Most of us have experienced Shyness at one point or another. You become tongue-tied, feel your face redden, and look about for an urgent escape route. If shyness is stopping your love life in its tracks, take a look at these simple top ten tips.
Building self-esteem is a two-stage process. First, it’s important to build a positive self-image. It’ll be difficult to convince someone you’re worth their time if you don’t believe it yourself. List personal qualities you’re proud of, and things you’d like to improve. Understand that embarrassment is a reaction you can, with practice, learn to control.
Secondly, think about the last time you felt shy. Imagine the occasion from the perspective of others who were there. Embarrassment usually happens when people overestimate their effect on others. Confidence requires a balance, so think less about how you appear to others and more about how others appear to you.
If you’re prone to shyness, it can be difficult talking to new people. You can overcome this difficulty by joining a hobby or interest group. Sign up for a local volunteering project, or begin a new exercise class. This will expose you to many new faces and help you get out of your shell.
Internet dating is a useful tool. Many people use online dating agencies to find someone with similar interests. Ones such as the eHarmony professional dating site cater for those who struggle to find free time away from the office. If you use these kinds of dating websites, you’ll know your matches are compatible with you, available and interested in meeting you.
Personality and preferences are vital in the success of any relationship, but image plays a part too. If you take pride in your appearance, you’ll have more confidence when you interact with potential partners.
Many people find male vanity off-putting, but a little grooming can go a long way. A shower, shave and well-fitting clothes can give you a smart appearance that will boost your confidence and your love life.
If you like the look of someone, making eye contact with them is your way to let them know. After sustained eye contact, you might go over and introduce yourself, but first pay close attention to their reaction. If they avoid eye contact and they don’t Smile, they may not be open to your advances.
The easiest way to break social tension is by a genuine, confident smile. Humans are social animals by nature, and smiles are usually contagious. An unashamed smile will make you appear relaxed, open and approachable.
Breaking the ice
When you’re ready, approach them and strike up a conversation. For many men, this is the most daunting part of the process. Fear of saying the wrong thing, or of not being able to say anything, might make it tempting not to try at all.
Leave cliched chat-up lines to the would-be Casanovas. A simple ‘hi’ is a better starting point, followed by a question. Use your surroundings as inspiration for Talking Points. Introduce yourself and ask for their name. It may seem simple advice, but all too often nerves can make you overlook the basics. Relax and, instead of worrying about the social dynamic, listen to what they have to say.
Dealing with Rejection
Even the most eligible bachelors face rejection sometimes. If there isn’t mutual interest, move on. They may not be single or open to seeing someone new. You’re not attracted to everyone you meet, and not everyone you meet will be attracted to you. Instead of treating rejection as a defeat, acknowledge that they weren’t the right person, in the right place, at the right time, for you. Rather than a set-back, this brings you one step closer to finding your match.
When you do manage to build a rapport, relax and enjoy yourself. It might be tempting to worry about a relapse into shyness, but this is self-fulfilling. Be patient and avoid rushing when trying to get a phone number or arrange a date. A relaxed attitude will smooth over any anxieties you may have.
Once the first date is secured, make it one to remember. Don’t shy away from something a little out of the ordinary. Ice skating, exhibitions and aquariums will mean you’ll never be short of talking points. Perhaps they mentioned an interest or hobby you could incorporate into the date for a personal touch.
If you decide to go to the theatre, a concert or the cinema, try to combine it with drinks or dinner. This means you’ll have the opportunity to talk. Conversation is a big part of the first date, as you can both get a clearer picture of whether or not you’re well suited to each other.
Be less serious
Nearly all cases of shyness are rooted in an anxiety of some kind. You might be worried about how your actions will be interpreted by others, or about how people will judge your appearance. To make the most of your love life, it’s important to maintain perspective.
Being turned down when asking someone out on a date can be a bit of a blow to the ego, but it’s hardly the end of the world. By acknowledging that your shyness is controllable, you can focus instead on the people around you. Dating should be fun, and with practice you’ll be able to put your worries to one side and be proactive in your search for the perfect partner.
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