By Tonya King
Have you ever done something in the throes of your illness, that when you were well again, you thought “oh my, this is really bad”? I have.
I have made decisions while psychotic or manic that, when the dust settled I could not believe I did that…like buy a house my Husband didn’t know about! Bet you never did that!!
I have done things that I felt I could never be forgiven for, not by my husband, my family, but most of all not by God. I’m sure I am not alone in this.
Last summer I was suffering from the seasonal mania and I had opened a few credit cards and went on a sending spree that ended up in thousands of dollars of debt that, once again, my husband did not know about.
When I had come down from this mania, I had to tell my husband what I had done and ask, yet again, for forgiveness. I was sure this was going to be the last straw, but my husband, in Jesus like Love, forgave me. I am still trying to pay off that debt.
I was in my prayer room pouring my heart out to God wondering why this kept happening. Why could I not get a grip on these manias that caused so much havoc in my life and could God forgive me for being so deceitful and lying to the ones I loved so much? I felt shame and disgust at myself, but God led me to Zephaniah 3:17 which says…
“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you but will rejoice over you with singing.”
This verse spoke volumes to my hurting heart. God is a mighty warrior who saves. Did you catch that? A MIGHTY warrior. There is nothing that I can do that is to big for Him to forgive including mania induced spending sprees and worse.
The verse also says that God delights in me and in his love, He will not rebuke me. Good thing because I do enough self-rebuking for both of us.
But the part of this verse that really spoke to my heart was the fact that God will rejoice over me with singing. Wow!! The creator of the universe, the one true God is rejoicing over me with singing. Who else would do that?
Did you know that the Lord sings, shouts for joy and dances over you because He loves you so much? Take time to think about that. Allow this understanding to sink deep into your soul.
There is not one thing you can do that God cannot forgive, not one thing! His love for us is so deep that it manifests in singing and joy over us by our God. I don’t know about you, but this brings such fresh freedom and love for God into my soul I can hardly contain it.
This reality spills over into my devotional life, my life with my family and deep into my illness. It reminds me that I am not expected to be perfect and that, although there are consequences to my actions, I am forgiven and deeply loved.
We may not be able to control our actions while we are not in control of ourselves. The aftermath can be difficult and embarrassing, but we must remember this verse. As we try to undo the things we have done and the messes we have made, God is still in control.
He loves us and will always be there to forgive and restore. We must not be to hard on ourselves. Shame and guilt keep us trapped in self-unforgiveness. But God forgives and even rejoices over us with singing! Amazing.
Tonya King is a writer, speaker, and mental health coach. She is the founder of Faith in the Midst Ministries which is a ministry devoted to healing and wholeness of mental illnesses through faith in Jesus Christ
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