Busty girls may seem #blessed by the cleavage gods, but who’s to say that hauling two small children around on your chest is living the high life? From automatically starting sentences with ‘my eyes are up here’ to offending just about everyone when you decide to stand up straight, here are the 17 Problems Girls with big Boobs understand.
1. Bigger ain’t always better.
Every summery dress or slightly low cut top is automatically ‘sexy’ because your cleavage won’t just chill.
2. Pushing buttons.
Button down shirts that aren’t your bf’s oversized button down are a cruel joke. You avoid them like the plague so you don’t have to deal with looking down to find one of your buttons has popped open. In a meeting. With your boss.
3. “I LOVE spending $100 on a basic bra” – said no one ever
Unless you had $100 to drop on a bra that wasn’t of the nude or black variety, you have just discovered the *cue Whole New World* of Adore Me DD+ line. Your bra shopping past was a dark, dark time.
Good posture is hard to make happen because you’re constantly carrying your boobs around, so when you do stand up straight, it makes you look aggressive and awkward.
5. The potato sack problem.
Ever try wearing a cute shift dress and you end up looking about 100 lbs. overweight? Yep, that’s because it doesn’t have a waist, and it’s official your body type is now: Potato.
6. That’s not working out.
If your workout includes cardio today, good luck running for more than 5 minutes before your boobs literally hurt. Plus, everyone’s watching your chest as it tries to knock you out.
Babies and small children instinctively go right for your goodies. Which also reminds you that your boobs might get massive if you decide to get pregnant and breastfeed. Holy hell.
8. Dresses and bodysuits fit perfectly, except for your boob area.
That adorable dress fits your thighs, waist and arms, but your boobs look like they’re trying to claw their way out.
9. The abyss.
Your cleavage is like a crumb magnet that will, without fail, save all of your meals and snacks ‘for later’.
Every once in awhile, you try on a bra that’s a little too small in the cup which blesses you with unfortunate Quadboob.
11. Beach roulette.
Wearing a bikini is like playing a game of beach roulette. Like a game of ‘Will they or won’t they’ you can expect a variation of nip slip or completely losing your top to a big wave.
12. Tanning on your stomach is near impossible.
You’ve accepted that an even tan on your back is not going to happen without a stand up tanning booth, because your boobs will literally strangle you if you try to tan on your tummy. (Pro tip: dig a hole for each boob.)
13. Running naked.
Uniboob occurs when you wear a tight halter top or turtleneck. The second they’re squished together it looks like you have one, single, horizontal breast. Cute, right? Not.
15. Prying Questions 4 Life!
People always ask what your bra size is, if you’re going to get a reduction, if they’re real, if you’re scared of what is going to happen when you get old and gravity happens….
Aging is a sign of impending doom, because there is a strong chance your breasts will meet your hips at some point in the future.
17. The real workout.
The real workout is strapping the girls into two sports bras before you work out, and getting your sweaty sports bras off after you work out. That should count as strength training.
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