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If The Queen Were To Sing Pop

Full disclaimer: We know that the Queen of England has better things to do than sing any of these songs. But if she did, boy would it be fun!

Don’t tell me that it’s ‘artistic expression’ or ‘poetic license’. If I hear ‘When you cheated, girl, my heart bleeded, girl’ by Justin Timberlake or ‘The Way I Are’ by Timbaland, I won’t be able to listen to it without editing it in my head. Several times. And cringe visibly while doing so.

No matter how sweetly crooned or how foot-tapping the number, there are certain grammar offences that just cannot be allowed to pass. So where does Her Majesty, The Queen of England fit into this?

Well, we’re assuming that the Queen isn’t aware of these songs and the felony that is their lyrics, but we’re sure she’d fix them up in a jiffy with her impeccable Queen’s English. So we thought it’d be a riot to simulate the same.

But is it going to sound as catchy after?

1) Closer – The Chainsmokers ft Halsey

Original song – So, baby, pull me closer

In the backseat of your Rover

That I know you can’t afford

Bite that tattoo on your shoulder

Pull the sheets right off the corner

Of the mattress that you stole

From your roommate back in Boulder

We ain’t ever getting older

If the Queen sang it – So, baby, pull myself closer

In the backseat of one’s Rover

That one knows one can’t afford

Bite that tattoo on your shoulder

Pull the sheets right off the corner

Of the mattress that you stole – Goodness me!

From one’s roommate back in Boulder

We ain’t ever getting older

PaperTrue’s verdict – There’s certainly no question of The Queen not being able to afford the Rover. Or the sheets. Or the mattress. But you certainly won’t be able to afford getting closer to her if you continue singing grammatically incorrect songs about thievery Halsey!

2) Hotline Bling – Drake

Original song – Ever since I left the city,

You got a reputation for yourself now

Everybody knows and I feel left out

Girl you got me down, you got me stressed out

‘Cause ever since I left the city,

you started wearing less and goin’ out more

Glasses of champagne out on the dance floor

Hangin’ with some girls I’ve never seen before

You used to call me on my cell phone

Late night when you need my love

If the Queen sang it – Ever since I left the city,

You have attained a reputation for yourself.

Everybody knows this and I feel quite left out.

Lady, you have dampened my spirit and I am stressed out.

Because ever since I left the city,

you started wearing less and going to social gatherings more often.

You stand with glasses of champagne on the dance floor,

Mingling with some girls who I have never seen before.

You would call me on my cell phone,

Late night when you needed my love.

PaperTrue’s verdict – It’s safe to say that Drake doesn’t consider editing or proofreading his songs necessary. ‘Cause he too fly to be carin’ about adding letters instead of that random apostrophe. We do wish there was a hotline to report linguistically atrocious and moderately sexist songs though!

3) Cheap Thrills – Sia

Original song – Come on, come on, turn the radio on

It’s Friday night and I won’t be long

Gotta do my hair, I put my make-up on

It’s Friday night and I won’t be long

Till I hit the dance floor

Hit the dance floor

I got all I need

No I ain’t got cash

I ain’t got cash

But I got you baby

If the Queen sang it – Hasten, hasten, turn on the radio,

It is Friday night and I will not take much longer

I have to style my hair and apply my make-up

It is Friday night and I will not take much longer

Until I arrive upon the dance floor

Arrive upon the dance floor

I have everything I need

No, I do not possess any cash

I do not possess any cash

But I have your company, my love

PaperTrue’s verdict – What do you think the Queen’s Friday nights are like? I can barely picture her swaying to this tune, and least of all having no cash while doing so! She really does have everything she needs; unlike Sia who could certainly do with a grammar lesson or two!

4) Wrecking Ball – Miley Cyrus

Original song – I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was break me

Yeah, you wreck me

I put you high up in the sky

And now, you’re not coming down

It slowly turned, you let me burn

And now, we’re ashes on the ground

If the Queen sang it – I arrived in a manner similar to a wrecking ball

I have never fallen this hard while in love

All I desired was to shatter your defences

All you ever did was destroy me

Yes, you wrecked me.

I placed you high, in the sky

Now, you are refusing to descend

It slowly turned, while you allowed me to incinerate

Currently, we lie as ashes upon the ground.

PaperTrue’s verdict – I must admit, editing this song actually did wreck me a little. Miley could probably take a leaf out of The Queen’s book on sounding intensely graceful and elegant while also accusing a man. And about tenses, of courses. Wrecked, Miley. Wrecked.

Are there any songs that you want to see the edited versions of? Or songs with horrifying grammatical errors? Do let us know!

The post If The Queen Were To Sing Pop appeared first on PaperTrue Blog.



This post first appeared on PaperTrue - Professional Editing & Proofreading Services, please read the originial post: here

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