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Peacefulness vs. Peace-Out

Tags: yoga

What is my healthy lifestyle routine you ask? I am not the type of person who is a strict gym goer. I do not count calories or my protein intake. I am conscious of what I eat, but I will order a burger and fries if I feel like eating a burger and fries. With that said, I do frequent the gym about 3-5 times a week and I actually do enjoy it. Sometimes I’ll switch it up with a swim or a nice speed walk on the greenway with the puppies. Either way, I get some form of workout in, and since I began my workout regimen, at least once a week, I get told how I really should try Yoga. How it would be really good for my body, mind, spirit, muscles, soul, life, being, brainpower, personality, patience, my use of profanity, and maybe even my bowel movements.

I do not consider myself the yoga type. The quiet, the slowness, and the meditation seem kind of boring really. But all I hear is, “just try it!” Of course, those “peaceful” friends of mine that are avid yoga enthusiasts are saying this. So I decided I would try it out, without realizing there are many different types of yoga. I thought yoga was, well…just yoga! It’s Not!

Apparently there is parental yoga, gentle yoga, aerial yoga, acro yoga, nude (yes nude) yoga, power yoga, hot yoga, yoga for men, yoga for children, yoga for women, yoga for seniors, yoga for dogs, and so many more. So I went in blindsided, and made the mistake of signing up for hot yoga. Which may or may not have been the biggest mistake of my life. I was in no way prepared for this ludicrous path for peacefulness.

I go in, ready for the next 90-minutes of pure relaxation, but boy was I wrong. The room was set at 105 degrees! Just stepping in I started sweating. I asked the instructor if the air conditioner was broken, and she laughed at me, thinking I was joking. We all sat on our mats, the instructor started the “peaceful” tantric music (which was not peaceful in the slightest), and she started calling out yoga positions. They were named after dogs and flowers and other things that made no sense to me. I began to feel dizzy, and everyone in the class was clearly much more advanced than I was. Happy I sat in the back of the room, I snuck out after only 10 minutes.

Moral of the story is, I would rather be full of rage and stressed out then ever experience that class again. Who willingly subjects themselves to such conditions? If I do decide to experience yoga again, I will make sure I am singing up for an entry-level class. Yoga is great for a lot of people I’m sure, but I do not see it becoming a constant part of my life.

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