramento. California International Marathon is next Sunday, but I won't be on the starting line. Even though… Read More
2021-11-24 17:43
With less than two weeks to go until marathon day, I'd been feeling a bit run down. That's normal. Unfortunately, last Thursday I treated a patient who shortly thereafter tested positive for… Read More
2021-11-21 19:54
Why not? I had just made it through a long, frustrating week. All week I had frustrations at home, at work, and especially during training. I had hoped my long run this morning would turn th… Read More
2021-11-13 18:36
Training for the Memphis Marathon is going very well, but unfortunately I discovered Memphis is sold out, even though their website says otherwise. No worries, I've changed my plans. I'll be… Read More
2021-11-06 23:03
Not days. Not years. Months. 18 months. It's been approximately 18 months since my last severe depression relapse. Why is that significant? It's significant because 18 months is the longest… Read More
2021-10-29 23:15
I ran into an old coworker a few days ago. One of the first things she asked me was, "Did you ever get to Everest?" I was thrilled to tell her yes, of course, and we chatted about it for a f… Read More
2021-10-24 01:58
The online coaching program worked so well for my build-up to Twin Cities Marathon, I decided to turn things up a notch. I hired a local running coach. Actually, coaches, although I've only… Read More
2021-10-16 14:33
I've been having a little pity party lately. Long story short, I'm tired of doing almost everything I do alone. I'm tired of hearing no from friends and family when I ask if they want to joi… Read More
2021-10-12 01:15
I guess I needed it, and I got it. I had a very lazy recovery week after I ran the Twin Cities Marathon last Sunday. I didn't have the option to work, since I have yet to receive my Wisconsi… Read More
2021-10-04 22:14
I did it.I started and finished the Twin Cities Marathon yesterday. I crossed a marathon finish line for the 29th time. I was thrilled and exhausted and sobbed tears of joy as I stepped acro… Read More
2021-09-29 22:28
It's almost time! The Twin Cities Marathon is less than 4 days away. I'm excited and anxious--but mostly excited. It appears I'm going to make it to the starting line on Sunday, and if that… Read More
2021-09-23 20:49
Fishing, visiting a bakery, time with friends--all were part of a very special, free day yesterday. I was supposed to work. I got cancelled. Not enough patients to require my on-call therapy… Read More
2021-09-20 21:38
As you may recall, I got a new job in late July, almost 8 weeks ago. I was scheduled to begin my new job almost 4 weeks ago at the end of August. My last day of work at my current position w… Read More
2021-09-11 13:50
Last week, as I circled the track running 2 miles at a pace I thought I couldn't maintain, I had a thought. I had the thought again as I jogged for 2 minutes, and yet again while I ran anoth… Read More
2021-09-06 23:11
I'm thrilled to report my body seems to be responding quite well to training again. This past week I had a very tough threshold run, at a pace faster than I thought I could achieve, and an 1… Read More
2021-08-30 20:40
The reasons I moved to Duluth were in abundance yesterday. I took to the North Shore of Lake Superior for my 15 mile long run. My friend, Chris, the first guest in my new home, rode his bike… Read More
2021-08-22 16:38
I'm sitting here enjoying my "trophy" from yesterday's half marathon. I raced in Wisconsin, so of course my trophy was cheese! Difficult to add to the trophy case, but quite delicious. Only… Read More
2021-08-19 16:26
I'm sitting on my butt today doing a whole lot of nothing. That's what my coach wants me to do, and who am I to argue? This sit-on-my-butt rest day has been prescribed because I have a half… Read More
2021-08-10 00:03
It was one of those days. If I weren't sober, a stiff drink would have been more than appropriate by the end of my work day. Hell, it may have been appropriate at lunch! It was one of those… Read More
2021-08-08 23:26
I've been happily reminded recently of why I moved up to Northern Minnesota. Yesterday Jet and I took a 5 mile hike on a rainy day. We were deep in the woods on the Superior Hiking Trail, th… Read More
2021-08-01 01:31
I've mentioned it here before. I'm not great at running just to run. That's not what I enjoy. I do best when I have a goal, and not a goal to lose weight or get in shape. I prefer my goal to… Read More
2021-07-27 13:00
I got a new job. What?? Didn't you just begin a job? Yes. I moved up here to Duluth to take a job I was offered out of the blue. I was humbled and honored to be remembered almost 3 years aft… Read More
2021-07-12 23:12
Turns out I am different. The worries about feeling different, it turns out, were well founded. After my class reunion Saturday night I drove home along the North Shore of Lake Superior… Read More
2021-07-10 02:33
Nine out of ten alcoholics agree. When we were young, from as early as we can remember, we felt different. Everybody around us was apparently given a manual, an instruction book, or direct i… Read More
2021-07-05 03:27
I love the 4th of July. I love fireworks and the bone-rattling booms which go along with them. My dog, however, is not a fan. Actually, he's terrified. In our previous home he had a kennel i… Read More
2021-06-29 22:07
A cool thing happened today. I phoned a former coworker. No reason, I was just thinking about her as I was driving between appointments. We hadn't seen or spoken to each other in many months… Read More
