Encounters with C. G. Jung: The Journal of Sabi Tauber (1951–1961)

1953

New Year’s Eve 1952/53 was horribly dark and heavy.

I launched myself with desperation into my work, without a goal in sight.

At the beginning of the new year I was allowed to visit Jung.

He was sick, indeed, and sad. I was ashamed to have had even the faintest expectations, and he immediately sensed my feeling and said, “No, there is no libido left, no strength in my heart, and no creative impulse.

And that’s what you need; that’s precisely what you came here for. It’s totally natural and okay.

But one doesn’t really need an analysis when one has real, true relationships and is able to think psychologically.

Just be real and true to yourself, and the people around you will be forced to be the same, which will create real and true relationships.”

Could I perhaps lend him my strength of heart? He sadly shrugged his shoulders – maybe.

“Of personal matters I cannot speak right now, because that is immensely tiring.

But talking about the work is neutral and less burdening.”

Then he mentioned for the first time a distinguished old lady who knew geomancy very well, saying that she will deal w th the

organization of the group work.

“Honestly, she looks like a ghost and is part witch, but she is very knowledgeable and smart! Only, you may not be afraid of her!”

I plunged headlong into the cold water: I began with the recording of synchronicity phenomena at the hospital.

It often seemed impossible to do justice to the various chores and tasks – and yet, I knew that they were all demanded by my inner self.

I took care of my little daughter alone; during naptimes I rushed to the hospital where I tried to accomplish my task without making a great stir, and then back home again to my big, beloved family.

And all this with ‘lukewarm’ maids. There were moments when I felt close to despair.

Once in a while there came a little note from Jung, as encouragement and a reminder to see it through.

Then I met for the first time ‘the woman’ prophesied by the gypsy.

Though I’d been prepared, I fell headlong into her trap!

It was a good lesson and I am eternally indebted toward her.

Thank God, my dreams provided the opportunity to meet with Jung.

At some point, spring always arrives, so, too, in that year 1953.

On 13 May I spent a wonderfully happy day in Kusnacht.

I met Jung standing in midst of the blooming spring garden and followed him, filled with expectations, to the little garden pavilion by the lake.

The magic of the place had an immediate effect on me.

The reeds and waves were whispering,

Time gone by –

Am I ready

For eternity?

Was I? I simply fell into it …

“You are much too reasonable, that’s why your heart is hurting.

It’s almost suffocating, because it is so imprisoned.

You think ‘nothing but real’ but you should also include rubeus and puella in your worldview!

Those have to be integrated.

Out of the so-called ‘real world’ you have to make a ‘psychic world.’

Life always has two aspects, and one always has to consider which of the two has precedence and ‘counts’ at that particular moment: ‘my own action’ and the ‘act of God’ (this is precisely how it is called in English law when, for example, lightning meaning.

The synchronicity liberatingly revealed a truth that he himself had not brought over his lips.

A leaden heaviness was thereby lifted. (Report by Christian Tauber)

strikes a House or there is flooding, because it is not one’s fault and responsibility – corresponding to the maison Dieu in the tarot).

In case of ‘my own action’ one is responsible; one is conscious, has a will, a reason, is rational and moral. In case of ‘act of God,’ one has to fulfill the will of God, one has to ‘let it happen’ (Zhuangzi) – I’m happening to myself, whereby often unreasonableness reigns and things happen irrationally.

Both sides have to be lived.

To weigh beforehand which side is to be given preference is difficult.

For example, one simply cannot write a certain letter; there is no reason why not, but one simply cannot do it.

Only later it dawns on one (aha, this is why it didn’t work!).

The reason only comes in hindsight, and the deed, or misdeed, is being justified afterwards – that is an ‘act of God.’

However, if the deed later cannot be justified, perhaps even condemned, then it was negligence or laziness (of one’s own acting) and one is guilty.

One’s behavior has to withstand ‘sincere consideration.’ ‘Act of God’ always does.

Precisely because you are much too reasonable and realistic, the life of the soul (the psychic world) becomes so intense and vehement – all rubeus and puella, which elicits identification with them.

Live more in the ‘psychic world,’ apparently unreasonably and irrationally, and you will integrate rubeus and puella.

In this way they will loosen their intensity and at the same time become real.

This closes the circle.”

I asked him whether I was not simply too cowardly to live rubeus and puella in a concrete way.

“No,” he replied, “it’s a fateful calling on which level you have to live it.

Puella and rubeus are psychic factors that can’t be dealt with on the level of ‘popularity’ because of your acute sense of reality – it wouldn’t make sense anymore.”

