An Emotional or overly sensitive person is an individual who is unable to take criticism, insults, and unpleasant information without getting too emotional and riled up about it.
A person who doesn’t have thick skin can be very sensitive and over-reactive. You’ll often find them yelling, crying, or being defensive whenever they feel they are being threatened by something.
But a person with thick skin knows how to stay calm under pressure. When they feel threatened, they know how to remain centered, and don’t crumble or break apart emotionally when something doesn’t go the way they want.
I believe having “thick skin” is an important part of emotional intelligence. It’s about learning to manage your speech and actions, even when you feel the most negative and painful of emotions.
Allow people to be critical of you
We are all humans. And as humans, we are all fallible. But we also hate being judged and criticized. In fact, we can’t stand the notion of others being critical of us. It sends us off into raging tangents and we become emotional wrecks. So why is it that we allow this to bother us so much. How come others people's opinions of us matter to such a great degree? Why are we so offended by it and why do we allow it to make us so emotional? It’s never easy being the butt of other people’s criticism. But if you don’t let it go, you’ll never be at ease with yourself.
Instead, allow people to be critical of you. Allow that criticism to come in like waves from an ocean striking the shore. But then watch as those waves move back and dissipate. It’s only the ego that’s harmed here. Nothing more. Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you. There’s a reason why this was said as children. Yet, as adults, we do allow words to hurt us. In fact, in some cases, those words can lead to major violence. Don’t let it escalate to that. Let it wash over you instead and simply move on.
Understand that not everything is personal
It’s hard not to take things personally. When someone cuts me off on the highway, there’s this voice in the back of my head that tells me this person did this to me knowingly and on purpose. All sorts of thoughts pervade my mind as a result. Obviously, it’s infuriating. But what if this person is just having a bad day or not paying attention. What if it is not personal. How can we learn to take things with a grain of salt and not let it affect us so deeply that it ruins our day entirely? That’s the difficult part. But you can’t take everything personally.
If you take everything personally, there is no way that you’re going to stay sane. Your emotions will definitely get the best of you. Instead, allow it to slide to the wayside. Don’t let it unhinge you. Do not allow it to set you off onto a tangent or to get so angry at someone that it destroys your own integrity or sense of self. When you learn to not take things personally, you’ll also lead a much happier and carefree life. But that involves letting go. It involves not worrying so much about the external forces of the world and focusing on your internal sanctity.
Breathe and let go
Sometimes you just have to breathe and let things go. Give it to God or Allah or the spiritual oneness that binds us all. Take up meditation or yoga or other breathing techniques and make it habitual. Block out the pain and the anguish and just breathe in the universe. Realize that you’re not here for a very long time. And learn to let things go. Don’t hold onto grudges or allow things to get you so emotionally worked up. It won’t help you and it certainly won’t serve you into the future.
Try the 4-7-8 breathing exercise, also known as the relaxing breath. That involves releasing all the air in your lungs first. You exhale out all the air that you’re holding in before you can begin. Then, count to 4 and close your mouth while you breathe in only through your nose. This is important. It must be only through your nose for a count of 4. Then, you hold that breath in for a count of 7. Afterwards, you release it slowly while you count to 8. Then, you simply rinse and you repeat over and over again.
Reframe Your ThoughtsYour emotions affect the way you perceive events. If you're feeling anxious and you get an email from the boss that says she wants to see you right away, you might assume you're going to get fired. If however, you're feeling happy when you get that same email, your first thought might be that you're going to be promoted or congratulated on a job well done.
Consider the emotional filter you're looking at the world through. Then, reframe your thoughts to develop a more realistic view.
If you catch yourself thinking, "This networking event is going to be a complete waste of time. No one is going to talk to me and I'm going to look like an idiot," remind yourself, "It's up to me to get something out of the event. I'll introduce myself to new people and show interest in learning about them."
Sometimes, the easiest way to gain a different perspective is to take a step back and ask yourself, "What would I say to a friend who had this problem?" Answering that question will take some of the emotion out of the equation so you can think more rationally.
If you find yourself dwelling on negative things, you may need to change the channel in your brain. A quick physical activity, like going for a walk or cleaning off your desk, can help you stop ruminating.
Engage in a Mood Booster
When you're in a bad mood, you're likely to engage in activities that keep you in that state of mind. Isolating yourself, mindlessly scrolling through your phone, or complaining to people around you are just a few of the typical "go-to bad mood behaviors" you might indulge in.
But, those things will keep you stuck. You have to take positive action if you want to feel better.
Think of the things you do when you feel happy. Do those things when you're in a bad mood and you'll start to feel better.
Think of the things you do when you feel happy. Do those things when you're in a bad mood and you'll start to feel better.
Here are a few examples of mood boosters:
Call a friend to talk about something pleasant (not to continue complaining).
Go for a walk.
Meditate for a few minutes.
Listen to uplifting music.
Do not respond immediately
If you want to stop being so emotional and keep those emotions in check, you can’t respond immediately. Look, I know how I am as an emotional being. I am hypersensitive to external stimuli and I easily get offended. For those reasons, I know that if I respond to an unpleasant situation right away, that I’m going to say or do something that I’m going to later regret. So I step away. I place time and distance between the event and myself. If I respond immediately, I know it’s going to be a heated exchange.
I might say or do something that I later regret. That is how things get destroyed. It’s an easy way to burn relationships to the ground. So if you are an emotional person, and you want to stop being controlled by your emotions, just don’t respond. It’s plain and simple as that. You might find it difficult at first. But, when you consciously remind yourself that you need some time, you’ll wait. Whether that means hours for you or days, you just have to wait it out until you’re calm, cool and collected. Then, and only then, should you respond
Turning down” your sensitivity
When you are too sensitive, it often means you are focusing too much on information that shouldn’t really matter to you. Sometimes it’s better to “turn down” your sensitivity a little.
Someone may say to you, “are not good at doing certain things or misjudged you wrongly” and you can’t stop thinking about it because it bothers you so much. Maybe you want to yell at them, or punch them, or tell them how wrong or imperfect they were too.
But this is all too sensitive and over-reactive, and there is nothing positive you can really do with what they say but let go of it and move on. Who cares what that one person thinks?
Too much sensitivity can stop you from following your goals and passions in life – because you are too concerned with how other people think of you, and you’re not comfortable just being yourself despite the negative judgments.
If you look at most successful people in life, they will often have a layer of thick skin that desensitizes them from this type of unhelpful criticism and hate.
In fact, the more successful you are, often the more criticism you have to tolerate on a daily basis – which means the thicker your skin is going to have to be.
Sometimes, living your life means ignoring what people think and just “not giving a fuck.” There’s times to be empathic and sensitive, but there’s also times to just let go and not care so much.
