The world has gone quiet. It’s different this time. The silence is deafening. I feel contained in an orb as waves crash around me pounding at my glass walls. Empty and dry. I’m thirsty for the ocean but the only salt I’ll taste for now is on my cheeks. Wet and weeping. Like a little rain in a long day.

And I stopped listening to those songs a long time ago. I stopped because I didn’t want to be reminded of you. Always trembling under the weight of an existence that I knew was going to leave me. And now the feeling is back, lining to the edges of my being, unraveling the knots that took me so long to tie because my fingers were shaking from holding your hands. What are these days?

Why do all the good things hurt so much? Why is the best feeling on the earth? Why do I feel so hopeless? Why am I crying? I don’t understand. Yet it feels so good.

How does the world look from where you are? Does it look any brighter? Is it shiny and bright, full of colors like the memories that we forget to cherish? Is it warm and cozy like those unexpected days? Or is it grand and uplifting, when you thought you would never make it through but you did so bravely? How is it on your end? Do you feel the weight of reality on your chest, gripping you with dreams of the future?

I never told the sky what to be, it always took my words for granted and in the end I could see them scattered across the horizon.

I’m hard. Rock hard. My head is hurting from feeling so solid. It’s like you've hurt me so much that I can actually feel my walls go up, climbing higher and higher. Till I’m dizzy and lost inside these towers shouting and asking what the hell happened.

I think I know when you’re done with your life. I don’t know about you, but the tears fall down as if your eyes are leaking. As if your eyes are leaking, and your life is leaking, in those tiny drops that slide down your cheeks. Leaving a glittering trail, that Trembles Beneath the light. Trembles beneath the light does everything, where as the inner walls of you are flooded with growing darkness. I think that is a moment where you want everything to stop. But some ways are lost to you. Or you are lost to them, like certain beliefs. And then what is left behind. That is the answer.

Sometimes you’re simply a shell and because you haven’t figured out who you are inside, you hide behind pieces that were previously a part of you. It’s not that painful, because you haven’t properly said goodbye to them but one day you won’t be able to pretend anymore. And that is the day where you’ll be in the middle of the cross fire, in the middle of the unknown though you should be the most familiar thing to yourself.”

And the morning has to start with sickness, feeling like you would fall right over. Take a deep breathe young child and face the new day. It’s okay to tremble, it just another day. Same steps. Same steps.”

Don’t get dizzy. You’ve been waiting to crash but its going to be alright. Hold on and grab whatever you can see. Feel empty. Just hold on. Hold on please. It’s only temporary.

Everything is diluted. Everything slipping between my hands, spilling and dissapearing into mid air. It’s raining somewhere in the world, and I take comfort in that. My hands reaching for the sky and I let myself be somewhere else. I am not here. I am gone. Don’t look for me.

 (whisk me away)

You let your skin touch mine. We both are cold and warm. I am key of messes. I cry softly and you let my tears soak into your skin. Glistening like my quivering emotions, you lie next to me while I try to breathe in the world. Swallow what I can of reality and your hand is there to press soothing circles on my back while I fall.

  ( I’m a sick fool)

It’s been pouring inside my heart for a long time now and finally it has started raining outside too. There is always a certain sense of comfort in knowing you are not alone. Hearing your own chaos echo back to you, makes you feel balanced as the blows start to even out. So you sit, against the wall, eyes closed, hearing the wind and water bring the still image of the past into motion and you breathe in the velocity of your own emotions.