And softly, but urgently, he added, “Should you ever do something ‘unreasonable,’ know that it would be an alleviation.

Don’t let it confuse your heart (that would be identification).

Though it might be chalked up to you in outer life, for the inner life it is fine.

Thinking like that protects against identification.”

Then I asked him about the meaning of the following dream, which did not make sense to me at all:

Ignaz has to expand in one of these two directions: either the vertical= 184, or the horizontal= 148.

But he is supposed to do it in the vertical.

Jung commented that 1 symbolizes the (original) unconscious oneness, 4 the visible reality, the world, and 8 corresponds to man as a differentiated psychic vessel for the final oneness.

Now, 1-4-8 would mean to go from the unconscious oneness through the sensible world to the psychically highly differentiated final union.

The divine One (1) is diffused in the world (4) and then recollected in a complete union (8).

If, inversely, the path for Ignaz is the outpouring in 1-8-4, this means that, after the unconscious oneness (1), he is directly seized by the divine spirit (8), and that he must realize this in the world afterwards (4).

As an intuitive type, he first experiences the psychic world and only thereafter worldly reality (in the tarot correspondingly first pape, then monde).

A woman first lives reality (4) and then comes to the final union (8); therefore her way is 1-4-8.

Lastly, I wished for his own geomancy mandala [fig. 12] to stand as a kind of ‘banner’ over this research project on synchronicity – it would always be a shining light above us.

I made a short, vague attempt at interpreting Jung’s scutum and sent it to him.

It remained without answer, so I assume that it might not have been totally wrong:

The tarot shows on place I, the place of ‘morning,’ imperatrice, a moving, urging, also supporting anima (goddess of fertility, Artemis).

Place II, the place of ‘noon,’ has justice: reaction follows action, beginning of the second round in the dance of the 8, harmony and balance according to the inner law (justice has her eyes covered).

Jung’s lively connection between consciousness and the unconscious – one’s own responsibility and the ‘act of God’ (Job).

On place Ill, in the ‘evening,’ stands force, indicating the force of Yin with which Jung has insight into the Lion.

The wheel of fortune can be halted in order to behold

Fig . 12: Tarot and Geoscope C. G. Jung, May 13, 1953. I Ching: 46 Sheng, “Pushing Upward” – 5 Hsu, “Waiting (Nourishment).” the hub.

Value of consciousness; in the ballgame, the ball is caught and passed on; invisible effect of the self.

Papesse on place IV, ‘night,’ signifies the self-becoming, invisible (veiled), a withdrawal into oneself; being lovingly received by the universe, the anima candida, Sophia.

I to IV rather spans life as a whole, whereas V to VII seems of a narrower timeframe to me.

The place V, ‘the past,’ has pendu, a violent reversal (may be his illness); loss of libido (gold coins are falling out of his pocket); sacrifice is demanded (the branches of both trees are cut back); the gaze is directed towards the sky (self).

On place VI, ‘the present,’ there is etoile (star), the transpersonal solution (both pitchers are being emptied into the stream); in the depression (night), the self is shining with fateful significance (1 + 7 = 8 stars) for himself and for others.

On place VII, the ‘future,’ is maison Dieu, experience of god, the unconscious as fertilizing agent, enlightenment; perhaps development may never stand still. Logos shall not ‘petrify’ (tower), a lively ability for change must be maintained; a recharging with divine electricity.

I believe that the archetype has a positive aspect in this position because of papesse and coniunctio (Ludex, no 15) and a/bus (in the twelfth house of the geoscope).

Also, / Ching# 46 Sheng, “Pushing Upward.”

Perhaps Jung’s attitude toward maison Dieu should include papesse.

1st house35, laetitia, an ‘aligned’ personality, one with its goal, in appearance supported by the unconscious, undivided, whole and happy; together with epees 4, it means with real spirituality, the truth-loving sword (a constellated house, perhaps pointing to rebirth).

2nd house, populus, the collective (conscious and unconscious) became the task, which Jung tackles with fruitful masculinity (batons 6).

3rd house, coniunctio, the problem of the union of opposites is dealt with in the relationship with the closest environment, where the solution is achieved, thanks to the capacity for totality (batons 8) (Psychology Club).

4th house, populus, strong roots in both the masculine and the feminine element; a solid stand (batons 3).

5th house, laetitia, in life’s experiments supported by the unconscious, ‘appointed’; fateful encounters with the feminine (coupes 7; urging towards 8).

6th house, a/bus, through his work Jung becomes the ‘old wise man’; with his sword at his disposal (valet epees) – with discrimination he brings the self into the light.

