Most of us, at some point in our lives, had dreams of being a sports star under the bright lights, surrounded by adoring fans. The problem is, the odds of making it to the pros, no matter your Sport of choice, are pretty slim.
So what’s a dreamer to do if you want to make it to “the show”? Well, sneak in, obviously.
For example, if you’re vertically inclined, you can fake your way into the NBA draft.
You can wait until a team wins the championship and just pretend you’ve been there the whole time .
Or you can claim to have an impossible skill–like the ability to jump on eggs without breaking them–and then go on TV and disappoint everyone.
The trouble is, if you get caught, you’ll probably get thrown out, especially if your fake mustache falls off.
Now, we’re not experts on most sports, but we do know a thing or two about calisthenics. And the biggest sport most closely associated with what we do here is definitely gymnastics. So naturally, it’s our job to help you pass the eye test as a competent gymnast if you decide to sneak into a competition.
We’ve gathered some maneuvers very similar to those in the calisthenics playbook to aid you, the easiest we could find. No turning back now — it’s time to show the world what you’re pretending to be made of.
Ok, so you’ve made it into the gym. The first thing you’ll need to learn is the vault. It’s a basic gymnastics maneuver also used in parkour. The kong vault is a way to springboard yourself over an object at which you are running while using your momentum running forward.
It’s also going to help you clear any obstacles if your cover is blown and you have to make a break for it.
That big blue mat is calling your name! Now you’ve got to give the people what they want. Try a forward roll by beginning in a squatting position and rolling forward by pushing your hips over your head. Don’t use your hands when you stand back up — that’s for amateurs, and you, sir or madam, are a bona-fide gymnastics machine.
You’ve blended in so far. Well done. Now it’s time to get serious. Front support swings on the Pommel Horse are sure to convince people you belong. Holding yourself up with the handles (or whatever they’re called) swing your body in a controlled motion back and forth.
Once you’re on the Parallel Bars, you may be tempted to do a few dips, but remember, you’re incognito. Try a few simple swings to get you going. Just don’t kick anyone in the face (unless it’s a security guard).
Ok, so some people are starting to get suspicious. I told you you shouldn’t have worn jeans to this.
But now it’s on to the Horizontal Bar. Again, no pull-ups today. If you can get yourself to a handstand position, hold on tight and do giant swings:
Well, you did it. There were some touch-and-go moments but you’ve proven you’re the real deal. Now that you’re on the rings, it’s time to just hang there and enjoy your accomplishment. Or if you’ve got it in your repertoire, try a front lever. Give the people what they want!
Now get out there and make your dreams come true!
DISCLAIMER: AShotOfAdrenaline.net is not responsible for any legal consequences for making your dreams come true.
Think we missed something? Let us know if there are any others you think we should know about in the comments section.