That rock. That river.

I had journaled hundreds of pages on that Rock and had meditated more hours than I could count by that river.

Meditation was introduced to me in a simple way. Just Sit. Breathe. 20-minutes. It was my first conscious practice of self-regulation – taking myself from feeling scattered, worried, overwhelmed, and suffering… to a place where I was… Okay. Regulated. In my body. All systems online and operating together.

This time on the rock by the river was to be different. This time, for the first time, I would be meditating back-to-back with a friend.

It was awkward at first. We’d both meditated individually but not back-to-back. Her breathing affected mine; mine affected hers. Every shift one of us made on the rock had to be met by the other person.

Questions arose… like “how much do we lean on each other?” The question was answered wordlessly as, over the following minutes, we mutually discovered that giving more weight made it easier. We felt more solid with a shared center of gravity.

As we dropped in deeper, it felt to me like Nature became more a partner in this meditation than I’d previously felt. The rock and river had helped ground me before. Now the rock supported an… Us… the river flowed with an… Us. The birds sang and we were a part of that song. There was Magic happening in the We-Space we were co-creating… a Togetherness that extended out and included far more than just two humans sitting back to back.

Co-regulation connects us together. Indeed, the feeling of Togetherness comes alive when we’re co-regulating. It’s nourishing magic for the soul. 

What is co-regulation then?

Co-regulation is when our heart fields, our thought fields, and our nervous systems interact in ways that attune us to each other.

The most common example is an upset baby. Infants have not yet learned how to self-regulate (heck, some 50-year-olds haven’t either!).

Imagine you’re in a room and a baby is crying. Their Mom picks them up and rocks, coo’s, looks them in the eye, offers skin contact, maybe a little milk… and a heart-full Presence. All of baby’s systems pick up on this and attune to Mom, and hopefully they co-regulate.

If you’ve ever witnessed this, you might also have felt a real sense of relief and calm come to your body, too. Most people think that was because the baby’s cry was distressing and, WHEW!, now baby stopped crying. There’s more to it…

When we’re around healthy co-regulation, there’s an invitation to join with the vibe. For example, happy dogs playing in a co-regulated way invite us to enter into those joyful vibes. Same with parents laughing with their kids. Same with two long-time friends deeply listening to one another.

What are some ways we can co-regulate? There are many! Here are six:

• Sharing a long, hearty hug with a person, a tree, or a furry friend (17 seconds or more)
  
  
• Breathing and grounding together
  
  
• Listening to a person who is grounded and present and allowing yourself to regulate with their tone. (You could do that now, as you listen to me. You could call a friend and ask if they’d like to share some grounding together. There are also many guided meditations and instrumental music offerings to explore.)
  
  
• Share weight with someone with a stated intention to co-regulate together. This can be back to back, resting shoulder to shoulder, or curled up in any comfortable position.
  
  
• Singing, dancing, or chanting with a desire to be in the experience Together. (In-person is wonderful; you can practice this with recorded offerings, too – I certainly do!)
  
  
• Holding hands and sharing a Heart’s Desire…

Let’s do that right now, if you’re willing! We’ll imagine it so you can see what that’s like. It’ll only take 3 minutes.