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Surviving Financial Abuse - My Story

Surviving Financial Abuse
I was in a seventeen-year marriage. I guess from the start the warning signs were there, but when you are in love, your heart is blind. When I met my ex-husband, he was already in trouble with the bank with an unauthorised overdraft and Debt collectors after him. To help him out of his overdraft predicament, I cleared his overdraft with my credit card.
Whilst living with my husband his drinking was getting out of control to the point where he was spending more on his credit card to pay for the drink and covering his tracks by buying it at the petrol station stating it was petrol for the car for him to travel to and from work. He travelled a lot in his job, so you can imagine the petrol bills.
In DebtAs I was the one that opened the bills, he rarely did. I could see things were spiralling out of control with an endless cycle of finding 0% Credit Cards to deal with the debt transferring from his credit cards to my credit cards and vice versa to survive. Enough was enough and I called a halt to the whole situation. I contacted a free debt advice organisation and chose to put both of us in a debt management plan. It was the best thing I could have done at the time. It meant I had gained back some control of the situation. The money we had we had to survive on. It meant things were far more transparent for my ex and his spending.
Trapped
Later on, my ex threatened to commit suicide twice. That was tough. I underwent months of counselling to be told it was a miracle I did not end up with depression as a result of what I had been put through. During my time of counselling I began to see the controlling behaviour I had endured for 17 years of my life. I’d lost my identity. I was slowly but surely gaining myself back again. I used to watch people out the window and wonder when my life would start again. I felt trapped. I finally snapped when I watched the man I had been living with all these years take on a completely different persona in front of his mental health worker. This was not the man who had tried to control every aspect of my life, down to the one ‘going out ‘outfit I had, all the while he was racing up debt on drink, maintaining it was for petrol expenses.
Escaping
The light bulb was on. I started to make a plan to leave. For me, I didn’t see myself as a victim of domestic abuse, as that was always someone who had been physically injured. Therefore, going into refuge never entered my mind. If I could stay with a friend or family just while I got a place to stay that would be alright. I set about talking to work colleagues at the Council I worked for about different housing options. I also looked on spareroom.co.uk, anything just to get me out of my situation and fast. I’d managed to get a rent deposit together through the help of a local scheme for those struggling financially. I was viewing properties, going out dressed as if I was going to work so my ex would not suspect anything. Finally, through spareroom.co.uk I found somewhat close to work. The final straw was being physically assaulted while I tried to get my marriage certificate and a bank statement from the marital bedroom.
Hope & New Beginnings
I’d gone from someone who owned her own house, veracious, to a former shell of herself to renting a damp room in a shared house. Very few belongings – mostly clothes that now didn’t fit owing to stress and losing weight, and the fact that those items I did have, I was made to beg for.
My employer has been very supportive and still continues to be. As of now, it’s coming up to 5 years and I’m ready for the next chapter of my life, so I am seeking my divorce, without it being contested. I don’t qualify for legal aid – even though I suffered at the hands of a very controlling man and his family. BUT! Where there is a will there is a way, and I am slowly doing research to find ways of getting legal help for my divorce, after the level of debt my ex has left me in. If nothing else it has been empowering to help myself!
Money Advice Hub Further Information
If you are experiencing this type of abuse, or you may know someone that needs help, please visit our web pages:
Financial Abuse
Spot a Financial Abuser


This post first appeared on Debt Advice Journey, please read the originial post: here

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