Halloween is right around the corner, and I am so ready! I am a huge fan of anything spooky, which means this is the most wonderful time of the year for me. So I thought that today I would dim the lights, turn on some flickering candles, and tell you some amazing Horror stories … tales of being a waxologist.
As I’ve mentioned before, I am a licensed esthetician. I work with all things related to skin! What I specialize in, though, is waxing. That’s right, ripping the hair out of people. If that’s not scary enough I don’t know what is. But trust me, I have seen some stuff in my day. There is plenty of horror to go around.
Especially because the most popular services I do are brazilians and manzilians, I end up seeing a lot of interesting things. When you are so closely working with men and womens’ full bodies, you are gonna see things that the average civilian does not see on a daily basis. Honestly, they’re all probably things that you don’t want to see.
But, they’re pretty funny to hear about! And I am always down for a laugh. So without further ado, here are my Horror Stories from being a waxologist!
The Lady Obsessed With Sex Trafficking
To start off, this woman wasn’t even my client at the start. When she visited her first time, she came in with her husband. I Waxed her husband, and my coworker waxed her brazilian. I distinctly remember begging her to switch clients with me because I wanted to do a brazilian instead of a manzilian. She said no, but she definitely regretted it later!
That night, she told me about how this lady was very odd. We will call her Jennifer. To start, Jennifer used the restroom before the service, which was totally normal. What wasn’t normal is that she took the entire pack of feminine wipes with her, and they were never seen again! She stole the entire pack, and decimated our bathroom.
From what my coworker said, the conversation was weird from the get go. The waxing went pretty normal, except she had a lot of areas that were chafed and raw, and there was an immediate smell. Keep in mind, this woman was fairly large. Which is normally no issue at all but it does start to make all of this make sense.
For the awful part… when it was time to do the backside, she flipped over, and my coworker was greeted with the sight of everything that Jennifer had neglected to wipe away during her time in the bathroom. *Insert vomit emojis here*. She finished the service and sent her on her merry way, glad it was over. Her husband was totally normal and I had a great time waxing him.
The next day, Jennifer calls in to lodge a complaint with my boss. For one, she was angry that there was hair left behind in some areas, but that was to be expected because we do not wax over raw skin that has been chafed. She also kept saying that my coworker was unprofessional because the topic of conversation kept being turned back to sex trafficking. But it was Jennifer that kept bringing it up!
Then, it was my turn…
Well, to my dismay, the next time she comes in she requests me because I had waxed her husband and had done a good job. I already knew that things were gonna get weird but I was mentally prepared for whatever was going to go down. Just like before, she used the restroom and indeed took all of our wipes.
We get into the room, and she IMMEDIATELY brings up sex trafficking! Oh the horror. Seriously, the entire time we are talking, she finds a way to weave it into the conversation. Like every time I try to steer her away from that, she brings it right back up. And the entire time, I am distinctly aware of the smell coming from her. It’s like she hadn’t showered for weeks.
Sure enough, when she turned over for the backside, it reeked. And she had had diarrhea in the bathroom, and it was currently dripping onto the table. It’s truly moments like these that I am grateful that I am required to wear a mask, because I could not hold back my horror and my jaw dropped. To anyone wondering what I did, I did the only thing I really could do… I just wiped it, and then waxed over it.
I was overjoyed when she left, and she hasn’t been back since. The real horror was cleaning off the table when she left. And I hope she doesn’t request me is she does come back. Luckily no complaints were made about the service!
Takeaway: please wipe yourself before you get a wax, and don’t talk about subjects like sex trafficking.
The Almost Normal Client
Once upon a time, there was a man on the waxing schedule that wanted me to wax his back. He was on my schedule initially, but due to a scheduling conflict he had to be moved to my coworker Cailee. Thank goodness for that!
Everything seemed fairly normal when he arrived. He got checked in, went in to get his back waxed, and came out to get all checked out. Well this is when the horror began. As he was being checked out, he asked if he could add another service on last minute. Cailee had time, so of course she said yes, and asked which service. He told us he wanted between the cheeks. (Which yes, means the bootyhole).
That may sound weird to you but that’s just our job! We didn’t think anything of it and they went back to the room to finish everything. When they were done, they came out and I immediately knew something had happened in the room. They were both silent. Neither of them spoke a word to one another, and when Cailee arrived at the front desk she started acting like she was busy working on the computer even though it was off.