7th house, a/bus, the self becomes reality in his relationships to other people; here we see a natural-human comprehension (coupes 5); warm humanness toward the other.

8th house, populus here requires detachment from the collective through individuation. The unconscious embraces duality (deniers 2), Devil and God.

9th house, laetitia, the unconscious leads him to a deep, powerful relationship to God (batons 9), (Job).

10th house, coniunctio, the fruit of all his endeavors is the coniunctio oppositorum, realized both in the profession and within, as the soul approaches values with Yin energy and thus controls them (reine deniers).

11th house, amissio, a loss of relations; isolation through withdrawing into himself, whereby his sword of discrimination becomes a messenger to the beyond (cavalier epees) for himself and others.

12th house, a/bus, though he might be isolated as the old wise man, he lays the seed for the birth of the self for all of suffering humanity.

This seed is an accomplished mandala (batons 4), which will sprout because he is so completely in the truth!

13, 14, and 15 [geoscope]: There are two currents, one toward the inner, one toward the outer which find themselves in a golden middle movement (here, too, is a requirement to grasp opposition).

When in doubt, rather close out the world, and orient within because of cauda draconis, as 16.

Papesse, too, emphasizes ‘inwardness,’ while maison Dieu destroys ‘outwardness.’

Similarly, the / Ching, in # 46 Sheng, “Pushing Upward,” emphasizes patience, diligent growth around obstacles.

Just as in:

Beschaftigung, die nie ermattet, die langsam schafft, doch nie zerstort, die zu dem Bau der Ewigkeiten zwar Sandkorn nur fur Sandkorn reicht, doch von der grossen Schuld der Zeiten, Minuten, Tage, Jahre streicht.

It changes into# 5, Shu, Waiting (Nourishment): strength within, danger without.

Strength in the face of danger doesn’t rush; it can wait.

Quietly gather strength.

The great lines are wonderful, for example: the transformation of soul in the image of the four women (I, II, Ill, IV): The beginning (“spring”) with imperatrice, laetitia and epees 4; then “summer” with justice, reine deniers and coniunctio; followed by a fruitfulness (“fall”) in coupes 5, a/bus, force, etoile (force on earth; etoile in the sky), and

finally the wise and loving guidance toward Sophia within (“winter”).

[Here ends Sabi’s attempt at interpreting Jung’s scutum.]

At the end of that beautiful day in May, however, I found myself standing in front of my car, utterly perplexed: The keys were inside, and the doors solidly locked!

Was I dazed, or had my unconscious ‘fabricated’ this beforehand?

But no, there was no awakening as from a dream: I had to go back, ring the doorbell again, and shamefully confess my ‘misfortune.’

I called Ignaz and asked him to send me the spare keys by express mail.

And then Mrs. Jung very kindly invited me for lunch.

I was terribly embarrassed, to Jung’s obvious amusement.

But he had a way to cheer me up so that it became a very pleasant meal for the three of us, with open windows, sunshine and a smiling ‘knowing’ lake.

The two were like my parents, changed and yet the

same. I received and found myself engaged as mediator, transformed and yet, also, the same.

This is the year I turned forty.

Perhaps the fates thought that it was time for intensive shadow work – and set Mrs. X. directly onto my narrow path.

I was glad not to be able to evade her, coward that I am.

In support, and as a reward, I was privileged to experience Miss Hannah’s genuine courage and energy.

She gave me a felt sense of a wonderful righteousness.

Catching my every thought of flight, yet never denouncing my weakness, she strengthened my own courage.

“Seeking death is the longing for rebirth,” she remarked wisely.

Behind every word stood the proof of her own life.

At that time she taught me the Chinese saying, which became the ransom that freed me from the very claws of my embodied shadow: “I appreciate the truth so much that I am economical with it.”

And it was exactly for my fortieth birthday, August 27, 1953, that I received an invitation to Bollingen!

To start off, Jung encouraged me to continue my work with the synchronicity phenomena, in spite of the difficulties with Mrs. X.

Concerning her power and hardness, he gave me the following explanation: “She would have to admit to far more of her own shadow, so as to be in direct contact with the earth.

Because she doesn’t have a ‘stand’ without such an earth-contact, she constructs a kind

of coordinate system in her mind about the world and humanity, and forces everything into it subjectively and despotically.

Synchronicity makes her insecure, and therefore she exercises power over us.

But there is no insight with power, only with love.

Qui amat cognoscit!

There are people who smash a motor that doesn’t work, instead of checking with love what might be wrong.