2021-06-20 14:58
My serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations. That's not a new thought. It's an axiom, frequently quoted in the recovery community, from page 431 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous… Read More
2021-06-16 03:41
I so badly want to be a runner again, and I'm trying, but my body is not cooperating as well as I would like. I'm sore. Everywhere. All the time. Soreness sucks, but I've been dealing w… Read More
2021-06-08 22:58
My boy is hurting. He's nearly blind now, a fact which has been made clear on every hike or run through the woods. Even on well-maintained trails he stumbles, steps off the side of narrow br… Read More
2021-06-06 22:12
Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately for you, my readers, I have little to write about today. I'm doing well. My mood has been holding steady. I've been very slowly organizing my house, tho… Read More
2021-05-30 22:06
Forgive my infrequent posting. I've been exploring my new area. There are many, many trails within a few blocks to a few miles of my front door. I grew up in this area, but the trail system… Read More
2021-05-24 02:10
Getting back to work made a difference. After 10 days of nothing but the business of moving and all of its seemingly obligatory messy emotions, it was nice to think of nothing but my patient… Read More
2021-05-17 15:12
As I laid awake into the wee hours of the morning, crying (again), I got a little pissed off. Things are not all gloom and doom, even though they are hard. I'm okay, even though I'm struggli… Read More
2021-05-16 15:17
It's my third day. I'm in my favorite chair but with a whole different view. I had hoped to write before now--God knows I needed to--but with moving it seems things rarely work out as planne… Read More
2021-05-04 19:13
I'm sitting in my cluttered house. There are boxes everywhere. There are empty shelves and empty walls. My suitcase is packed. Jet's looking at me nervously. I'm about to head to Duluth for… Read More
2021-04-28 15:30
Created in the Fall of 2004, displayed on my living room wall for at least 15
years, I couldn't have been more thrilled when this painting walked out my
front door. Recovery--by night&nb&hell…Read More
2021-04-23 00:36
Things are moving forward in my life. I finally received the appraisal on my house today. Unless something totally unexpected happens, the sale of my home will be official in just a few week… Read More
2021-04-18 02:53
As I mentioned in my last post, I began struggling with my mood last weekend. By Monday, I knew I needed to do something quickly. When you've been doing this as long as I have, you understan… Read More
2021-04-11 21:37
Shocking. My mood is slipping. I'm worried but trying not to panic. Perhaps it was inevitable. I've got a lot going on, of course. I'm living 3.5 days in a room in Duluth and 3.5 days a… Read More
2021-03-29 14:47
After two and a half days, 60 showings, and 15 submitted offers, I sold my
home. I am very fortunate. It was tough to choose a buyer from several
excellent offers, but in the end I sold… Read More
2021-03-27 01:02
Twenty eight. That's how many scheduled house showings I had one day prior to my house going on the market. My house has now been on the market less than 48 hours, and I believe there are a… Read More
2021-03-24 00:37
After several stressful days, and after beginning a search for apartments rather than a house, and after negotiating with a real estate agent who wasn't negotiating in good faith, I stood my… Read More
2021-03-21 00:34
Wow, I apologize for being away for so long. I don't like to have large gaps between my posts, but it's Saturday evening, and this is the first time in the last 8 days I've had time to sit d… Read More
2021-03-13 01:52
If it wasn't happening to me, I wouldn't believe it. From over-the-moon high to river bottom low went I. The house I purchased just over one week ago has been un-purchased; the result of an… Read More
2021-03-04 15:31
I bought a new house. I bought a new house. I bought a new house! Pending an inspection, I am the new owner of a house in the middle of Duluth, with a limited view of my favorite, big l… Read More
2021-02-28 19:59
At the commencement of Lent, the church I've been attending (via Zoom) began sending out daily devotionals. The following poem hit my inbox as I sat sipping my coffee on a Friday morning 9 d… Read More
2021-02-26 04:40
I looked at it via video feed from my realtor's cell phone. Without even walking through it in person I bid on the house. I lost. The real estate market is absolutely bonkers! After only two… Read More
2021-02-19 17:35
Just curious... Am I the only one who yells, "F#%# YOU," into her phone after hearing the first few words from the car warranty scammer robo-voice? And am I the only one who misses good old… Read More
2021-02-13 17:05
"Officials said that police were responding to a family disturbance and that the girl was suicidal and upset. They said officers detained the minor to assist her, and they were trying to get… Read More
2021-02-05 23:39
If you haven't heard of Drew Robinson, stay tuned. Mr. Robinson is a 27-year-old major league baseball player who decided to take his life on April 16, 2020. He put a gun to his head and pul… Read More
2021-02-03 01:42
My energy, and perhaps my mood, has taken a dive since my left knee surgery 11 days ago. Today was particularly bad. Other than attending my last PT appointment for my right hip labral recon… Read More