I realized I was going to have to check them out, so I began the process, and asked him how it went. He said nothing. Major cringe! They never said one word to each other, and there was no attempt on her part to re-book him. That’s when I knew something had gone down. He gave her a HUGE cash tip, and walked out the door.
Finally when he was gone, I asked her what happened. When they went into the room, he got on all fours so she could get between the cheeks, and HE SHARTED ON HER. And it got all over her gloved hand. Oh my goodness. When I asked her how much, she said “too much. I don’t get paid enough for this.” And I must say, I agree with her.
Takeaway: If you’re feeling gassy before a wax, hold it in. Or just don’t go.
Jerry the Fashion Designer Scientist
This guy is legendary at my salon. He came in back when we were first opening, and were giving complimentary services away so that we could practice on live models. Jerry found us through a craigslist ad, and that really is all you need to know about him… but I will continue.
He waltzed in late for his appointment wearing a ratty graphic tee, a pair of pinstripe dress pants that were dragging on the floor, a trench coat, all topped off with a fedora. What a look! He as around 5’6, weighing around 250 lbs, and none of it was muscle. Already he seemed greasy, slimy, and sketchy! He wouldn’t give us a last name, or really any details about himself. Jerry probably wasn’t even his real name. I don’t know why my boss let him come in, but we really needed wax models for manzilians.
Before I took him back for the service, he repeatedly asked if my boss was going to sit in while we waxed him. Which, no? That would be super weird. She is very pretty, and he seemed to be interested in her. But he creeped me right out!
So yes, I had to wax this man’s private area, and it was extremely unfortunate. When I came in, he was half dressed straddled on the bed, for some reason. I already knew it was going to be weird but this solidified it. When he laid down I saw that his legs were swollen and purple, all wrapped in bandages. Honestly I am still kind of worried that he has leprosy. And he was COVERED in skin tags.
All of this would be nothing if he had been nice and normal, but alas, he was not. I am pretty sure he was a compulsive liar, because the things he told me… The first lie was that for work he was a fashion designer. Sir, if you were a fashion designer, why are your pants dragging on the floor? And why are your clothes dirty? He repeatedly told me he wanted to design me a dress because I was so pretty, but he didn’t think there was difference between 1920’s and 1950’s fashion. How do you not know the difference between those if it’s your job?
But he also said he was a scientist. I asked what kind, be it biology or chemistry or whatever, but he had no idea. He allegedly spoke five languages, but then when I asked where he learned them he said he just knew them for work. Apparently his work required him to model naked for a lot of women (those were his words, nothing I extrapolated).
So really, I have no clue what this man was actually about, other than that he was super suspicious, and that he was very… off. It happens sometimes that men come in expecting (or hoping for) a dominatrix-type experience, and I think he was one of those. All through the manzilian, he was making leading comments hoping for me to talk about his various body parts, and saying how humiliating it was. I stayed professional and reassured him that there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but it was getting majorly awkward, even for me.
Finally, it was time to do the back. And he just goes, “are you gonna force to get on all fours for you?” in this ridiculous voice. And I — nope. I noped right out of there. “I’ll meet you up front. The service is over.” is what I told that man.
The whole thing was so horrendous I had one of my coworkers check Jerry out. When he left, he paid in cash and didn’t even tip me! So there was no way for us to track him down or find his social media. No last name, no email, address, or emergency contact.
I wish that I could say that he has disappeared without a trace. However, he got a hold of my boss’s number somehow and texted her for a while, hitting on her. I suppose the real horror was that he thought he had a chance! After a few months he gave up. He has not been back to the salon since!
Yikes. I hope that you can sleep without the lights on tonight because I know I won’t. That’s definitely a joke, but I do hope that you enjoyed hearing them! With the way that this year has gone, I know that we all need a laugh.
Do you get waxed? What about a brazilian or a manzilian? If you have any horror stories about getting a wax, I would love to hear it! Leave it down in the comments below so we can all enjoy it together and commiserate in our shared awkward experiences.
If you liked this post, make sure to subscribe so that you can be notified every time I upload something new. Don’t forget to check out my post on why you should be waxing! Because though this post may say lead you to believe otherwise, being waxed is generally a good experience. Find a good waxologist and you will not have a horror story!
SURE LOVE YA! — Miss Aphrodite Darling
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