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An Addict Going Into Recovery

Hello everyone, my name is Christian, and I am an addict. 

My drug of choice is sugar. 

I need to take a serious look at my relationship with food.  I never thought I had a problem with food honestly. Well, I never thought my relationship with food was bad. Wait this just isn't coming out right. Obviously I have a bad relationship with food, otherwise I wouldn't find myself in the shape I'm in.

 I used to think that people who were emotional eaters were the ones with bad food relationships. I'm not that.  I don't eat to comfort myself, or when I'm stressed, anxious, lonely, or having a bad day. Although I do get kind bitchy if I haven't eaten in awhile, though I blame it on the blood sugar.

For some reason I never stopped to think that there are other types of dysfunctional relationships with food. And the more research I do on it and the more closely I examine my own habits, the more I realize, I'm all kinds of dysfunctional!

Let's take a look, shall we?
Mindless Eating - By far, one of my biggest problems.  I touched on it in a previous post, "Don't Lick the Spoon..."  Unless I am consciously aware of eating for no reason, I will.  So much so that I have eaten cookies without even realizing it, then accused someone of stealing them!  I'll make a stop in the kitchen for any number of reasons, and if there is a package of cookies out on the counter, I'll grab one... or four.  And while, I do keep a few sweets in the house for Steve and the kids, I've made it a point to keep them in the cabinet.  For me, out of sight is out of mind.  If I don't see them, I'm much less likely to go digging for them.  When cooking dinner I "graze" a lot, well beyond simply tasting the food. A "pinch" of shredded cheese here, another there, eating the heel of the bread, licking he peanut butter or Nutella spoon, Sometimes I do it because I'm hungry and my stomach is making demands.  Other times, I do it out of habit, without even thinking about it.  I've started keeping a small container of cut celery or cucumbers in the fridge for the purpose of having something to hold me over while cooking if I simply can't wait.

Binge Eating - Yup, as much as I hate to admit it, I have been guilty of an eating binge or two, or three.  It has never been intentional, or planned.  I never went to the store with the intention of buying things to binge on. They've just kinda happened.  An impulse and a temporary lapse of self control.  "I want a cookie.... oh, I want another, oh, I'm just going to finish this entire package of cookies standing right here at the kitchen counter." It usually stops there, I don't continue searching other things to eat, and I always feel ridiculously guilty (and usually sick)  afterwards. Is that considered a binge? I believe so.

Overeating - I think this is pretty self explanatory.  I eat too much.  In the past I haven't had the best self control and will power, and I've let food have power over me.  That extra spoonful of mashed potatoes, or the extra piece of chicken, just one more glass of tea at 10 pm.  It all adds up. And when you don't have the discipline tell yourself "no" or justify that you don't need it, it adds up fast.  How's the saying? "A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips". Yup.

Sugar Addict - I think along with Mindless Eating, this is a my biggest problem.  I used to read articles about sugar as a drug and sugar addiction and blew it off as a load of crap. But now, as I am putting my eating habits under a microscope, I'm beginning to see the legitimacy of this.  It hit me last week at work.  I keep candy in my office at work for my staff. While I've broken my habit of taking a piece every time I am up from  my desk (see again, Mindless Eating), I will now, only occasionally (maybe twice a week) have a piece for a small chocolate treat. The first time I allowed myself a piece of candy over the last few weeks of being back on a controlled calorie diet, it was almost like taking a drug.  I wanted more without even realizing what I was doing.  Before I knew it, I had eaten 3 or 4 pieces.  I had to make a conscious effort to stop. It was an eye opening moment, that like an addict, I just wanted to keep feeding that addiction something in my mind kept telling me I needed more and more. Thankfully though, I realized what was happening and stopped myself.  Now I'm must more careful about watching my sugar intake.

So after looking over this list, needless to say, I think I have my work cut out for me on changing my relationship with food.  It's a daily struggle. Some days are better than others; some days I feel like a failure and some days I feel victorious, but either way, I start over again every morning.  And that's a beautiful thing.

What about you? What are your food addictions? Do you have issues in your food relationships?

This post first appeared on From 26 To Fit, please read the originial post: here

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An Addict Going Into Recovery


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