This is not my personal story for it belongs to Christ alone as the Great Author and perfecter of my faith. Every chapter, every paragraph, every sentence, from before the foundation of the world, was penned by the magnificent and glorious Sovereign God. He has written the most beautiful chronicle, exhaustive and without rival. This is His story. May He be glorified in every word, yea every letter, His praises magnified and radiated all over the earth.
The Son is Pleased to fashion a beautiful vessel out of broken shards. He is delighted to bring life, light, and purpose to a dead, dark, and empty soul. His joy is in bringing to fruition all the Father’s will. He has purposed me to bring honor and glory to His name. May it be so.
Those of you who know me personally or have previously read my writings know some of the struggles and Trials that God, in His providence, has pleased to bring me to. I look back now with such gratitude in my heart for His Tender Mercies, for protecting me from greater harm and for bringing the fire that has burned away the dross in legion. There is nothing in me apart from Christ’s righteousness that could have merited His love and favor. That I have His love at all drives me to my knees in thanksgiving and praise.
You see, while I was raised in a home with parents who loved God and brought me to church, sin and rebellion gripped my heart with such fierceness. I was a white-washed tomb, outwardly compliant, but wallowing in the concerns of the world. Apathetic to the things of God, I contented myself to live in the chasms of hypocrisy. To everyone who knew me, I was a quiet Christian girl, but inwardly I desired to live as I pleased. Selfishness was the blackness inside me. I desired the praise of the world, not the Father. Yet despite my wandering, God was pleased, not to prick my conscience, but to set it aflame. Every mire I found myself stuck in, He saw fit to free me, but not without chastisement. Grace, freely given, was given in tandem with direction and discipline. His tender mercies are sometimes painful, a reminder of our great need for the Savior.
One of the hardest journeys our Sovereign Lord placed before me was one that began in the summer of 1993, when I was 14-years-old. He providentially used a car accident to set in motion a long series of events that worked to my acknowledgement of His sovereignty, of my grievous sin nature, and of my need for and dependence on Him. It laid the foundation for my sanctification, for my growing in grace, and for the joy and peace I’ve found in trusting in His grace and mercy. Once I was broken, despair overcame me, and I questioned why I had to endure so much. He has now brought me to a place where every circumstance, good or bad, is looked upon as His writing of my story, His providential hand over my life.
In my life I have endured chronic pain, severe depression, loss, financial uncertainty, medical trials of my family, and the seemingly unending irritations of life lived in the land of Murphy’s Law. Presently my 11-year-old son with an intellectual disability is physically deteriorating before our eyes with no known diagnosis. Yet through it all–the fatigue, the pain, the uncertainty, I live to give thanks to God, to call on Him, to rejoice in my present trial. The world sees a desert, a parched soul with no light or purpose. But Christ is my oasis. He is my everything.
People often ask me how I’m doing and my answer is always, “I’m doing well.” The reason being is that despite all the trials past and present, our God is sovereign, He has ordained all that has or will ever come to pass, it is for my good (and the good of my family), He is glorified, and things are good because He is good. We cannot measure the quality of our lives by the world’s standards. They are measured according to the only One who matters.
If suffering brings the greatest glory to God, LORD, pour it out on me.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
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