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Trump Book Reports

It started innocently enough with a single tweet. A St. Louis mayoral candidate tweeted that Donald Trump was so unprepared for the debate that he sounded like a Book report written by someone who hadn’t read the book.

Antonio French

And then suddenly, the hashtag #TrumpBookReport was trending on Twitter. A few examples:

“Juliet. Such a Nasty Woman. She made Romeo kill himself. And believe me he could have done better. Look at her.”

There was much ado, believe me. So much ado. Many people are saying how much ado there was. And about what? Nothing!

Hamlet was weak, so weak. He couldn’t make up his mind. I can, believe me. I’ve made up my mind very much better than him.

Lady Macbeth. Nasty Woman. Blood coming out of her wherever.

No, I don’t think Sophie should have had a choice. Nasty woman.

Those poor heights. They were wuthering. Wuthering so bad. Bigly wuthering. I’ll make them great again.

Nowhere does it say that anything actually happened between Lolita and Humbert, it was just boy talk.

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins, in 10 years I’ll be dating you.

“I tell you: if I had written this book, there’d’ve been way more than two cities. I’d’ve had four, five cities at least.”

The bridges, nobody builds a bridge like me. I’ll build one and make Madison County pay for it

Mein Kampf. Tough on immigration. Tough on bankers. Tough on enemies. Make Germany Great Again. Great leader. My hero!

“Last. He was last. So sad. He was last, Okay? A disaster. If I was a Mohican I would have come in first. Believe me.”

Red Badge of Courage, I always wanted one of those. I’ll just take one from a veteran, it’s much easier.

NOBODY, I mean NOBODY, has more pride than me. And NOBODY has more prejudice. I have so much pride. And so much prejudice.

Look, I don’t know Voldemort. He said nice things about me. If we got along with the Death Eaters, wouldn’t be so bad.

Les Miserables, of course they are miserable, the inner city is a mess folks, believe me. People stealing bread everywhere.

“Pinocchio? He’s no puppet. No puppet. You’re the puppet.”

Daisy was a 6, okay? Just a very nasty woman. Gatsby is a good friend of mine. Sad!

It was the worst of times and the worst of times, OK? The worst. A disaster.

“When District 12 sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending Katniss Everdeen. What a nasty woman.”

This Dorian Gray guy. Nice guy, terrible portrait. Not like mine. Mine is bigly. Yuge.

Dracula — tremendous guy. Wanted a woman. Bit a woman. Didn’t have to “ask for permission.” What man does that?

“This New Testament is for losers. Jesus was crucified. I like saviors who weren’t crucified, okay? Like myself.”

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