2021-01-28 23:05
Question: Have you made legal arrangements for passing on your possessions after you die? It's called estate planning, though if you're single and far from wealthy, like me, estate sounds a… Read More
2021-01-24 18:49
It was exactly one year ago today that I had my right hip labrum reconstructed. Ironic that I'm sitting here now two days post op left knee meniscus surgery. Geez, I hope I'm done with surgi… Read More
2021-01-20 01:57
I'm busy, busy, busy and going nowhere. It's weird. I'm getting ready to move to Duluth, yet I have no idea when I might be moving, so there's nothing concrete to do--yet. It's more of a con… Read More
2021-01-13 00:48
It seems I can't get away from the operating table. As I reported in mid-December, I tore my medial meniscus while simply walking down the stairs at work. Now I'm scheduled for left knee sur… Read More
2021-01-09 02:11
Like many of you, I'm sure, I stood in front of my television and watched with absolute shock and horror the events in our nation's capital on Wednesday. I generally stay away from politics… Read More
2021-01-02 16:09
I have depression.Seven years.Life interrupted.Intelligent, witty, athletic.witlessMasters degree #1 and #2.uselessCareer of helping others.helpless 'Till death do us part.spouse-less&n&hell…Read More
2020-12-28 12:00
I'm celebrating a birthday today. It's not my "belly button" birthday. That was 10 days ago. Today I'm celebrating a different kind of birthday. Fifteen years ago today I began my new life… Read More
2020-12-27 19:22
Resilience, perseverance, toughness... those are three words I've been proud to have associated with my character. Surviving 20 years of severe and persistent depression, never mind the abus… Read More
2020-12-22 19:09
Once in awhile I get smacked upside the head with the crystal clear knowledge that I really have nothing to do with what happens in life. Sometimes when I least expect, when I'm settled and… Read More
2020-12-19 04:16
It's my birthday. My brother reminded me that I'm a nice, prime number now; 53. My brother likes numbers. His birthday is March 14th (3.14), so I guess he was destined to be a numbers guy. I… Read More
2020-12-13 16:52
I'm feeling snake bitten. In the midst of learning a new position, the ins, the outs, and the reams of paperwork, my body seems to be revolting. My brain is full of new knowledge, but my bod… Read More
2020-12-10 23:41
Jet and I just returned from a run in the woods. It was glorious! It was 50+ degrees here today with bright sunshine, pretty unusual for December 10th in Minnesota. We explored a new state p… Read More
2020-12-05 19:18
I believe it was mid-August when I wrote an excited post about how I was beginning to feel like a runner again after 7 months of rehab from hip surgery. And I believe it was late August when… Read More
2020-11-28 17:08
I just changed the number in my blog profile for the 13th time. When I began this blog in January, 2008, I had been battling depression for just over 7 years. That was a long time ago. I've… Read More
2020-11-22 20:30
God, please help me to be humble, and grateful, and brave.Amen Read More
2020-11-22 01:30
Have you seen it? If you have, and you actually have depression, the illness, are you as annoyed as I am? I'm talking about the current Trintellix television advertising campaign. Really, Tr… Read More
2020-11-13 22:37
My first week is in the books. I began my new job as a home health physical therapist on Monday. I always get a little anxious learning a new role, but this week went well. I spent most of m… Read More
2020-11-08 23:46
I worked my last day for my now-former company on Friday. It was a bittersweet day. I'm looking forward to the opportunities I have in front of me, but I'm sad to be leaving my current facil… Read More
2020-11-03 23:21
It's a box. I found it in another box, a box my brother unknowingly had stored in his house for the last 20 years. In that box, besides this little box, there were my missing high school yea… Read More
2020-10-29 20:19
I've got some great news to share. After a brief search I've been offered two new jobs, and I took both of them! My current position has been creating more stress than satisfaction for sever… Read More
2020-10-23 15:18
"We are thrilled, because this is a game-changer," exclaimed Robert Gebbia, CEO of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, after the bi-partisan bill creating a 988 hotline for menta… Read More
2020-10-20 01:09
What follows is an actual letter, sent to two actual, prospective employers. There were three actual, potential employers. It became necessary to send this letter to the remaining two.I&rsqu&hell…Read More
2020-10-15 02:32
I'm feeling a bit better. My mood has lifted slightly, which is a relief. Nevertheless my doc and I decided to add an extra ketamine infusion to my maintenance schedule. My last two inf… Read More
2020-10-09 14:47
It's been a tough few weeks around here. I've got a lot going on, apparently more than I can handle. New injuries, aches, and pains limiting my mobility, recovery, and pursuit of goals. Job… Read More
2020-10-03 14:31
I've been composing this post for exactly one week but haven't been able to sit down and write. That should speak to exactly where I'm at. It's not that I haven't been able to sit. Unfortuna… Read More
2020-09-26 14:42
Remember
that commercial? The one that depicts your brain as a nice, white egg, and in
the next frame declares a fried egg to be an image of your brain on drugs?