“Where I’m concerned, I should simply continue my work in the dark and stay open for everything.

He told me how, for example, during This research on dementia praecox, he was under a constant fear of going insane.

In the heat of summer he’d dreamed that suddenly an icy coldness set in. He thought that was the onset of insanity – but then, in 1914, war broke out.

“But you can never forget that Nature is just as cruel and deadly as she is life-sustaining!” (Meaning, I cannot be too optimistic!)

As to my husband, Jung suggested that perhaps all of his anima was invested in me, and only if I don’t hide out, only if I am completely real, open, and conscious, can he come to his own reality through mine.

In that way, the unconscious no longer slides between him and his anima.

Each of us has to find out individually where creative activity lies.

“Just like Mrs. X., so M., too, would be startled by me being essential, which challenges the totality of the other.

Oftentimes, female analysts would exercise power over their analysands at the end of

their analysis, as soon as they act from their totality, in order to keep them ‘down.’

Conversely, male analysts simply evade the challenge and withdraw.

The whole personality, and a clear and brave attitude is needed for a friendship to develop, a true relationship.

Most people are afraid when one is one’s essential self.”

Then he asked me whether I had ever sensed such evasiveness in him.

“No, never!” I answered with conviction, for that was precisely his greatest asset: his total presence and his rock-solid reality.

Actually, he continued, one should always be able to live essentially, but that was impossible.

He therefore had learned to wear a mask and to ‘make belief that he knew nothing,’ so that his partner would be talking without inhibition. Insight into the other is a danger!

The lake was quiet and serene before us and within us.

It was a boundless evening of Tui43 – heaven wide open – like an invitation to my forty years.

Jung might have sensed it too, for he started to tell me, “When I was deadly sick, everything fell off me; I had to forge a long and solitary path, and only those parts of my personality, that at some point of my life I had painfully and laboriously integrated, came faithfully with me. Those have become eternal values.”

In the future I will bow deeply before every rainbow.

It is a radiating symbol for me of ‘overcoming,’ and the only way from earth to heaven.

Then came a very crazy time; I felt like I was being flattened to the ground (only later did I comprehend that wheat is completely pressed down into the earth in order to grow).

The poisoned arrows of Mrs. X., coming in my direction, were constant; they were well aimed.

At home, Ignaz wrestled with an acute anima-problem.

It was as if I suffered from a constant longing for Jung, and I plunged into the waves at high tide.

Miss Hannah made an attempt at rescue.

She had a way of showing me my flight from the earth and sounded an alarm based on a warning dream, saying that I wanted to be too self-sufficient, too independent.

I should have let Ignaz feel my dependency on him, but my heart didn’t want to play along anymore.

Today, I am grateful to him! Fortunately, it was not too late.

Once again, into these dark times came a letter from Jung.

I visited him in Kusnacht, with, and in spite of, my illness for I knew that only he could see deep into my heart. It was a stormy day.

I put my hand into his and simply had to cry for a while.

His wonderful benevolence radiated calmness and warmth over me.

Through tears I asked him how could I possibly make water out of my inner fire, so that I could better tolerate lying still.

He smiled gently, “Just like that – with tears.”

Then I shared my dreams:

(1) Jung taught me exercises on the piano to train the independence of the right and the left hand.

Jung’s comment: “To play the piano means using and living the feeling function. All feelings have two sides, positive and negative, conscious and unconscious. With these, one can be dependent or independent.”

(2) At a lecture Jung is sitting directly behind me; the light is too glaring for him. He says that he would give me something (7 or 12 francs) if I’d be able to regulate (dim, soften) the light properly at the first attempt.

I thought I could simply ask the waitress how the switchboard worked, but she showed it wrongly.

I investigated the situation myself, and then my second attempt was successful.

Some kind of curtain came down halfway and softened the light.

Jung commented that absolute clarity is a sign of poverty.

With bright light the ‘flair’ is lost, the atmosphere, the nuances.

Total clarity may not be desirable, otherwise life is lost. Day and night have to mix.

Haziness is necessary too, but it can’t be part of it if the light is too glaring. There has to be doubt.

In a Chinese temple one corner is always left unfinished. Humans cannot be perfect, only God.

A desire to be perfect is false arrogance, hubris.

In the Barfusser church in Basel, the highest nave was set up asymmetrically on purpose – out of humility! Clarity alone is too difficult to bear.

What we know should be called into question from time to time, only then is it complete (not perfect!).

“Nothing is totally true and that also isn’t totally true!” Absolute clarity is an absolute error. ~Saba Tauber, Saba Tauber: Encounters with Jung, Page 52-66