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Room for Interpretation — 21 Funny Tech Definitions That Are Certifiably Hilarious

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Computer: “An electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities.” (Warwick Annear)

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workaholic /wəːkəˈhɒlɪk/ n. 1. a person who compulsively works excessively hard and long hours. 2. a person who is addicted to workahol.



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project manager /ˈprɒdʒɛkt ˈmanɪdʒə/ n. 1. the person in overall charge of the planning and execution of a particular project. 2. an organizational leader dedicated to the imposition of the order upon chaos, even if chaos is perfectly happy with the status quo.



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logic /ˈlɒdʒɪk/ n. 1. reasoning conducted or assessed according to strict principles of validity. 2. the art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding (Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary.).



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engineer /ɛndʒɪˈnɪə/ n. 1. a person who designs, builds, or maintains engines, machines, or structures. 2. a person that solves problems you did not know you had, using methods you do not understand.



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search engine /ˈsəːtʃ ˈɛndʒɪn/ n. 1. a program that searches for and identifies items in a database that correspond to keywords or characters specified by the user, used especially for finding particular sites on the World Wide Web. 2. a program that enables computer users to locate information and advertisers to locate computer users.



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management consultant /ˈmanɪdʒm(ə)nt kənˈsʌlt(ə)nt/ n. 1. a person or company that gives professional advice about how to run a company or organization more effectively. 2. someone who tells you how to improve doing something that s/he can’t do at all.



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IT director /ˈʌɪˈtiː dɪˈrɛktə/ n. 1. a person who oversees the IT strategy for an organization, developing and implementing the policies and goals for the IT department. 2. a person who solves problems you can’t.



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multitasking /ˌmʌl.tiˈtɑːs.kɪŋ/ n. 1. the ability of a computer to operate several programs at one time. 2. a person’s ability to ruin up several things at once.



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auditor /ˈɔːdɪtə/ n. 1. a person who conducts an audit. 2. someone who arrives after the battle and bayonet all the wounded.



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office /ˈɒfɪs/ n. 1. a room, set of rooms, or building used as a place for commercial, professional, or bureaucratic work. 2. a place to relax after a strenuous night at home.



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freelance /ˈfriːlɑːns/ v. intr. 1. earn one’s living by doing pieces of work for different organizations, rather than working all the time for a single organization. 2. collect one’s unemployment.



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creative /kriːˈeɪtɪv/ adj. 1. relating to or involving the use of the imagination or original ideas to create something. 2. copying smarter (Lisa Barone).



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coffee /ˈkɒfi/ n. 1. a hot drink made from the roasted and ground seeds (coffee beans) of a tropical shrub. 2. a magical dark substance that turns “leave me alone or die” into “good morning, honey!”


 
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