Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
I don't really understand airport lounges.
Whenever I've wafted into them they've been so full of entited people that I can barely find a seat or a piece of cheese.
Still, some people believe they're a shelter from the madness of airport life.
Joanne Catherall, for example.
She's a singer with the Human League.
Their biggest hit, to my ears, was Don't You Want Me, Baby.
Which some might find painfully amusing very shortly.
You see, Catherall tried to enter the Qantas Business Class lounge at Melbourne airport.
The staff didn't want her.
Had she cursed them in a curious British accent? Had she said awful things about the Australian cricket team that is currently treating England's team like a tattered plaything?
Not at all.
As Catherall bemoaned on Twitter:
Denied access @Qantas business class lounge in @Melair Melbourne Airport apparently Ugg (Australia) Boots are deemed sleepwear by the lady working there although no problem in any of the other lounges so far.Helpfully she suggested I go to one of the shops & purchase some shoes-- Joanne Human League (@Lubycat) December 14, 2017
It seems that Qantas believes that Ugg boots are sleepwear.
They even besmirch the brand in their rules and regulations.
But I see all sorts of people wearing them in Starbucks. I feel sure that these people haven't slept there.
I've certainly seen people wear them in nice restaurants, too.
Yet Qantas actually confirmed its draconian laws.
Hi Joanne, we endeavour to remain consistent and uphold our Lounge's dress guidelines to all our guests . You may find details here: https://t.co/oiCgy2V1jR. Mark-- Qantas (@Qantas) December 14, 2017
So you can wear them seated in Business Class, but not in the Business Class lounge?
How oddly arbitrary and simultaneously snooty.
Qantas told the Independent that "we've always had smart casual dress standards for our lounges, which are similar for those in place for most clubs and restaurants."
Most clubs and restaurants?
Have these people ever been to, say, California?
Some might see this as awfully unpatriotic.
Ugg boots originated in Australia. Is Qantas ashamed of what the nation wrought?
I confess to being slightly conflicted here.
I adore the Human League. I adore Ugg boots slightly less. Oh alright, a lot less. Tending toward not at all.
No, I'm not going to call them UGGly. That's just not a joke I'd tell in most clubs and restaurants.
I accept, though, that people have their own style. Especially, Good Lord, when they're traveling.
Have you seen what tech types wear in these lounges? Excrescences emblazoned with their awful corporate logos.
For her part, Catherall tried to chuckle.
Hopefully I'm allowed down this lane in my Ugg Australia boots @Qantas pic.twitter.com/soUIphsubL-- Joanne Human League (@Lubycat) December 14, 2017
Please, Virgin Australia, do a campaign with Joanne and the band singing Don't You Qantas, Baby.
Sing it with me, Joanne.
I think it could be huge.