Remember that one? Well, tha… Read More
2020-09-21 01:44
I haven't regained my license to run yet. My physical therapist thinks caution is the best policy, so we're going to give my hip a bit more time. No worries. I've been putting my fresh new E… Read More
2020-09-14 23:59
The big news this week? Some people are still clueless. In this pandemic time, when mental health and mental illness have suddenly hit the radar of everyday folks, in this time when multiple… Read More
2020-09-07 23:55
It's a holiday. I've got no plans. It's cool, damp and gray outside. I've sent 4 separate friends a message asking to meet for coffee. Only 2 friends bothered to respond. They're not availab… Read More
2020-09-05 02:47
It's been an unsettling week. I'm feeling a little stressed, irritable and out of sorts. My mood has definitely taken a hit. The simplest reason? My license to run was revoked. I did miss ru… Read More
2020-08-31 00:56
It's bad news. My license to run has been revoked. My right hip apparently wasn't ready after all. Last week after one of my walk/runs, I developed soreness in my surgically repaired right h… Read More
2020-08-26 01:15
I've been away. I needed to get away. I went back to Duluth to breathe in the serenity of Lake Superior, help my friends with some tasks, and visit my family. I brought my new ElliptiGo and… Read More
2020-08-17 02:04
It's been 8 long months since I last felt it. That feeling. That feeling I only get when I'm running. It's not the feeling of returning-from-an-injury-running. It's not the feeling of puttin… Read More
2020-08-15 02:09
Ever have one of those weeks? One of those weeks where there seems to be a disaster, or near disaster, every single day. Welcome to my week. First there was my brand new EllliptiGo, ordered… Read More
2020-08-09 23:17
It's been a few weeks since I was given the green, well, maybe yellow, light to begin running. In between long rides, hill repeats, and intervals on my ElliptiGo, I've been running, gently r… Read More
2020-08-03 15:19
I don't know about you, but practicing patience is something at which I must, well, continually practice. I'm practicing like crazy right at this moment. You see, I paid for a new stove and… Read More
2020-07-29 02:15
In honor of all of the delayed graduation parties currently taking place in this area, here's my graduate advice, for which absolutely nobody asked, but that's okay. Here it is anyway.
Fea… Read More
2020-07-25 21:21
Sometimes I need my friends simply to say, "Yes, you're okay," or "Yes, I would feel that way, too." I guess that's one of the reasons I wrote my last post. I not only needed to know ho… Read More
2020-07-20 14:49
How do you deal with old hurt? I'm talking about deep, decades old, long forgotten, recently dredged up hurt. I mean base, visceral, relational hurt. Hurt you need nor want to do anything to… Read More
2020-07-14 20:52
In one of the most intense moments of gratitude I've ever experienced, I hopped off the treadmill and gave my physical therapist an "air" fist bump. I ran today. I ran.
I wasn't expecting t… Read More
2020-07-08 23:46
Without a moment to spare, I will be receiving my next ketamine infusion tomorrow. I'm glad, as my mood took a dip late last week. I battled back by going for a walk with a friend, talking t… Read More
2020-06-30 23:07
I'm feeling hurt. I rarely feel hurt these days, but when I do it's almost always due to the action (or inaction) of the same culprit, my family. Ugh...why do families have to be so emotion… Read More
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