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How to: Become morbidly obese


Obesity is one of humanity's greatest achievements and is often noted for the beauty and grace of people fortunate enough to be so and they frequently demand that you perceive them as such. Have you ever wanted to go from A-cup to Ž-cup? Well, if you follow this simple guide you can do just that!

Let's get started.

Dieting

In order to become Morbidly Obese, you must first go on a very specific dietary schedule. All your meals must include;

McDonalds
Burger King
Stuff that will piss off the green peace and PETA
Curry
Ice cream
Milkshakes are a plus.
Kebabs
All you can eat diners
Etc

Start and finish your day with one of these babies.

These are the best places to eat for your obesity goal.

Workout schedule

Dieting is only part of the battle to gain weight beyond your wildest dreams. The second is exercise. This exercise should be no more exciting than the occasional movement of your thumb to switch TV channels and going to the fridge.

Another way to complete the required exercise routine is to not do anything. This is the easiest and most popular method. It's also the fastest way.
Knowing When You Have Achieved Your Goal
Looks something like this.

You will have finally become Morbidly obese once you reach 600 lbs. 600lbs is the lowest possible weight for morbid obesity and most people choose to achieve such weights as 800 or even 1000 lbs. For the most part, it does not matter what weight goal you shoot for, and as long as you achieve that all important reaction of "Holy shit! That thing is huge! Is that even a person!? Should we call green peace?” Then you are set and fit.

Becoming Known for Your Obesity

There are several methods of becoming known for being morbidly obese. One of the most popular is to have Dr. Phil yell at you about your overwhelming blubber problem. Another method is to not take over 3 hours for a shower and just let the grime and filth accumulate in all those newly formed wrinkles and crevices. One of the least used but most effective methods is to become so fat that you require a new clothing size to be made just for you, and name it something ridiculous with lots of letters like X⁴L⁴. Just try lots of x's in the name until you come up with one that sounds good. Another alternative is writing a blog and bitch about how everyone else is guilty about everything.

Now What?

At this stage you have two options. One, you can become even more famous by losing all the weight that you forced yourself to gain, in a fat to thin type Hollywood story. Or two, you can get even fatter, eventually trying to break the World Record before you die from being so fat. But ofcourse we know that being fat doesn't bring any medical issues. Alternative; blog.

Another way to be known for your obesity is to have an unbelievably huge ass in poportion to the rest of your still obese body. For example, if your ass takes up the same amount of land as the Grand Canyon, it will give you the fame and credibility you deserve for your hard work in obesifying yourself and becoming a true fat ass.
Results
You are by now fat and famous and achieved your life goals. Good job and congratulations.

This article was made for a “fan” who asked me how to become morbidly obese.

If you have any questions don't be shy and ask me

Subscribe!

Ziga.


This post first appeared on An Idiot's Guide To Life, please read the originial post: here

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How to: Become morbidly obese

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