If I was the King of Hollywood and could change one thing about The Way Things Are Today, I’d remake every movie with a talking dog. And if I could change two things, a) talking dog, and b) no more unwieldy and vague titles.

The Transformers and Pirates of the Caribbean franchises would be 10 percent more enjoyable if they were called Transformers 2 and Pirates of the Caribbean 5, and not Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. If your movie title features a colon, it should be specific to the film, like Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (which was originally just The Empire Strikes Back, but whatever) or Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.

In related news, Jurassic World 2 (or Jurassic Park 5, if you will) isn’t Jurassic World 2. It’s the ominous Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. The reveal was made on the official teaser poster for J. A. Bayona’s sequel to the billion-dollar grossing Jurassic World, which comes out on June 22, 2018. The tagline, “Life finds a way,” hails back to the original Jurassic Park (even if it leaves out the “uh”), as does the return of Jeff Goldblum as Dr. Ian Malcolm. He survived both trips to the island — can he make it through a third? (Probably, as long as his Lost World daughter is around to kick more raptors in the face.)

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