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Searching life partner- meaning of being...

Tags: life partner

Reaching at your 25th in India has real fun and learning in itself. Many of my friends and even me are facing this transitional phase of life. Socially, we are expected to take up serious roles and personaly we are looking for space to enjoy newly arrived adulthood, our new course, our new projects, our new job. With this there emerge a strain or tension which is multi dimensional. The main tension which is distrubing me and my friends are pressure of marriage. its a cultural tension felt to due various reasons. Familes in India by this expect their children to "get settled". It becomes worse when you start earning by yourself, symbolising your maturity to earn and get some social recognization. But this is a social issue, what I am concern is emotional and personal issues faced by my generation in Indian cultural setup.
Most of  us faces problems in deciding or choosing life partner(for love and arranged marriage). One side we have our notions about "perfect for me" and other side we afraid of relationship failures. People adopt different mechnisms to choose and judge their life companion. Some fails (learn) some succeeds (already learned). I looked at this dilema from old approach in Hindu tradition called Purusartha( I interpret it as "meaning of being"). This allows me to share my views and interpretation to "check compitibility"  of partner.
This applies to other non Hindu societies to because more or less humans are same. Every human in any society has to face transitional period in life, normally refered as Rites De Passage. In Hindu contexts its called "sanskara" where person from one "ashram" enters into other one. These ashramas are classified into four categories: students life, domestic life, detachment from duties in domestic life, and complete detachment from domestic life. Similarly Purusartha is divided into four category called Dharma, Artha, Kama, Moksha.
I am looking at Purusartha as guiding idea in the period of transition from one phase of of life into another one. So, in our case, I am taking doctrine of Purusartha as guiding force to choose a life partner.
Let's begin with Dharma(idea of what is right), it is always advisable to choose a life partner who think in right direction. By this I mean, the direction or action which is right to you should be right to your partner too. If two person, thinks two different things as "right" or "true" at same time it can create tension in relationship. Another problem here is when any one of the partner force (with love or without love) other to accept definations which he/she thinks is right and do not allow other to express views. Such situations leads to one sided dominance of any one person. Along with this there is also a risk of conformity, in which other person accepts the view of his/her partner without think into depth like "whatever he/she will do for me i'll accept"  brings  subordination or creates hierachy and dependency within couple itself.
Artha(knowledge about spendings and savings), is very essential factor to when you are planning to lead "settled" life. Spendings and savings holds very crucial position in today's life. Everyone has their own way and knowledge about spending and saving finances which they earn. It becomes very important that this knowledge of spendings and savings should match properly between two people. Else it can create burden in household or create adjustment issues.
Thinking of Kama(worldly desires), is very essential part while choosing life partner. One has to be very careful in matching this compatibility. If one give importance to materialistic lifestyle or luxurious life style and other do not consider it important than it create problems. Same things apply to sexual compatibility also, If one is "desperate" personality and other one is "opposite" personality or vice versa. Checking this aspect of compatibility is bit challanging job. For this one has to be aware about own desires as well as desires of "prospective" life partner. After all one can't sleep around with people to check such compatibility. One has frame own ways to check it out. Taking help of others may not be helpful always on this aspect.
Moksha(spirituality) is hidden but effective in long run aspect of any relationship.Why we feel more happy and content with some than other people ? The reasons may vary but the fundamental thing is that our emotional and mental (the basic components of spirituality) matches exactly with them. This people includes our family and close friends. It is very much needed that "to be" life partner have such ability to fulfill need of close friend and true family member. If person can perform these roles, take my words, one should not loose such person in entire life. Such people can only boost up your spirit. It ensures stability of relationship in good and bad situation of life.
Finally, choosing life partner is not an easy task, no "love meter" or other online apps can assure you true soul mate. Decision for life mate needs to be taken carefully without influence of family,friends, society or online guides. For this, one has to look within self and being sure what you are and what you need. Searching lifepartner is not merely social experience but a spiritual experience in true sense.



This post first appeared on 4th Dimension, please read the originial post: here

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