So as you have already read, I have been through so things that have broken me in to a thousand of pieces. But it also made me to the young powerful single mom I am today!
I have received a few messages through Facebook with questions like 'How can you be so positive?' 'Do you still talk to your ex?' or 'Don't you want to give it another try?' Well I will break it down ..
How can I be so positive? I MADE the choice that I deserved MORE than depression and being broken-hearted. Because when I was going through all those things I didn't enjoy the growth of my son. I wasn't present and that still hurts. So I had to make a change for the better, I had to let all these nasty things go so I could be happy with myself! Because if I can't be happy with myself I can't make my son or anybody else. That was the moment I started self-education. And by self-education I really mean self-education. Asking myself questions like 'Who am I' 'Where do I want to go in life' 'What is my purpose' .. When I was asking myself all these questions I went into therapy. Just talk to a 'professional' that can guide me in the steps I wanted to make. That was so new, at first I was a bit scared and nervous but eventually it gave a self-confidence again! It helped me and I was stopped being ashamed of what had happened in the past. Step by step I was picking up my pieces and adding pieces as well! I can admit that therapy wasn't always easy but that is because, deep inside you already know certain things. But to hear a stranger break it down that comes in. At some points it felt like a truck had run me over. But that was because I already knew it and my therapist just acknowledge it. That is a big slap in my own face. I was making myself go crazy because all this time my feeling was right and I wasn't being selfish I acknowledge the situation and made the choice to be happy. When I found THAT power I filed the divorce. Yes, I have filed the divorce and it felt damn good! It felt good to be in control again about MY life.
When my ex got the papers he tried talking me into giving him another change. Only the thought of it made me unquiet. Because when he got out he didn't learn from it. He was still hanging out with the guys that put him in the situation. The same guys that let him miss the growth and birth of our first child. I told him that this was my choice and if he wanted to be a part of our life he has to change. But till then this is my choice so let us see that you can be a man. Because this isn't working for me or our son. We need a man with a backbone, somebody we can count on and especially someone that puts his wife and child on the first place. He promised he would change. And he did change but not for the better .. That was another slap in the face but this time it was different because I already knew. I already knew that there was a change he couldn't make certain steps. And not to forget we were 7.739 kilometers away from him. I made steps in the time he was behind bars, bought a house, got my second contract faster than other colleges because I was dedicated to my happiness. So I had changed as well. When I was seeing that, it gave me power and I was letting the fear go because I was already doing it! I was already creating my OWN happiness.
Just like now, I am on an educational journey and it gives me so much power and a clarification. Of how to be fully in control of my life. As a single mom you don't want to bring your child 3 to 4 times a week to daycare. If you can work a few hours from home that is ideal! If you would like to more about this, click on the link below. And my mentors will tell you more about it!
p.s come and join my facebook group #ThePowerBehindaSingleMom