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I'm Getting Up When I'm Down

If you have read my other blogs I think you may be getting to know me a bit. So what have I been up to?!!!?? I did not do the 2 peaks that I wrote about in my last blog and that's because I'm not myself. I'm suffering from Depression (can't believe I'm telling you). The reason for me telling you is because I know that this may help someone. I just could not face the thought of getting up and going for a long walk this would mean an entire day without my family and at the moment I need then now more than ever. My anxiety leaves me feel scared to leave them what if something happens to my kids!!! What if something happens to me and I was no longer able to care for them!! They need me I need them; I could not pull myself together to go on the peaks walk. I had a fantastic excuse the weather was potentially going to be bad that was the last thing I needed 12 hour walk in the rain. When my depression eases I manage to get myself out for a run. It works well for me I go out feeling rubbish and come back feeling revived. I don’t want you in any way to think I’m saying this is easy or that I’m dismissing the severity of mental health because I’m so not. This does not make me better although after my first run I thought I was cured until my endorphin levels had dropped and I was back to me Great!!!!
When my Triathlon friends asked me to do a 20 mile Bike ride I thought about it and decided I going to do it!! The medication ,therapy ,and slimming world are all helping with my get up and go power so I thought GET UP SIOBHAN WHEN YOUR DOWN this is my new motto. What works of one does not work for others but helps to know how others deal, cope, manage. So got my lovely ancient Bike from outside oiled it, the seat was wet so I put a bright green cloth on it and a plastic bag on it can you image what it looked like. This was 20 miles and 1000ft climbing and they called this Fun ride. The FUN RIDE no way I think Work Your Butt Off Ride. So there were three of us doing this cycle and I was glad we were a team. Set off full of beans as I always do then was not long before we hit our first hill my team mates just when up no problem but it was so hard for me I had the stamina but not the equipment. So what goes up must come down yes I loved the downhills. One of my team mates hates going downhill so has her brakes on this was great because I could catch them up yaa. We were about 9 miles in and there was this hill or maybe I should say mountain we had to claim half way up was traffic lights and of course they had to turn red. So how can I get this old bike up the rest of this hill (mountain) I was so determined. There was a few drive to the sides so I went down then to try get my bike going to push it up but it was just was not happening even though in first gear felt like 5th. I was defeated. After that hill I just felt myself go for it, it started raining not heavy but enough to get wet. To be honest the cycle was hard so I'm glad the weather was not warm as that would have just been too much. We started to pass others who had set off before us imagine how good that felt. I just felt so good and was happy to start thinking about the end. We did not have long left the end was in sign but these hills was still not letting up. Yaaa hay I made it ya I finished so pleased and can't believe the high I got.
How did this help me with my depression (why do I feel I should whisper that) for anyone who has or is suffering I'm so sorry. I know though that you will relate when you have YOU TIME  I.E kids in bed ,having a bath , all you do is think about all the wrongs in your life how hard done by you are and the fact that your no good at anything despite doing your best. So your time is really time for your depression to take control and keep life looking dark and gloomy. So now I've taken you thought my bike ride there was no time for it to creep in no time to think about it. You are achieving, and depression doesn’t let you achieve because there is no hope or light at the end of the tunnel. With sport there is and end there is a really senses of achievement not time to think about your problems. Can I please recommend anyone suffering with this awful illness take up sport any sport or take up a few!!!! Don't forget We Can All Tri!!! So if you fancy become a Triathlete then do if I can do it you can to.

Don't get me wrong my depression has not gone but I know how to have a short broke from it and that in its self is a breath of fresh air.


This post first appeared on Triathlons, please read the originial post: here

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