Hey, mamas, how are you doing?

I mean, how are you really doing?

I will be the first to admit that the last few months have been rough.

There has been so much negativity seeping into our everyday life these days. It is difficult to Turn on the television or radio because we are constantly bombarded with images of people who are ill, people can’t find a job to support their families, people who need help, people who are hurt or injured for just being, people who are being criticized and arrested for standing up for others’ basic human rights and dignity, people who are promoting hate, violence, and discord in our society.

I have made a conscious effort to spend a long time away from most of the internet because of the never-ending helplessness and depression I’ve felt upon seeing and hearing all of this negativity. I’ve deleted my Facebook account and stayed out of Instagram because of all the hate and ignorance being thrown around like confetti.

I have been running on empty for too long and on Friday all of the stress, tiredness, overtime, and lack of sleep caught up with me. I had a Seizure Friday night when I went to bed.

Luckily, I had been in bed; I wasn’t driving, walking down the stairs, or doing anything else where I might have gotten hurt or hurt someone else. I had just lay down in bed, my lamp was still on, and the next thing I remember is trying to roll over and turn out the light but realizing that I couldn’t move, or talk. Unless you have ever been in a situation where you are aware and cannot move or talk you don’t know just how frightening it is. After a few moments I was able to turn over enough to reach my cellphone on the nightstand so that I could send a text message to my husband to come upstairs to the bedroom.

The next day I felt extremely tired. I had a headache all day long and just felt “off.” It’s hard to describe.

As a mom, I can’t tell you how scary it is to have a seizure disorder and to know there is the possibility of having a breakthrough seizure… and even more scary is having one. It makes me question everything that I do: what I do with my kids, driving to work, eating, taking a shower. My anxiety about having another seizure makes a little voice in my head continually throw “what-ifs” out there for me to ruminate on constantly.

The only thing I can do is to make the best of the situation. I continue to take the necessary safety precautions and continue to religiously take my meds. I will attend my previously scheduled neurology appointment next week.

Just like my mom before me, her mother, and so many others, I must carry on and push ahead. I mean, what else can I do?

Times are tough for so many right now. Reach out to other moms and spread a little love. Even if we can’t be together in person, we can support each other in spirit.

I know it is difficult, but try to carve out a little time for yourself today. A little self-care and self-love goes a long way.

Take care and stay healthy, mamas.

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