I read an excellent thread on Twitter this morning written by Daniel Blackmon (@UncleRedLeg), who, in his own words, is this: “Army COL, Field Artillery Junkie, husband, dad, lifter and pretty good golfer.” It was in response to a family member asking Blackmon how he felt about the military having to deal with all of this “woke crap . . .You know all that inclusion crap, all that can’t call parents ‘mom’ and ‘dad,’ all that pronoun stuff.”

My husband and I are both children of fathers who served in the military. Our family has quite a few military veterans and I am extremely proud of that fact. I was curious about an Army Colonel’s response to this question, because quite honestly, all of our fast moving societal changes, has me, this sometimes obtuse and stubborn, middle-aged lady confused and muddled and frustrated and trying to balance and to explore what I think is right and is healthy and is worth supporting. I LOVE Colonel Daniel Blackmon’s point of view. I think what the bottom line of his essay is saying is to stop making assumptions. Get to know people, individually. Be earnestly and openly curious about everyone whom you meet. If you want to earn people’s respect and trust, ask questions and listen to their answers. Daniel Blackmon says it best:

“So, inclusion…why is it important?  Inclusion is not about overtly empowering people who don’t deserve it.  The cream will always rise to the top. It’s about applying a level playing field as much as that’s possible. Some folks will always have more talent, more brains, more acumen for leadership, more hustle. These are not traits that any one group of people have a monopoly on. Inclusion is about caring about your people irrespective of what they look like, what kind of background they come from, or who they love.  Inclusion is about building trust that might not initially exist because of all of those previous reasons. . . . . . If I have to give an order to a group of people that will put them in harms way, they damn sure better trust me enough to know that I have done everything within my power to ensure maximum levels of success because if they don’t and I didn’t, the results will be catastrophic. . . . .  I am committed to let my people know I care about them because trust is a two way street and if you don’t have the trust of your Soldiers, you don’t have their respect. The men and women of our Army are raised by all types, a mom and dad, just a mom, just a dad, 2 moms, 2 dads, uncles, aunts, grandparents, foster parents and the list goes on.  What I’ve taken to doing is not asking about their mom or dad but asking, “Who do you call when you have some good news? Who do you call when you have some bad news?  Who do you call when you want to laugh/cry? Who loves you back home?” Most of the time I get pretty generic answers but sometimes the answer is surprising and what is even better is the look on the face of the Soldier when they get to tell you who that person is. It also puts the onus on the Soldier to tell me as much or as little as they want to about their family situation and more importantly, it lets them know that when they’re ready, they can tell me or their leader and not feel like they will be judged. It’s not “woke” to care. . . . (I, the blogger, repeated this part once again for emphasis): If I have to give an order to a group of people that will put them in harms way, they damn sure better trust me enough to know that I have done everything within my power to ensure maximum levels of success because if they don’t and I didn’t, the results will be catastrophic. . . .At one point in my life when I was a young man, this wasn’t as obvious to me as it is now.  I wish someone would have explained it to me better.  Maybe then I could have built better teams, been a better leader, made more of a difference. But I am committed to it now. I am committed to let my people know I care about them because trust is a two way street and if you don’t have the trust of your Soldiers, you don’t have their respect . . . .”

My takeaway: Don’t decide anything or anyone is “crap” until you really get to know them. It is not “woke” to care.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

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