As you may know by now, when I first started dating I made a ton of dating mistakes! Well I’m going share my story of how I was dumped after the first date!
How I met a man who really liked me, pursued me and won me over and then after just one date called me to say “I just don’t want to waste your time….”
So here’s the low down of exactly what I did right and then my critical mistake that changed everything!!
So here we go…
One day out of the blue, a man I knew from a Meetup I was part of PM me on Facebook. I had seen him around but I did not give him much thought. He was ok looking but not the type I was used to and based on his Facebook page, I thought he was an unemployed handyman so I was just not interested in him.
For months, he kept pursuing me, liking and commenting on my posts, etc. We seemed to have common interests so finally, I decided what the heck and gave him my Phone number.
Well as it turns out, he was an engineer, NOT unemployed and we did have a lot in common. We both loved animals, enjoyed the outdoors, he was spiritual and we had similar backgrounds.
So we Began to talk on the phone and regularly exchanged flirty texts with fun pictures. I was having fun while getting to know him.
But after several weeks of texts and calling I began to wonder when was I ever going to meet this guy?
So when he text me again I made a joke about when was my handsome new friend who had been flirting with me for weeks was ever going to ask me out. And then I let him ask me out.
Finally, we had our first date and I was sooo disappointed. I did not like him!
In fact he bugged me!
We were walking around downtown, and he kept making me stand on the inside of the sidewalk. I had to keep changing sides over and over and moving my purse back and forth. I was so annoyed and I wanted the date to end SOON. I thought, where is the guy I have been talking to for weeks?
Plus during our date he was holding my hand the whole time, which also really annoyed me.
I made a decision to stop being critical of him and pay attention to how I felt. And I realized I was kind of attracted to him.
So I decided to show interest in him, practice flirting and focus on just having fun. I mean this one date, I didn’t have to marry the guy!!
The second I changed my perspective the whole date changed.
We sat down by a fountain and began to talk. Suddenly it was like our phone conversations again. We had tons of stuff to talk about and I began to really like him and feel really attracted to him.
It began to get late and he suggested we have dinner. He took me to sushi restaurant and we sat down to eat.
At this point, I began thinking about how I could really like this guy.
I even started thinking “Wow he may be the one”. Before I had been holding back because I wasn’t sure about him, but now I felt myself start to get excited.
And then temporary insanity took over!
Since in my mind he was now my boyfriend-to-be- I began to confide in him some personal issues I was experiencing in my life.
All of sudden he said “it is getting late we should be going”. He walked me to my car, kissed me on the cheek and gave me a warm hug. Later, he text me to make sure I got home ok.
I of course text him back some long text about being on the phone talking to a girlfriend about her break-up. Had so much fun looking forward to seeing him again.
Like I would have with my boyfriend- except this was our first date!!
The next day I did not hear from him.
I was a mess. What happened?
He was the one who was into me!! He pursued me. After all, I generously gave him a chance!
Not to mention I was way better looking than him-he was lucky to be with someone like me!!
Besides he texted me to see if I got home ok so he must CARE right??
Two days later he called me and said it was not going to work out because “I was all over the place” and he was ready to settle down.
What the heck happened?
We had a four-hour first date! He was affectionate, coffee turned into dinner, he text me that night? I thought the date was great.
What happened was, the second I decided I really liked him and thought he could be “The One,” I treated him differently. I changed the way I was acting!
Before that moment, he was the one who was really interested in me, he was the one pursuing me.
But the second I started to really like him, I began acting like we were already in a relationship ON OUR FIRST DATE!
I confided in him as if he was already my boyfriend. I opened up too much! And I became too eager!
When I was not interested in him, I held back a little more and that encouraged him to come forward.
John Gray of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus explains the first stage in dating is attraction. He says:
“When a man is attracted to a woman, he gets excited because he anticipates that he can make her happy. He wants the opportunity to pursue her. When a woman is too eager to please, a man doesn’t experience the distance he needs to pursue her. Without movement and the opportunity for more, a man can easily lose the interest necessary to move through all five stages of dating.”
And that’s how I made one of my own critical dating mistakes- Deciding Too Soon! I fell the trap of the “imaginary relationship” and jumped way ahead. And he felt it!
Now did I blow it with “The One” probably not, but it would have been nice to take it slow and find out for myself.
Which is why I always say “you can never lose anything worth having by waiting”.
Much Love and Happy Dating,